Confused

[lost but not broken]

Okay, here it goes,

 

I am envolved in a relationship that has currently been going on for the past 2 and a half years. Before I started dating this person I had a lot of "make-out" sessions with many different people, sometimes people I just met that night, and through this I realized that I'm a extremely sexual person. This is my first long term relationship, and sometimes the person I'm with makes me happy, and sometimes they "piss me off" or really hurt me. We live together, and we have a lot of differences that sometimes "turn me off". I feel guilty because even though I tell her I love her, I still question if she is the one for me, also I look at other women in a sexual way, I would not ever cheat on her because I don't want to hurt her, but I feel guilty because I feel that is the only reason why I have not slept with anyone else. Am I falling out of Love with her for feeling this way? Or am I just a walking hornball just like every other guy? I'm not happy right now, please help me.

[Asrael]

Perhaps you need to take a break. I mean, two years is a long time, especially since you haven't been in very serious relationships before. I think you need to take a break to decide what you want in life and also, what you want to do with your life.

 

Tell her all this. Tell her that you care deeply for her, but things are getting too serious and you're not sure you're comfortable with that right now. Make sure she knows that it's not because of anything she did, really. Tell her that you do have some issues you need to resolve, and hopefully you can open up some communication with her to try to figure things out (if you want to stay with her).

 

I'm sure she doesn't really realize what she does to bother you, and see if they are things she just naturally does (like biting her nails or whatever) or if it's something that she seems to know about (excessive arguing over little things, etc;).

 

Don't point out all her faults; instead, you may want to say, "I don't know if you're aware of this, but it really [hurts, offends,etc;] me when you [yell at me like that, avoid me,etc;]." Try to be very careful with your choice of words because the last thing a girl wants to hear is that she's annoying or anything negative like that.

 

There's nothing wrong with wondering about what you may be missing with other people if you're unhappy in your relationship. But make sure she knows you are unhappy. I've seen relationships fall apart simply because one person didn't know the other was unhappy. Letting her know can help get the two of you talking and either resolve things or decide that it's not gonna work out.

 

You'll really know that you need to end things with her if she knows you're unhappy and doesn't seem to care or want to do anything about it.

 

Think if what you're feeling is logical. Like if she does something slightly different than you do, is it really sensible to let it get to you?

 

Just think through things, talk to her, and decide what you want to do after that. Let her know that you'd like a little break to let both of you figure out what you want and give the possibility of the two of you getting back together again. I wouldn't tell her that you want to go buck-wild with your sexual prowess, but tell her you want to "illiminate other options" or whatever, narrow down the field, make sure she's the right one and tell her to do the same (if you can bear that thought). Just don't do anything rash or dumb and watch out for her feelings. Just don't be unhappy because that's not a good way to spend your life.

 

~Asrael