sibling issues

[simplybrill]

I have a rocky relationship with my sibling, I can remember fighting with her from the time I was barely old enough to start kindergarten.

 

My parents divorced when I was young, and responsibilities fell to her, when my mom needed support with what she was going through. So, to this day, she feels like she is the only one holding the family together, and still feels burdened in a way by our family. I think it's a bunch of egotistical bull, and she needs to stop living in the past. I have made efforts to tell her how greatful I am, for what she did for the family, but its like she's all too happy to wallow in her self-righteous pity to hear any of it.

 

Mind you: She doesnt really speak to our mother anymore, she barely speaks to me (and I live with her), and she doesnt call our brother either. (she thinks that he should get off his duff and call her first)

 

She's jealous of the relationship I have with our mum, my social life, and my boyfriend who I am in a serious relationship with. I can say this, because of things that she has said when we fight. Things like "mum always asks about you, but never asks about me"..."you always make time to spend with your friends, but you never make plans with ME to hang out"

 

I'm sorry, I didnt know you had time to pencil me into your oh so important schedule, and I certainly didn't know that I had to properly ask my own sister to hang out, like a stranger would.

 

Im at my wits end, im frazzled, im exhausted with trying to have a relationship with someone I have to walk on eggshells around for fear of hurting them in some way-Im sick of getting "surprised" with arguments out of nowhere, because I've wronged her in somehow. I'm sick of getting phonecalls when im out with friends asking when I'll be home, and when Ill be paying her back for bills and such.

 

Im just sick of it.

[Buttaflyy]

I've learned that there are two sides to every story and I'm pretty sure that you're sis will have a much different one.

 

However, you are only responsible for your part and it doesn't sound like you are really reaching out as much as you could. From what you said, your sister seems to be a pretty responsible person and has alot of weight on her shoulders. Maybe you should make plans to spend special time with her. You guys need to sort out these issues. I'm sure your sister loves you very much, and you obviously love her as well. All relationships have to be worked on. Give it a try.

 

P.S. The money owed for bills...can you really blame her?

[simplybrill]

I do try, and she sees it as "forced." and then I get offended, and it really turns into, forced fun. which isnt really fun for anyone.

 

it's hard to have fun with someone, when in order to have fun with them, you have to make sure all of the princess's needs are met to her requirements before you can have fun, and then of course its by her lead.

 

I understand the money thing, but this is the first time I've ever asked her to wait till I got paid, to pay her back. If she were in the same situation I would try to understand, and probably say something like "sure ok, but just this once."

[Buttaflyy]

I do try, and she sees it as "forced." and then I get offended, and it really turns into, forced fun. which isnt really fun for anyone.

 

it's hard to have fun with someone, when in order to have fun with them, you have to make sure all of the princess's needs are met to her requirements before you can have fun, and then of course its by her lead.

 

I understand the money thing, but this is the first time I've ever asked her to wait till I got paid, to pay her back. If she were in the same situation I would try to understand, and probably say something like "sure ok, but just this once."

 

I hope things work out for the two of you.

 

As for the money thing, that's not right. You shouldn't be reminded if you agreed on a date to pay her back.

[kitten chick]

Just to play devils advocate here, it couldn't have been easy for a child to be slapped with the responsibility of caring for a family. I can see why she would be resentful of her sister who never had to deal with any of that and lived the carefree life that she always wished she was afforded the opportunity to have. Being overly responsible is a common trait in older siblings because they are put in a role where they have someone to take care of whereas younger siblings are generally less responsible because they always have someone to lean on and take care of them. Of course this is not anywhere near an absolute but they are commonly studied traits in sibling studies. It's your job to take more responsibility and her job to learn how to delegate some of the responsibility and put her needs and wants first. Perhaps if you encourage her to do the things that you know she wants to do but will not allow herself for whatever internal reasoning you might push her in the right direction to making herself happy and in the process making your life easier.

[amaysngrace]

I have a rocky relationship with my sibling, I can remember fighting with her from the time I was barely old enough to start kindergarten.

 

 

Im just sick of it.

 

I have an older sister who sounds very much like yours. It's like you always have to appease her because she is jealous of you in a way and anything can set her off. It's hard to have a relationship with someone like that. She tells me I'm lucky for this and that and all the while she has to go back to HS years to re-live all the best years of her life.

 

Maybe you just are more outgoing and carefree, and she wishes deep down she can be more like you, but instead of giving you compliments, she criticizes you instead for who you are. I know it sounds weird and completely irrational, but my sister is like this.

 

I would just say to keep the relationship light, try and move away from her, and definitely don't be indebted to her in any way. She may never accept you for who you are and may possibly always resent you. All for things that happened umpteen years ago.