need

[maby]

I've been married 20+ years. We are constantly trying to "fix" our problems; I'm just tired of the drama and want out. There are times I'm happy--they few and far between. We have three kids, all teenagers and they don't make life easy. I'm already mentally prepared to leave my husband; I've been planning for a separation for several years and have made financial arrangements to be able to leave when the time was right, as soon as my youngest is out of school--4 more years. Recently I went on vacation--we don't vacation together, I can't relax if I'm fighting with him, or he's fighting with the kids. For several years now we have taken separate vacation, we just don't like to do the same things. This year I met someone, two minutes after I met him he felt like an old friend. I only talked to him about an hour--he said great to meet you, can I have your #? I programmed it into his cell phone, he gave me a friendly hug and left. I told him I was married, in fact I told him that he reminded me of my husband when I first met him years ago, fun and carefree. He called me later and wanted to see me, I said I couldn't because my husband was coming for dinner with the kids and our granddaughter. He would be leaving in the a.m. The next day I called him and asked him to have a drink with me @ the bar--he had already left the hotel and said maybe he would call me later. Days passed and I didn't hear from him. I started obsessing about needing to see him, telling myself we would just be friends. I called him a few times and he said I freaked him out with the husband story. I told him I was sorry, I just wanted to be friends. He stopped answering the phone when I called, I ran home to my husband, feeling totally rejected. There was a time in my life that I could have my choice of the guy I wanted to go home with--that was in the 80s. I eventually deleted his # from my phone. Last weekend he called me, left a message that he missed me and please call him. I now know that he also felt a connection and after a month neither of us has been able to forget. Although we met at a beach resort 200 miles away, we both actually live only about 20 miles apart. I know that he will be in my life, I feel it. I am worried about the pain that I know will be coming--yet I feel that I deserve a chance to be happy; I don't want to deny myself that chance. What if we were supposed to meet, what if he is actually my soul mate? Anyone been through this before? Comments and opinions appreciated.