Tony T Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 That's fantastic Tony! Love it.. But as humans we want certain things, don't we? And if you are continually being denied of what you want how would you take it? Would you still make plans for the future? Would you still continue to want things? It is the wants that imprison us and chain us to the tree of unhappiness. The Buddhists teach us to let to of attachments and free ourself of desires and live in each moment. I'm not so sure that's such a bad idea. I have never, ever seen the Dali Lama when he wasn't very happy and cheerful. It's OK to want things and to go after them. But don't be attached to the result...just be happy on the journey. After all, isn't it the anticipation that is always much more fascinating that the consummation? You cannot be denied anything or any particular result which you are not making a condition of your happiness. Just be happy with life as it flows and your happiness will bring results that will bring even more joy. It is the seeking and the needing that BLOCKS results that will be joyous. "A good traveller has no particular destination, and is not intent on arriving." - Zen Saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Bogun Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 It is the wants that imprison us and chain us to the tree of unhappiness. The Buddhists teach us to let to of attachments and free ourself of desires and live in each moment. I'm not so sure that's such a bad idea. I have never, ever seen the Dali Lama when he wasn't very happy and cheerful. Right now I'm about a 2/10 on the happy chappy scale. I'd be a definite one if it wasnt for all the buddhist stuff Ive learnt over the past few years. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 That's great! The Buddhist stuff doubled your happiness! Maybe I'll check it out. Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I'm pretty damn happy right now. I'm no good at scales, but I'd guess I'm at a 8.5-9. I don't think I'd ever say that I'm a 10 because no matter how happy I am, saying that it's the happiest I'll ever be seems kind of sad. Like looking at the best day of your life with the attitude that it's all downhill from here. Kinda automatically kills the 10 in my head. But I digress. I have gotten just about everything that I wanted (except a dog), just not in the original manner or on the same time scale that I originally projected. I had to work my ass of for it. For me having goals is of vital importance to my happiness. It's been a long time since I didn't have any goals or lost sight of what I wanted, but I usually begin to feel bad about myself. Like I should take control of my destiny instead of just riding the waves. With that said, one of the most important parts of these goals is that they roll with the punches and/or are adaptable. It's important to have goals that are obtainable. And lots of them are. You also of course need to not let life pass you by while you are planning for tomorrow. I've enjoyed the journey thus far and plan to continue to do so. In fact, I've got pit stops that I want to make in this journey, but the truth of the matter is that for me, I never want to reach the end. I want to continue to grow and create new goals for myself until I die. Instead of "I must have girl A" have the goal of finding a woman who you are compatable with and have a great connection with. That way, when girl A is not that girl, you haven't missed your goal. Does that make sense? But as far as working for the company, this one is doable, just maybe not on your time scale. Talk to someone there. What are they looking for in an employee? How does that differ from what you are offering? What can you do to change that? And just because you don't get the job the first time you apply, doesn't mean that you can't apply again. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I was watching "A brief history of time" last night and the way S. Hawking went from being an alcoholic screw up to applying himself because of his disability really made me think. There's one part where he talks about how, before being diagnosed with his illness, he felt really quite bored with life. Like there wasn't anything worth doing. Shortly after being diagnosed, he dreamt that he was going to be executed. He realized in that moment that there really were a lot of things he wanted to do before he died. It was a shame that it took a debilitating illness to focus his vast abilities on the structure of the universe itself, but that process benefited more than just himself. Ultimately I think that these kinds of existential dilemmas are flashing warning lights from the psyche. You have to re-adjust your lens and refocus or clarify your goals. In the grand scheme of things, not getting into a school you want, isn't so bad. IME you can go through great hardships and moments of terrifying chaos, and those moments redefine you. As I get older I realize that attaining the goals isn't so important as the process you go through trying to get towards them - always striving, never quite attaining. The redefinition of you, the process that occurs to change the subtle structures that define "you" -- that's the important part. Sometimes I think that we can miss the happiness that is occuring right now, in a dolorous examination of our own expectations that leaves us too farsighted, and makes now too blurry. Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 A friend of mine spent years and years in college to get her degree. Seh sacrificed spending time with her kids and husband. Two weeks before her graduation, she was killed in a car accident. If a person spends their life waiting to meet that special someone, waiting to get your degree, waiting till you lose those extra pounds, whatever, and then in a blink of an eye, it's over. Makes a person appreciate what they have right now. I don't live for the future much. I live for the present. The future may or may not come. