How happy are you???????

[noclobber]

I am just being curious: Are you guys happy with your life as it is now? Did you get the things that you wanted? Do you feel a sense of control about the things happening in your life?

 

As for me I am now 30 years old and feel like giving up on my dreams and goals. I even think that I should not want anything anymore. It only keeps resulting in disappointment and frustration.

 

I wanted to enter a particular school very badly but only managed to get admission in some other school, I liked couple of women very very much and wanted to have a relationship with them but they were either already taken or didn't like me in that way... i am still single, I wanted to work in a particular field of engineering and in a specific company but only managed to get a job in some other company and in some field...

 

You see the pattern? Does it even make sense to want something? Should I still have goals and want things or should I just say "Let me be happy with what I get instead of aiming for something"??? Is there any meaning to life if we can't get the things we want???? A career, a person that we like so much.. ?????? And there is hardly any control you can have on such things... like, you may like a girl very much but there is not a thing you can do if she doesn't like you that way.. you may be so passionate about working for a company but what can you probably do if they don't select you??

 

I am just fed up of it all.... I just feel like a zombie.. I don't feel like I am living... only existing!!

[Pyro]

I am very happy with where I am right now in life. Really my only regrets were to have taken school more seriously when I was younger because I would have been out by now and when I was into drugs, i wish that I would have quit alot sooner. Lots of money was wasted on that plus the probation costs. I could have used that money for something really worthwhile.

 

I have not gotten everything that I have always wanted, but I am thankful for what blessings that I have received thus far.

[kitten chick]

I'm going to post this as if it were the me of last week speaking because right now I'm freakin miserable. Last week I would have said this to you...

When I was younger I thought at my age I would have a fabulous corporate job or be a famous artist, I'd be well off financially with a great boyfriend or fiance (I always said I'd never marry before 30) and I'd be traveling all over the world. That's what I wanted and thought would make me happy. I don't have any of that besides the financial security. I work in a boring corporate job and I'm about as single as they come. I used to take VERY adventurous trips all over the world but haven't gone anywhere outside the states in quite a few years. I miss traveling. But as of last week I was incredibly happy. Nowhere in the scenario of my youth did I see myself with the most fantastic friends having a wonderful social life and enjoying my free time so immensely. Never in a million years did I think I would find a doctor that could help me with my thyroid disease and as such help me to lose a lot of weight, I never thought I could be as thin as I am now when I was growing up. I never thought that I would have gone back to an Ivy League school for a humanitarian education when I went undergrad for Business! I love it, it's my passion and I can't imagine my life without it but again it was nowhere to be found in the scenario of my youth. So yeah we want things, we plan for them but it doesn't always happen. Have you ever heard the expression, life is what happens while you're making other plans. I barely got anything that I planned but I was still happy until recently. My life was a living hell last year and I never thought I would recover from it but I did and I was happy for a little while. Some people get things very easily and some people are constantly being crapped on but really what can you do about that? Nothing.

[alphamale]

I am just being curious: Are you guys happy with your life as it is now?

Yes...on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being happiest I'd say i'm 8.5

 

Did you get the things that you wanted?

maybe 50 or 60% of things I wanted. very few get most or everything of what they want.

 

Do you feel a sense of control about the things happening in your life?

for things i can control, yes....for things i cannot control, no.

[noclobber]

Thanks guys!

 

The question really is whether its worthwhile to have dreams and ambitions at all... I feel too many things are out of control as in the case of the dream woman and career examples that I had cited in my post. If you are taking the SAT or GRE and aim for a particular score then that's worthwhile. Things are very much under your control... Its sensible to have that goal. But what about other important things - a dream company, a dream girl?????? That's completely out of control... Should we just decide not to have goals and ambitions????

 

Some people get things very easily and some people are constantly being crapped on but really what can you do about that?

 

You are right on!! It gets to me all the time. I don't hold any grudges but when I see my friends get the things that they want so easily it makes me all the more pissed. Why do I have to bend and break to get the same things?????

 

Does luck really the only thing that matters??? I hope not but it definitely looks that way... atleast to me!

[Bullgator]

Noclobber, you sound rather hopeless. Is it possible that you might be depressed?

[noclobber]

Noclobber, you sound rather hopeless. Is it possible that you might be depressed?

 

I think I might be...

 

I never used to be like this before....

[johan]

On a scale from 1 to 10, I'm around 5.

[magichands]

I guess I only ever wanted one thing... so I got 0% of what I wanted. But I suppose one never really knows what tomorrow will bring - life is full of surprises.

 

And disappointments.

[noclobber]

Okay I will re-phrase my question.

 

How much control do you think you have in your life? Do you want something/somebody and get it? If not is there any meaning in wanting or making goals or being ambitious?

[Bullgator]

Noclobber, you sound rather hopeless. Is it possible that you might be depressed?

 

I think I might be...

