Grief

[Jott]

Hi,

 

I'm hoping someone here has some words of advice for me. My situation is the following: recently (six weeks ago) my boyfriend of 8 months dumped me. Not only did he do this unceremoniously (via email), but now he tells me that he has left the state and is living with his ex-girlfriend. I was floored, because based on what he told me, that relationship (which had a four-year history of breaking up several times over) was finally over. At any rate, I know that I was a fool, didn't pay attention to the warning signs, and that I am much better off without him. My problem is that my head knows this, but I'm having a hell of a time getting my heart to cooperate. I still think of him constantly, and it's the worst when I'm in bed and he's not there and I know he's with his ex. So my question is, how do I cope with these feelings? I'm overwhelmed and confused. I know that the last thing I need to do is to run into a relationship to help me "cope" (although that didn't stop him from running back to his ex), but I feel so angry that I have to do this alone and he doesn't. I wish I could be detached and not feel ANYTHING. (As an aside, I see a therapist every week, and I have great friends to help me through this, but nothing is working to get me feeling better. I really want to be numb.)

[raven]

Hi,

 

First off it appears that you are in alot of pain, and I can relate and sympathize, I have been in your shoes. The fact that it hit you like a rock with absolutely no closure is probably "needling" at you. My advice to you is to find some creative or athletic outlets to occupy your time. Spend time with friends, family, people you havent seen in a while. In other words stay BUSY! If your mind and body is occupied, you'll find your heart will follow.

 

You seem very intelligent, so I assume you realize that this is NOT the kind of person you would want to be with long term. COunt your blessings that it happened now and not 5 years from now when feelings will have run deeper.

 

Time DOES heel, give yourself some time, it will get better, I promise........

 

Raven

Hi, I'm hoping someone here has some words of advice for me. My situation is the following: recently (six weeks ago) my boyfriend of 8 months dumped me. Not only did he do this unceremoniously (via email), but now he tells me that he has left the state and is living with his ex-girlfriend. I was floored, because based on what he told me, that relationship (which had a four-year history of breaking up several times over) was finally over. At any rate, I know that I was a fool, didn't pay attention to the warning signs, and that I am much better off without him. My problem is that my head knows this, but I'm having a hell of a time getting my heart to cooperate. I still think of him constantly, and it's the worst when I'm in bed and he's not there and I know he's with his ex. So my question is, how do I cope with these feelings? I'm overwhelmed and confused. I know that the last thing I need to do is to run into a relationship to help me "cope" (although that didn't stop him from running back to his ex), but I feel so angry that I have to do this alone and he doesn't. I wish I could be detached and not feel ANYTHING. (As an aside, I see a therapist every week, and I have great friends to help me through this, but nothing is working to get me feeling better. I really want to be numb.)

[Lauren]

It sounds like you are in a great deal of pain. I'm not sure if any words or advice will assist you. I can only say give it time; time will heal. Your feelings are okay and quite justified - let yourself go through whatever you need to go through. Please, do not let these feelings overcome you or run your life. Stay busy with your friends and family. Keep active - do sports; go to a museum or the zoo; see an exhibition or special event of some sort. Keep focused on the future and future plans. The holidays are coming up and you will be with friends and family that truly love you and want to be with you. Someone that doesn't have the decency to tell you that he's back with his ex - or going out with anyone for that matter - doesn't deserve the time or effort thinking about him. He's chicken @#it for not dealing with you face-to-face. You're better than that and stronger than that. Hold your head up high, chest out and be proud. He gave you away; you didn't lose a thing!! Hi, I'm hoping someone here has some words of advice for me. My situation is the following: recently (six weeks ago) my boyfriend of 8 months dumped me. Not only did he do this unceremoniously (via email), but now he tells me that he has left the state and is living with his ex-girlfriend. I was floored, because based on what he told me, that relationship (which had a four-year history of breaking up several times over) was finally over. At any rate, I know that I was a fool, didn't pay attention to the warning signs, and that I am much better off without him. My problem is that my head knows this, but I'm having a hell of a time getting my heart to cooperate. I still think of him constantly, and it's the worst when I'm in bed and he's not there and I know he's with his ex. So my question is, how do I cope with these feelings? I'm overwhelmed and confused. I know that the last thing I need to do is to run into a relationship to help me "cope" (although that didn't stop him from running back to his ex), but I feel so angry that I have to do this alone and he doesn't. I wish I could be detached and not feel ANYTHING. (As an aside, I see a therapist every week, and I have great friends to help me through this, but nothing is working to get me feeling better. I really want to be numb.)