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 That's great! The Buddhist stuff doubled your happiness! Maybe I'll check it out. omg I think i need to check this stuff out too As for ambition, you need some of it. You need money to live comfortably, so striving for a good job is a good thing. However, you run into trouble when you become very specific in your needs. Instead of needing a specific person to be your mate, or a specific position and a specific company, you'd be so much happier if you let go of the high expectations and let people come into your life and let the job take you where it will take you. Life is best when you have a balance. Some ambition so you have a sense of purpose in your life, but no high expectations so when they dont come true you're not overly disappointed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author noclobber Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 Great points guys! In summary I get a feeling that it makes more sense to have vague goals rather than specific ones. But I find it difficult to do. I really don't think "I want to go to a good university" instead I think on the lines of "I want to go Stanford". Same goes with women... I don't think "I will date around and see if I can get a girlfriend".. I am more of the "Wow this girl is awesome I got to date her and somehow get her as a girlfriend". Its really about the passion.. Everybody wants to go to school, get a job, get married, get rich... But it doesn't say anything about me as an indvidual, does it? Another thing is does it really make sense to have goals given the way things are changing? I am currently working in the Software Industry. But if I have goal of becoming damn good in what I do and be passionate about it I will only be crushed when my job gets outsourced to China or India. It only makes sense to just take it easy and just survive... See my point? This is just one example... I guess same goes with relationships... Instead of being passionate about a girl and truly wanting her I think it would be easier if I just think "I will get married to some girl and be happy". I used to be ambitious but after seeing the realities of life I am coming to a conclusion that its prudent to just exist rather than to truly live! Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 In summary I get a feeling that it makes more sense to have vague goals rather than specific ones. Yes it does make more sense. Having very specific goals will increase the odds of them being unrealised so it is better to have generalised goals and aspirations. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Or maybe you need to re-examine what truely living is all about. I mean, I could get a regular job and work 8-5 every day. Or I could get into Americorps and get paid way less to do volunteer work for a year. The first option, to get a regular job, would give me more money, and make me more socially successful. I could get a new car or at least get my stinky old one repainted. I could re-do the bathroom, which has half the wallpaper torn off. Or I could volunteer for a year and get lots less money, and lots more life experience. I dunno. I guess it depends on what your definition of "living" is. Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I so agree with tony & BO, Life is not about a b or c it is about the journey. And it is good to have goals but not so rigid ones. also what are you passions? You talk about your jobs and women but what are you passionate about, art, writing, music, gardening? Many times what you do for a living doesn't define who you are. Maybe your goals need readjusting. Like BO said what do you really want out of life it may not be the girl or the money. never in a million years did I think I would end up where I am today a country house in VT with a bf who is 19 years older than me. But here I am and I am so happy. Yeah I stuggle and I have things I want to change within myself and also externally like my job etc.. My health kinda sucks but I love my life. today I am happy because my cat woke me up by kneeding me and wanting to snuggle, It's warm the sun is shining I saw my BF at lunch. I will go home and plant some flowers, hang with the BF hopefully have sex and fall asleep. A good today. Also I do have goals and so far have meant everyone of them but not in the way I had envisioned. sometimes the journey takes you all over the place but you eventually get there or maybe somewhere better. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 It was a shame that it took a debilitating illness to focus his vast abilities on the structure of the universe itself, but that process benefited more than just himself. It usually takes a major life even before someone makes a big turnaround in their life (and makes it permanent). Link to post Share on other sites
Author noclobber Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 Well when I was doing my undergrad in Mechanical Engineering in India I had dreams about going to the USA and join NASA. I was so passionate about it.... to go on space missions and exploration. I succeeded in coming to America and once I joined my Master's in Mechancial Engg. I realized that unless and until I am a US citizen I cannot get into NASA. So that was it I got stumped right there... I gave up on that dream but still continued in Mechanical. And then came the IT revolution and almost all the jobs seemed to be only in that field. I helplessly watched as all my friends moved to IT b'cos of a job guarantee. In time I learnt the practical truth that if I continue in Mechanical Engg I may end up without a job. And if we, international students don't get a job we lose our status and will be kicked out of the country. So I joined the crowd and moved to IT. (1999) Once I was in the IT field I found myself interested in Telecommunications and Networks speciality. So I changed schools and did a Master's in Telecommunications and Network Management. Exactly when I was finishing up my M.S. recession started in 2001 and telecom industry ended up being worst hit. I sturggled to get a job and after trying very hard I realized that I will continue to be jobless if I am adamant about my dreams. I gave up Networking as well and switched to Software Testing. I finally managed to get contract jobs and just a month ago I got a permanent job in Software Testing. So here I am now with a job... But is this truly what I wanted to do? nope, it was just a means to survive. I like my job but I am not very passionate about it. Does it make sense to make any plans or have dreams? no, not to me atleast. This is just one of the examples that I wanted to mention. I pretty much have the same bad luck when it comes to women as well.. I am still single... So this is what I am talking about... wanting something very much and ending up not getting it. So my question is should we really have dreams and goals? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I pretty much have the same bad luck when it comes to women as well.. I am still single... you can have your family back home set up an arranged marriage for you with a nice Desi girl. That is always a valid option. Link to post Share on other sites
