dgiirl Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 Also, your husband is probably trying to meet your emotional needs in his own way. Problem is, it isnt what YOU need to feel satisifed in the relationship. I'm sure the reverse is true too, where you're trying to do things for him and he simply doesnt need it. So you asking for changes doesnt necessarily mean more for him to do, it just means stopping some things he THINKS is to show you his love, but you dont feel it from that, and start doing other things to show you his love. Read the 5 love languages and you'll understand what I'm talking about. And dont worry so much about him resenting you for asking for changes. Like Trimmer said, it's a compromise between the two of you to find out what works and what doesnt work. It's BETTER to have this discussion now than to just throw in the towel and abandon ship. Atleast TRY to save the relationship. Marriage counselling would be good because there's a third objective party involved and will make sure you both make the appropriate changes. It wont be all him making changes. I'm sure if you are unsatisfied, he is unsatisfied too. It's a give and take. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 or me to say, "come home early and watch the kids so I can go out" or whatever, seems unfair. He helps out when he can, it's just not very often. Yeah, I'm sure he'd would prefer to do that than lose his wife, but he would also probably resent me for giving him an ultimatum about it, don't you think? I think that people who think for me drive me nuts. I think that if someone I loved made the assumption that asking me to do something for them out of love would be 'unfair' or that I would 'resent' it would be very upsetting to me. Don't start with ultimatums. Start with laying out your troubles; that you are tired and dispirited and don't know yourself anymore. Then say that you think it would help if you (insert whatever you like about spending more time on things for you here) and ask if he could help you out in doing that. Give the man a chance to think about it and provide his own answer rather than second-guessing him!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
justdontlovehim Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Hum, give him a chance to think for himself...very good point...and simple, I don't know why those always seem to get over looked. What does he do...he does the same thing he did when we met, basically, he's a consultant for start ups. That's why the multiple weeks away at a time. But it's not like that all the time. Usually it's just a few days out of town every couple weeks. This is a big job...these only happen once every year or so. I have talked to him about a career change. He said he would be miserable w/ a big company and this is what he did when we met, he doesn't want to change jobs min career. I am looking into counseling for myself. I will have to wait until he gets back or find a place that I can bring the kids. I don't want to have to explain to a friend why they are watching my kids for me the same time every week, and all my family is in CA (we are in TX). Also, dgiirl, I looked at the book. Thanks for the recommendation, but to be completely honest, it looks religious and that's just not my thing. Thank you though. (to everyone who is about to jump on me for that last one) no, lol, it's not jesus that is missing from my life and adding him won't help. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Hey i'm definitely not a bible thumper, so no offense was taken. But I think it has some good ideas on how we communicate our love differently. Link to post Share on other sites
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