 

I never used to be like this before....

 

Is there someone you can see about this? A physician or a counselor?

[noclobber]

Is there someone you can see about this? A physician or a counselor?

 

I don't think it will help....

 

I am not trying to start the story again but I have been sounding like this after the rejection by my "friend"... I think she erased whatever hope and esteem that was left in me... I am not blaming her but I think that's what is happening here... I don't find life meaningful when the things that I want so badly are being denied again and again and again and again.....................................

[PuppyDogEyes]

I am just being curious: Are you guys happy with your life as it is now? Did you get the things that you wanted? Do you feel a sense of control about the things happening in your life?

 

On a scale of 1 to 10, I'm about a 7, steadily climbing higher every day. My life has been in major upheaval for the last 2 years, and it's very slowly beginning to settle into the patterns that I want it to be. I still have a lot of work to do, though. In life I would say no, I haven't gotten the things that I've wanted, but that's because I've been going about things the wrong way. I've spent most of my life trying to please other people, instead of pleasing myself. I'm slowly learning to take control of my life, and owning up to the fact that I have responsibilities as well as privileges.

 

I've grown up a lot in the last year.

 

How much control do you think you have in your life? Do you want something/somebody and get it? If not is there any meaning in wanting or making goals or being ambitious?

 

I have control over every aspect of my life, now. I didn't before.

 

I can't answer that question about wanting someone and getting them, because that's just not a priority in my life right now. In truth, a good deal of my problems have been because of relationships, so I'm taking a long, extended break from them - I'm simply dating around now.

 

I know how it feels to feel like you're being denied everything you want. Are you perhaps setting your goals too high?

 

-pde.

[luvtoto]

Happiness is just a state of mind. It doesn't matter how much or how little a person has. IMO. I was just dumped this week and should be feeling pretty low, but I am focusing on the good things I have in my life instead of just the crappy stuff.

 

Like the way my bed feels when I snuggle in...or the smile on my son's face...the deep sarcastic humor of my 14 yr old daughter's personality...the cool air that is keeping my house cool so I don't have to suffer from the heat...the ability to go uptown and buy whatever it is I want for supper to curb my cravings...the scratching sound on my door when Toto wants inside...watching my favorite show on cable....

 

Well, I could go on and on.

 

I used to focus on the negative and that will only make me feel bummed out everytime.

 

What can I say, I am just a simple girl.

[lonelybird]

I am depressed several days ago and still trying to think things out. in this period I concentrated on what I don't have while others have, mainly the meaningful relationship. then thought I might not control the consequences, but still have control on myself, under some circumstances I can decide what to do or what not to do. Life is like playing card SOMETIMES. we can have good cards and bad cards same time. what we can do is trying to play it skillfully. just in life there aren't simple win or lose. maybe it is about LEARN? every time you feel down by something or someone, it is time to learn to improve

[phyrespryte]

On a scale of 1 to 10 I'd say I'm at a 5 right now. I'd say that's pretty good considering that a couple years ago I was at a 3.

 

When I was younger I thought that by now I'd have a career, I'd be married or engaged, and I'd have my own home/apartment. HAH! When that didn't happen I was so miserable.

 

But back then I also thought that life was beyond my control and that all I had to do was roll with the flow of things. I think I'm a little happier now because I'm actively trying to make stuff happen. I'm not always successful, but I feel better knowing that I did something.

[luvtoto]

Well, I had the big career with the big paycheck and benefit package. And know what? It didn't make me happy. I was miserable! Life was just going by way tooo fast for me with the big city life and commute everyday.

 

Now, I have a slower life and much more happy. I am not that ambitious of a person. Don't have huge goals. I could feel bad about not having the fancy car or all that money anymore.

 

I am a simple person with a simple life.

 

Why do people link big career, school, money with happiness?

[Art_Critic]

I bounce between 6 and a 9 on a scale of 1-10..

 

Most days I'm a 8.. but I'm single and sometimes feel I'm still licking my wounds so I think it's okay to not be a 10

When I'm a 6, I get lonely.. or I should say I'm a 6 because I'm lonely..

But even that is okay because I love being by myself.. but it can get old talking to the mirror in the mornings

 

I could force myself to get out there and remove the 6 downer and then make it an 8-10 all the time but sometimes I just don't feel like I want that right now

 

I stay a steady 8 in my career choices and my jobs

[noclobber]

I am really getting interesting replies here

 

But I can see one common factor underlying all the answers. Almost all of you are focusing more about your attitude towards life than life itself. In other words none of you are saying "Yes I am a very ambitious person, I set goals, and if I want something I go for it and get it". Instead your replies are more of "well this is what has happened in my life, I learnt some lessons, and I am happy".

