overrated Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 hello everyone, this is my first post on this forum and i would really appretiate any feedback. I will state my history with this girl so you guys can have an idea of my old feelings toward her and determine if these feelings are resurfacing once more. Today after the grad 06 leaving ceremony. i find myself confused, what do i feel towards this girl? It is a long and maybe an embarrasing story to recall: During grade 8 i met this girl, i remember us both trying to take a pair of scissors and we grab it at the same time, then we start pulling and after a while i let go. I remember in drama class we introduced ourselves and i think i remember her saying that her birthday was on june 22nd. I quickly grew fond of her this year. I was a shy kid at the time so i couldn't say much but i found her easy to get along with. As time passed I witnessed her kindness, her spirit, and her grace. I remember in PE class she would cheer me on and how over the years she would cheer me on. You can assume i fell in love that year. However, the first year of highschool was humiliating.. i got into fights and did stupid things around her. The fight was kind of funny, i beat up the kid even though im weaker.. and he had this depressed look on the whole day. I do the right thing and not brag about it but next day i hear that he claims he beat me up! I laughed out hard that day, i didn't mind the rumor he started because i was way above him in terms of maturity. Another humiliating example, on a field trip a group of boys and a girl were playing basket ball, and this girl would just hug the basket ball and try to evade any attempts at snatching the ball.. well i tried to go for it and touched her boob accidently lol! and she screamed out "you touched me breast you sicko!" hahah. I felt rejected from society, i was afraid, so afraid that i did not speak in my defence.. i did not say that it was an accident and maybe even her fault.. i was a fool.. as you can see, grade 8 destoryed my confidence and made me one very shy kid. During grade 9 and 10. I was picked on by this attention whore (a guy) who just craved attention! and this other idiot.. the bullying was too much and launched me into a depressive state... and just when i was about to recover we get september 11 and the invasion of iraq. With all this sadness being introduced to my life i never found any hope of being together with this wonderful person.. i did not want to bring this sadness into her world.. this is how much i liked her.. and i stayed away for 2 years. (don't worry too much about my physical/mental health.. i never did cut myself.. EVER!) During these two years i would fantazise being with her but i had no hope. In my thoughts i was always with her. Anyways! grade 10 ends by now and i go back to my home country on the other side of the globe.. lets say i felt torn apart from her.. even though i didn't see her much in 2 years In grade 11 i had a decent classes but i changed classes to be with her in a single class. Lets say that is what i consider the biggest mistake in my life... grade 11 was the hardest year.. with all the worst and most incompitent teachers (except my math teacher! loved him). In our class i befriended her good friend, not because he is her friend.. but because i liked him for who he was.. we had common interests and such. Thoughout the year we would sometimes talk in a group and lend out papers/pens/erasers etc. The sad thing that i looked down on is that whenever i approached them at the beginning i would always greet the guy then but then i would later change my greetings to "hey guys" involving her. However, after the first few months i fell out of love. I began to loose interest when she started to date this exchange student from germany, i mean.. what was she thinking.. the guy was going back to germany next year.. how did she expect the relationship to last? As i predicted she dumped him 2/3s of the year. Dating someone without seeing the road ahead is pretty dumb.. + her ex-Boyfriend turned into a jerk after a dump. Anyways, i hope he fixes himself up, but seriously... what did he expect? And my friends would comment about the stupid questions she asks in class. It would hurt me to hear these things about her even when i had no feelings towards her.. because she is a nice gal and deserves much better than that.. she was nice to me and i have no right ot be cruel to her but i think i might have been.. i do surpress all my bad memories so it is not easy to bring them up. Grade 11 ends and we move onto grade 12, our final year. I found her in one of my classes sitting by a close friend of mine. I sat by my friend and i bugged the nerd who sat on my left for the entire year.. as you can see i don't care what kind of impression i give out to everyone. I don't want to be perfect anymore. We thoughout the year we (a group of friends involving her) had a good time in that class.. we laughed every class all year long. At the end of the school year she learns of my home country... This just shows how little she knows me. I told her that we met since 2000 and i was kind of disappointed that she didn't know that. Whenever i talked to her thoughtout the years she seemed really excited.. i remember her eyes would widen, her smile would still warm my heart, and the tone of her voice was *word missing* (when one talks fast.. im not sure if she was nervous though). Yesterday in the grad leaving ceremony one of the theaters in the city she found and said hey! and gave me a hug. This to me was a wakeup call, what does it mean? It would just be that everyone is super happy because they are graduating! or it could be that she will miss me.. i'm not sure what to do with all these mixed feelings... Does anyone here know what is going on? Ever since that moment i felt inclined to tell her my old feelings, and that she was a wonderful person, and ask her to keep in touch.. i find this hard to do because i've had many oppertunities to befriend her but i failed to do so.. and right now.. at the last moment, i want to be her friend.. i want to establish this mutual bond that only she attempted to establish in the past. But the problem i'm facing is that we are probably moving far away to different universities and won't be talking much anyways. What should i do? Thankyou all for reading (if any admins are reading this.. i posted this on a guest account but im not sure if you need to approve the post or not. anyways here goes) Link to post Share on other sites
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