How happy are you???????

[Walk]

Walk

 

That was damn harsh but I understand the point you are trying to get across. Truth hurts... But nevertheless its the truth.

 

I just hope that you don't hate me for who I am...

 

I don't hate you. I admire what you've accomplished in your life. The difficulties you've overcome have been tremendous. That's partly why I don't understand this outlook you have. You look back and see failure. I look at what you've done and have seen someone overcome great odds through sheer determination and will power. I see a man who has decades of life ahead of him in which he could change the course of life into something awe inspiring. Someone who has the ability to become truly great, but whose negative thoughts control him.

 

You're wandering a very dark path noclobber. I hate to see you on that road. I've been there too, and it's not a good place to be. I had someone kick me in the butt multiple times before I got the message.

 

I want to see you happy noclobber. But you have to begin that road on your own. No one here can force you onto it. We can advise where to start. Ask questions to clarify your thoughts. Help you see potential different perspectives. We can let you vent, or talk... but no one here can force you into anything. That's completely your choice.

 

Go to a doctor, please. Get checked over and see if there's something physical causing this depression. You deserve to be happy and you aren't. It might be as simple as low thyroid. And if the tests all come back normal, then ask what other options are available. Please.

[AriaIncognito]

I even think that I should not want anything anymore. It only keeps resulting in disappointment and frustration.

 

....

 

I am just fed up of it all.... I just feel like a zombie.. I don't feel like I am living... only existing!!

 

Noclobber, I can totally relate to these feelings, unfortunately. I often feel as if my life just consists of going to work, coming home, paying the bills, and that there's not much true happiness in it. I was quite happy with my recent ex, but even that was so volatile that it was up and down *since he was never certain he wanted to commit, I'd get sad/lonely even though I technically had him...because I wanted him to be 100% with me, not 50%).

 

Sometimes I feel like there are things that hold me back from even trying. Fear of failure maybe? Fear of obtaining things i seek, and then realizing that they too weren't the answer to my happiness? I don't know. What I really want out of life, is to be with someone. To get married. To be a family. I desire the comfort of a close relationship. However, I'm so tired of the whole dating thing. The dating thing that always seems to lead to heartbreak.

 

You know what i mean?

 

Jennifer

[chocolate_boy]

You know I've felt lost for years, today I'm particularly down if I'm honest. One of the main reasons is I'd acheived my life ambitions by the time I was 21.. got my dream job, girlfriend etc. Since then, lost the girlfriend and the job I dreamt about through all my teen years is reality and quite frankly although I love it, doesn't excite me in the quite the same way, and part of me thought i would never end up doing it, maybe cos it all came so easily too, it all just fell into place.

 

Now i find myself at 26 years old with a career that no longer really excites me (but no idea of anything else i could or want to do), no girlfriend, although I have several prospective girls I could date, for some reason since my ex and i split last sept my desire has died.. that's sad too, I seem to have closed off that part of my feelings.

 

I even try and put girls off me so I won't date them, today this girl I do quite like, and is very nice and pretty, I think she likes me but I deliberately made out I had no interest in her, she basically asked me out a few times but i made excuses.. I just can't be bothered, I have had so many painful break-ups i can't do it again.

 

I also find myself with rather pretentious friends, who either hang around with my for my status or cos I am known as a party animal, whereas now I don't even want to do or be that person anymore, I had a moment of realisation a few weeks ago while doing loads of drugs with my supposed "friends" that I hated all these people, and would not associate with them unless i was high.

 

So I quit. Sadly I tried going out sober on sat night, and while i'm usually the life and soul of the party on drink and drugs, I was quiet and no one really spoke to me, conversation was hard, and i eventually slipped away home and no one even notticed for hours!!

 

And today a good friend I work with, who I thought respected me and was a nice guy has been a bit nasty to be, ended up sending me abusive texts (calling me a f**king prick!) cos i wouldnt come out and party tonight.. nice.

 

I wish I could be like one of those guys who doesn't give a f**k but I'm a deeply sensitive person, I don't always show it though.

 

I just feel lonely I suppose. I have got in touch with some old friends I left behind and an ex gf from years ago, but these are all people that have ditched me at some point in my life. I just feel I need to command more respect from people maybe.

 

I also feel selfish I guess, there are people that would kill for my life I know, I have nice house, plenty of money, dream job, live "the life" i suppose, but it all feels so empty..

 

On the other hand, I am quite happy being alone, and would happily live as a loner I think, I love being in my room locked up and with no one around a lot of the time.