82knightrider Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 As the title says.To make a long story short,my girlfriend and I have been with each other for 4 years now.We have never had arguments before like we have had this last month.Before last month our biggest arguments use to be "which side of the bed to sleep on " lol.Anyways,starting in may(may 3rd to be exact) she started talking to my friend(who has a fiance so I never even thought of the fact they would/could hook up) on the phone a lot while she was at work.(I found all this out thanks to the phone bill on may 16th).They would talk for an hour in the morning ,lunch ,and all in between.On may 9th she had a nervous breakdown and I had no idea why and she said she wanted to go live with her mom.I was like cool.If you need time go ahead.But what she did 2 days later really makes me feel uncomfratable.I asked if I could pick her up from work to go see a movie and she said her mom was picking her up.I was like cool,maybe we can go this weekend.So the next day I find out that she called my friend to pick her up and they went to the mountain and smoked weed and drank beer.She said she only had one beer.I got all this info out of her because I asked her.Im glad she told me but it would have been better if she told me without asking.Because now I wonder if she was ever gonna tell me.So taht makes me wonder if she was hiding anything.So im like whatever but it still bothered me inside.So on may 19th we start living with eachother again and im happy as hell but what she did still bothered me inside because I have this intuition they hooked up.So finally a few days later after we start living with eachother again I tell her we need to talk .I ask her if they hooked up and she said no.I kept hounding her and finally she says she was so sad that she tried kissing him but he denied her(which is hard to believe because shes hott)And she says they never did anything and the reason she hung out and talked with him is because he was cool.But still,hes my(was) friend and she shouldnt talk to him when Im not around.But she did and it makes me wonder.But why all the decieving.Should I trust her or am I being paranoid?How should I handle this situation?I love her to death but a lot of things shes done in the last month trip me out.Theres more things but ill elaborate later in the thread The few months before she left I was paying more attention to work,selling stuff on ebay ,hanging out with friends,and working on my car.And i missed our 4 year anniversery (april 18th).Did I drive her to cheat on me.we are together now and we are happy but whenever I question her politly about the whole incident she gets mad. Please help me.This is the best website I have found on relationships.This is my 1st post.Ill make a s/n soon here.Thanks everyone,have a great day Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 please talk to me someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 She cheated on you (trying to kiss him is cheating and more probably went on). My gut feeling is they've probably slept together a few times and she thought that that he would leave his fiance for her and he won't. Its also possible that they both want to keep things as are and are cooling off so you and his fiance don't catch on. If the chance arises again she will probably sleep with him again. There is no way in hell I would leave things as are. I would break up with her. She is a slut. But if you insist on working it out she has to come clean. She is lying to you. 99% chance she slept with this guy. And most likely it happened a few times. 99% chance she will cheat on you again. Especially if it remains a lie and you don't push her into coming clean. Tell her to tell you the truth or you'll leave her. And if she doesn't tell you the truth tell her to move out. There is no way for her to remain friends with this guy. If you allow that you're a fool. If you believe anything she says at this point you're a fool. No more guy friends for this chick, at least not for a while. She can never have any contact with this guy again. I would also tell his fiance what he did once you get the truth from her. She won't want you to do that and will try to talk you out of it but don't let her. That other girl has the right to know she is with a no good cheating loser. You can't drive anyone to cheat. She drove herself to cheat by spreading her legs. Nothing you do could of prevented that. Nothing you could of done gives her the right to do this to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Thanks for the reply.I keep asking her to tell me the truth but she insist nothing happened.Am I being paranoid or is she keeping it a secret.I mean,shes really into religon and I told her to swear to jahova (shes a jahovas witness)on her family that shes has never cheated on me and she agreed.Or would she lie?Also,I had her call that guy Jimmy and talk to him.I was on three way.Before the phone call I asked her to tell him"good thing we didnt kiss".I wanted to see what he had to say while I was silent on the phone,and he said "yeah,good thing."So after they hang up I feel a little better.But then I start thinking crap,what if they did other things and not kiss? And another thing I caught her is that she would go and watch dvds at lunch time in this guy Ricks car,her co-worker.The guy that I never tripped on because theyve just been friends since high school.Which has always been cool with me because she says they never kissed but came close before she knew me.But she insist nothings ever happened between her and Rick.But now after all this Jimmy BS,I trip on stuff I didnt trip on before.And I checked the text messages and she and Rick would text eachother at work.Too bad the phone bill does say what the text consisted of.But it does say if they contain pics and some of them did.So I ask her why you and Rick pics messaging eachother at work,so she responds with"he took my phone from my desk and sent them to himself" Hard to believe when he has his own pix phone.But,she insist thats what happened,should I buy into her BS or is she tellin the truth? