Too young, or too old

[Kate]

I've just met a guy who's 22 yrs. old. The only problem is, I'm 31. He's a really wonderful guy and he really likes me a lot, but because of the age difference, I've told him nothing can ever happen between us and that I'm too old for him. He's different than most guys I've met my age. He's honest , sweet and considerate, has traveled all over the world and comes across as so much more mature -- he also looks a lot older, but he's still only 22.

 

Anyway, I've been hanging out with him and other mutual friends of ours a lot lately, and I have to admit, I've developed feelings for him over the past couple of months. He makes me feel so happy. We get along so well and have so much fun together. Everyone else thinks we make the best couple and keep trying to convince me to go for it, but I don't know what to do. I'm 31 and I'm looking for something serious, he's 22 and I feel like he's in the middle of his growing years and I don't want to hold him back from exploring. Any advice on what I should do?

[Tony T]

I'm with you. No matter how mature he seems or how old he looks, he's still 22-years-old.

 

Of course, relationships like this do work out but getting involved is a major gamble, much more so than the normal gamble when you put your heart out there. If you were 41 and he was 32, I would have no problem with this at all.

 

The chances of this being a keeper are slim. Given that you are ready to settle down and have a family, I see no good point in taking a chance on a 22-year-old who's likely to break your heart when there are lots more older, more settled guys for you to chose from.

 

It's your call. I think you've made a big mistake letting your feelings go here. This could work out real well for a period of time but there's the greatest chance that all would eventually go down the drain for you.

 

If you decide to move on, just be sure you don't do this kind of thing to yourself again. If you decide to stick it out with this guy and gamble on the future, be prepared for anything to happen at anytime and don't even think about having kids with him until you are very sure it may be a keeper.

[Amy]

I agree wholeheartedly with Tony on this. I just got out of a relationship that is uncannily similar to yours Kate. I was persuaded and convinced that "age does not matter when two people are in love". Unfortunately, once the "honeymoon period" ends, reality kicks in, and conflicts will arise because of this. Relationships with such a huge age difference will result in tension if the people involved have different priorities in life.

 

Take things slow and let things progress on their own. Do not submerge yourself in a committed relationship too quickly. Learn about him and his views on this. If he has no reservations, then I say go for it, but be cautious and be ready to walk away when things don't appear to be progressing positively.

 

As I said, I've just been through this... and although my boyfriend and I are letting go of one another on good terms, it is perhaps one of the most painful moments in my life. Don't let this happen to you =)

 

Best of luck!

 

Amy

 

PS: Tony -- do you "own" this site? If so, what is your real occupation?

[Tony T]

1. Tony – do you “own” this site?

 

No, just visit here like everybody else. I believe it's owned by a very wealthy college student who as a sideline is dedicated to helping people with love problems.

 

2. If so, what is your real occupation?

 

I think you mean..."if not." Television and radio production, real estate, and business management are my main sources of eating money. If I owned this site, I would be retired to my estate on the French Riviera.

[Michael]

Reading your message, I was surprised at how similar it is to my situation. Actually I recently posted a message on this forum about it myself. So I thought I could offer you my perspective.

 

I met a girl about 2 months ago and it seems we've got a lot in common and we get along well. She's 31 and I'm 23, by the way. I think she's interested in me, like you are with your guy. But I must admit that I'm still on the fence as to whether or not I want to seriously pursue this relationsip, or just keep it a friendship. I like her, I think she's really cool, but I still question if we're really at the same place mentally/emotionally in our lives. Actually, she may still be too wild for me at her age! So, I'm going to take things real slow with her and see where it goes. Now, your guy may not feel the same way about you that I do about her. Maybe he's more interested, maybe not, but I would definitely advise you to take things slow, talk to him, and try to see if he's truly interested in the same type of relationship you are.

 

Also, you said that he looks and acts more mature than most guys his age. So, maybe he is ready for something serious, you never know. I too consider myself more mature and I do look older than I am. And, for me, if the right girl came along, I would not have any reservations about giving up, as you say, the "growing years" for her. We could grow together, you know? Could this 31 year old that I know be the right one for me?....Could you be the right one for your 22 year old? Who knows? But don't go too fast, and let things happen naturally. Whatever happens, it will all work out for the best in the end.

 

Hope that helped you some. I wish you all the best. And good luck!

 

I've just met a guy who's 22 yrs. old. The only problem is, I'm 31. He's a really wonderful guy and he really likes me a lot, but because of the age difference, I've told him nothing can ever happen between us and that I'm too old for him. He's different than most guys I've met my age. He's honest , sweet and considerate, has traveled all over the world and comes across as so much more mature -- he also looks a lot older, but he's still only 22. Anyway, I've been hanging out with him and other mutual friends of ours a lot lately, and I have to admit, I've developed feelings for him over the past couple of months. He makes me feel so happy. We get along so well and have so much fun together. Everyone else thinks we make the best couple and keep trying to convince me to go for it, but I don't know what to do. I'm 31 and I'm looking for something serious, he's 22 and I feel like he's in the middle of his growing years and I don't want to hold him back from exploring. Any advice on what I should do?

[Unsure]

Hi-

 

I agree with alot of what you are saying about how he makes you feel special, he acts older, etc. I'm usually not one who would say age matters, but in my opinion, I think it does here. This is just my two cents, but no matter how well you get along, no matter what the connection is, and so on, there is just no way a GUY who is 22 can be near the same mental/emotional outlook of a 31 year old FEMALE. I'm sorry to sound sterotypical, but no matter how amazing he comes off, or how mature he acts, it just doesn't cut it as far as life experience, needs, goals, etc. I think you are in very different places in life, and with a gap that large, there is just nothing that can make up for it. I know he has ALOT of growing up to do, and as for you, I would say you are going to be needing/wanting things he simply can't provide you, even is he's amazing- he just hasn't lived long enough. No offense, but I would also be a little skeptical of a 22 year old males motives/intentions- they are not any where wanting to settle down at that age and I would be worried he still wants to play the field and so on, so I wouldn't get into a serious thing with him- no matter what he might say. You say you hang out with friends? His or yours? How did you meet? What do you do for fun? Is it possible you could just be good friends? Best wishes !

I've just met a guy who's 22 yrs. old. The only problem is, I'm 31. He's a really wonderful guy and he really likes me a lot, but because of the age difference, I've told him nothing can ever happen between us and that I'm too old for him. He's different than most guys I've met my age. He's honest , sweet and considerate, has traveled all over the world and comes across as so much more mature -- he also looks a lot older, but he's still only 22. Anyway, I've been hanging out with him and other mutual friends of ours a lot lately, and I have to admit, I've developed feelings for him over the past couple of months. He makes me feel so happy. We get along so well and have so much fun together. Everyone else thinks we make the best couple and keep trying to convince me to go for it, but I don't know what to do. I'm 31 and I'm looking for something serious, he's 22 and I feel like he's in the middle of his growing years and I don't want to hold him back from exploring. Any advice on what I should do?