Author noclobber Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 you can have your family back home set up an arranged marriage for you with a nice Desi girl. That is always a valid option. I can easily do that Alpha but that's not what I want. I don't want to have an arranged marriage. I want to choose by my own. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I can easily do that Alpha but that's not what I want. I don't want to have an arranged marriage. I want to choose by my own. Many of the "choose my own" marriages have turned out in disaster for Desi people living in the U.S. Link to post Share on other sites
Author noclobber Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 Many of the "choose my own" marriages have turned out in disaster for Desi people living in the U.S. I don't care. I don't want to marry a stranger... I want to date, get to know the person, and then marry. This is what I want! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I want to date, get to know the person, and then marry. OK, no problem. What I want to do is date, get to know person, and then split... Link to post Share on other sites
Author noclobber Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 OK, no problem. What I want to do is date, get to know person, and then split... That's why you are alphamale Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 agreed with most poster said "what is important is the JOURNEY" I think you set goals are good thing, but most time we cannot go straight to that particular goal (as I know most successful people did not), then we have to go around, just keep that goal in mind, go with the flow, during thisjourney we do our best and enjoy the journey itself, then maybe new chances come, who knows, maybe you find new goals some people's goals are simple, be a good mother, be a good teacher...and I think the people who learn to appreciate the things they have are happy people Link to post Share on other sites
john1776 Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 I'd say on a scale of 1-10 I'm at a 6. I'm not goal oriented or ambitious. I guess I have one goal and that's just doing what it takes to get by in this existence. Even doing what it takes to get by is hard enough work as it is. What I mean by that is getting the bare minimal physical necessities (food, clothing, shelter). Everything else is a luxury. My being able to get on the internet and post on LS is a luxury. If I lost my internet service I wouldn't be all that disappointed. Do I think it's worth wanting the things in life that are difficult to obtain? Absolutely not. I'm not one of those guys who wants a challenge. Alot of posters say that we all want what we can't have or that we all want those girls or guys who are a challenge. Well I don't. I've learned to be content with the women I can get. I do settle for what I have and I train my mind to be content with the simple things in life. I live my life 1 day at a time. Thankfull my girlfriend is the same way. She doesn't have long term goals. She's repeatedly told me that she lives her life day by day. She's satisified with just the basic necessities. I've asked her from time to time if she's happy. She has said yes. I don't just mean with her life but with our relationship as well. I'm in love with what's in her soul and that makes her pretty in my eyes. The sex is mediocre but still satisfying. I'd much rather date a mediocre looking girl who appreciates the simple things in life than to date an above average looking girl who constantly wants excitement. I don't have any college degrees. Therefore I'm not educated by american society's standards. But you know what I'm still happy. I'm not going to be unhappy just because society says that I should want to have a fancy sports car and a big house and a top field career. I'm not the kind of person who likes to have a busy schedule if I don't have to. I'd rather be bored than be too busy. I'm most happy when I have alot of free time on my hands. I've always found that I'm more depressed when I have a ton of things to do in such a short period of time. That puts pressure & stress on me and I don't need it. I'd say that as long as I have food, sex from time to time, laughing & hanging out with my gf I'm pretty happy with my life. But even with sex I can satisfy myself when my girlfriend is not around but if she's available and willing then so much for the better. I work because I love to eat not because I like my job. I don't think I would work at all if I didn't like to eat. I'm basically living like an animal. My basic goal in life is survival and I'm happy. I don't think about what tomorrow will bring because today's troubles are enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author noclobber Posted June 22, 2006 Author Share Posted June 22, 2006 I'd say that as long as I have food, sex from time to time, laughing & hanging out with my gf I'm pretty happy with my life. I don't have a girlfriend... and I don't think I will ever get one... I have consistently been unsuccessful... my biological needs are not being met.... I am frustrated... what's the use of having any goals in life when your most basic needs are thwarted again and again?????? Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 How happy am I? I am so damn happy I could just s*** myself! Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 I don't have a girlfriend... and I don't think I will ever get one... I have consistently been unsuccessful... my biological needs are not being met.... I am frustrated... what's the use of having any goals in life when your most basic needs are thwarted again and again?????? So what are you saying? That you should just quit living and *plugging away* like the rest of us simply because you are not getting laid? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 I don't have a girlfriend... and I don't think I will ever get one... I have consistently been unsuccessful... my biological needs are not being met.... I am frustrated... unfortuantely NC....if you were not raised in the US and don't have the "american" mind-set its very hard to pull off the western-style dating. I've been living here since age 7 and went to school here and all that. Even with that I sometimes still have a hard time mixing eastern and western value systems. Link to post Share on other sites
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