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 82knightrider Posted June 19, 2006 Author Share Posted June 19, 2006 Thanks for the reply.I keep asking her to tell me the truth but she insist nothing happened.Am I being paranoid or is she keeping it a secret.I mean,shes really into religon and I told her to swear to jahova (shes a jahovas witness)on her family that shes has never cheated on me and she agreed.Or would she lie?Also,I had her call that guy Jimmy and talk to him.I was on three way.Before the phone call I asked her to tell him"good thing we didnt kiss".I wanted to see what he had to say while I was silent on the phone,and he said "yeah,good thing."So after they hang up I feel a little better.But then I start thinking crap,what if they did other things and not kiss? And another thing I caught her is that she would go and watch dvds at lunch time in this guy Ricks car,her co-worker.The guy that I never tripped on because theyve just been friends since high school.Which has always been cool with me because she says they never kissed but came close before she knew me.But she insist nothings ever happened between her and Rick.But now after all this Jimmy BS,I trip on stuff I didnt trip on before.And I checked the text messages and she and Rick would text eachother at work.Too bad the phone bill does say what the text consisted of.But it does say if they contain pics and some of them did.So I ask her why you and Rick pics messaging eachother at work,so she responds with"he took my phone from my desk and sent them to himself" Hard to believe when he has his own pix phone.But,she insist thats what happened,should I buy into her BS or is she tellin the truth? Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 She went behind your back to meet up with a guy friend of yours. It wasn't just a case of him being there when you weren't. You offered to be there for her and she called this guy instead and tried to kiss him. Then she hid it all from you. Sounds like premeditated cheating to me. If you can't trust her at this point (and she doesn't sound trustworthy), then your relationship is already over. Don't let this turn you into some paranoid, jealous guy who's always checking up on his girlfriend. If you don't trust her anymore, end it. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 She went behind your back to meet up with a guy friend of yours. It wasn't just a case of him being there when you weren't. You offered to be there for her and she called this guy instead and tried to kiss him. Then she hid it all from you. Sounds like premeditated cheating to me. If you can't trust her at this point (and she doesn't sound trustworthy), then your relationship is already over. Don't let this turn you into some paranoid, jealous guy who's always checking up on his girlfriend. If you don't trust her anymore, end it. well,her only excuse to me ,for him picking her up ,is that I was mad and she had no other ride but him.I feel she should have takin the bus instead.I mean why my friend.She knew my car worked good ,plus I didnt get mad until friday when I found out the BS she did on that thursday.And I found out by asking her.On friday I asked her what did you do on thursday,she hesitated but then told me "Jimmy picked her up " .Then I had to ask her "what did you guys do " She said"we went to mcdonalds and then the mountain" At this point she should have voluntarily offered all the info but no,I had to keep asking like "did you guys smoke weed" And she said"yes" I was like WTF! Then later I start wondering and asked her "did you guys drink"and she said "yes,but only 1 beer" arghhhh Link to post Share on other sites
Author 82knightrider Posted June 20, 2006 Author Share Posted June 20, 2006 She went behind your back to meet up with a guy friend of yours. It wasn't just a case of him being there when you weren't. You offered to be there for her and she called this guy instead and tried to kiss him. Then she hid it all from you. Sounds like premeditated cheating to me. If you can't trust her at this point (and she doesn't sound trustworthy), then your relationship is already over. Don't let this turn you into some paranoid, jealous guy who's always checking up on his girlfriend. If you don't trust her anymore, end it. well,her only excuse to me ,for him picking her up ,is that I was mad and she had no other ride but him.I feel she should have takin the bus instead.I mean why my friend.She knew my car worked good ,plus I didnt get mad until friday when I found out the BS she did on that thursday.And I found out by asking her.On friday I asked her what did you do on thursday,she hesitated but then told me "Jimmy picked her up " .Then I had to ask her "what did you guys do " She said"we went to mcdonalds and then the mountain" At this point she should have voluntarily offered all the info but no,I had to keep asking like "did you guys smoke weed" And she said"yes" I was like WTF! Then later I start wondering and asked her "did you guys drink"and she said "yes,but only 1 beer" arghhhh Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 So what are you going to do? Are you going to forgive her or break up with her? If you stay together, you can't throw this in her face and you have to trust her and not second guess her or check up on her all the time. Can you do that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 82knightrider Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 So what are you going to do? Are you going to forgive her or break up with her? If you stay together, you can't throw this in her face and you have to trust her and not second guess her or check up on her all the time. Can you do that? Well,90% of the time ,but theres 10% that keeps wondering and is still a little mad.A feel the way I can shake this is by not breaking up but taking some time off.But im scared to do that because what if she pulls the same BS during our time off which she says she wont.Im between a rock and a hard place,I really dont want to loose her........ Link to post Share on other sites
Author 82knightrider Posted November 30, 2006 Author Share Posted November 30, 2006 So what are you going to do? Are you going to forgive her or break up with her? If you stay together, you can't throw this in her face and you have to trust her and not second guess her or check up on her all the time. Can you do that? well,6 months later,turns out I couldnt do that and now shes gone again lol.Part of me is sad but I know ill do better without out her but man,this is gonna be tough.But would be tougher without the help I get here.Thanks everyone Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 My understanding of Jeovah's is that they are not allowed to indulge in drugs and drinking. If she is doing this then why in hell would you believe she is telling you the truth now? She went behind your back after talking and texting this guy for a long time to go up to the mountains and smoked weed. I guess they just played checkers. You would have to be in big time denial to believe such crap. If the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would accept this from you? I would certainly inform the guys girlfriend and see if she buys this load of bull that apparently you have bought. I am sorry my friend but she is playing you for a fool and I think down deep you know this also. I wish you luck. Again inform his girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
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