 

That's a good way of looking at things. But that exactly is the reason for my question -> Does it really make sense to want someone or something OR just take life as it comes and be happy with it?? Is there really any use in dreaming about the future and wanting things and people that we like a lot??? For me I am getting close to giving up on living life and rather just exist. Because everytime I want someone or something so badly I only end up not getting it and get frustrated. Makes me say "why do i even want something anymore?"

[luvtoto]

The OLD, MISERABLE me: "Yes I am a very ambitious person, I set goals, and if I want something I go for it and get it".

 

The NEW and HAPPIER me: "well this is what has happened in my life, I learnt some lessons, and I am happy".

[Tony T]

Happiness is the state of being content with the present. The greatest source of unhappiness is the looking back on the past with regret and the looking into the future with uncertainty. There is simply no way to be unhappy in the present moment, no matter what's happening.

 

When something really bad happens to me these days, I simply think that I could have been blown to bits in Iraq or killed on the way to work. If I'm alive and can look forward to more moments, that's happiness. The minute I start depending on anything or anyone other than my own self to make me happy, I'm in big trouble.

 

You ask how happy I am? I'm happy as shxt!!!

[noclobber]

Happiness is the state of being content with the present. The greatest source of unhappiness is the looking back on the past with regret and the looking into the future with uncertainty. There is simply no way to be unhappy in the present moment, no matter what's happening.

 

When something really bad happens to me these days, I simply think that I could have been blown to bits in Iraq or killed on the way to work. If I'm alive and can look forward to more moments, that's happiness. The minute I start depending on anything or anyone other than my own self to make me happy, I'm in big trouble.

 

You ask how happy I am? I'm happy as shxt!!!

 

That's fantastic Tony! Love it..

 

But as humans we want certain things, don't we? And if you are continually being denied of what you want how would you take it? Would you still make plans for the future? Would you still continue to want things?

 

There is simply no way to be unhappy in the present moment, no matter what's happening.

 

And as for regrets, I have plenty of them. And like you said that is making me unhappy now. I did some horrible mistakes in the past and I am suffering now. How can I possibly be happy now? while I am in pain b'cos of the mistakes that I committed?

[Outcast]

Are you guys happy with your life as it is now?

 

Hm. I don't look at it that way. I am a very happy person. I'm happy I'm healthy and that I have enough money to get by so I'm grateful for those things, but there's many things I don't have and that's ok. I'd say I'm pretty much between 7.5 and 9.5 most of the time and I do hit 10s

 

Did you get the things that you wanted?

 

Just about none of them. Yet. I will never quit believing that it's possible.

 

Do you feel a sense of control about the things happening in your life?

 

Not about what happens - too many times things have completely blown up on me. However about how I deal with what happens - absolutely.

 

It only keeps resulting in disappointment and frustration.

 

I don't remember what movie it was, but there was a movie in which the protagonist called every disaster a 'minor setback'.

 

Read this:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t91483/

it's great!

Should I still have goals and want things or should I just say "Let me be happy with what I get instead of aiming for something"

 

Have goals but don't allow your life and your happiness to depend on them.

 

??? Is there any meaning to life if we can't get the things we want????

 

Life is not about getting what you want! It's about liking what you have

Part of growing up happily is understanding that you may very well not get what you want and being able to not only cope but thrive despite it. It really is all about attitude!!!

 

And if you can't change your own attitude, then you may need help.

[phyrespryte]

Why do people link big career, school, money with happiness?

 

I don't know. I guess it just made sense. Like pass 1st grade move onto 2nd. Finish high school go to college. Finish college get a career. Get a career grow up. I assumed that's how things worked and since I had friends already doing those things I felt like I screwed up.

 

Anyways, I think it's good to have goals and want things. I'm at a point in my life where I don't want to be content or comfortable. If I was to do that then I'd go from working part-time at the mall to being a full-time manager and I'd have married my ex. None of those things would've have been good. I've decided that I can do better and I'm going to try to do that. I'm not expecting to get a dream job and have everything I've always wanted, but I'm not settling for whatever falls in front of me.

[Great Gazoo]

Right now in my life I would say I am around 3 out of 10. When I was 18 and younger it would be almost 10 but alcohol had alot to do with that. Since then I have been sliding down the scale.

 

I used to always get the material things I wanted. I would work hard to get them but I am missing alot of things in my life. Things in the past that were not important, things I left behind trying to keep to a plan I had made for my life many years ago. So now I do look back with regrets and I think it has alot to do with why I am now at 3.

 

I think I would be alot more happier if in the past I never made goals, never made plans. I should of dreamed more and worked less. My life just seems so empty these days and I don't think I can ever be a person to just take life as it comes. I live for control and can't stand it when things happen I can't control. I always thought if you worked hard enough you could get anything but that is just not true.

 

Mistakes and lessons learned usually just piss me off because they are usually painful and expensive. They make me feel like a failure and I should try that much harder. I would say there is nothing wrong with having goals just don't set them with crazy glue like I did, be flexible and use them more as a guide in your life.