Can anyone help me?

[nottaflower]

I am twenty-five but no one has ever really loved me. I don't even know what it's like! I'm reluctant to call my previous entanglements relationships because there are certain things I'm sure that one is supposed to experience for it to count: He has to show PARTICULAR interest for me, he should be trustworthy and he should be affectionate towards me. Maybe my standards are to high but I have made the effort to expect and accept less and have ended up only feeling bitter and hurt in the end.

 

Is what I'm asking for wrong or to much? Trust is so important to me, but it seems that the only trustworthy guys I meet are busy being genuinely trustworthy to someone else! I wish I could enjoy that, too.

 

Why is it that other girls get to experience being pursued and sought after by guys they like/want but I don't? Looks have nothing to do with it either because a lot of people seem to think I'm attractive. But I don't (won't) throw myself a guys-I don't do anything to create pressure at all. As a matter of fact, if I sense that I may be getting to much in a guys space, I willfully withdraw so I don't scare them away.

 

Some people might say that I should simply take the initiative - I have in the past and I have only been rejected or made sorry for expressing interest. I don't know what to do. I don't want to depend on anyone for anything-I'm happier when I am self sufficient, but I need to feel loved. I feel like I'm being starved.

 

No matter how awful I feel, I refuse to accept just anyone for the sake of being with someone. I wish I were less demanding and more likable in the way that get other girls good partners.

 

I feel so rotten and I wish I were someone different. Maybe if I were more confident...I can honstly say though that I put on a pretty convincing show of confidence to everyone around me. They have no idea that I have these feeling inside. I crack jokes and go out with friends and guys especially think I'm funny and exciting. But when it comes down to it, none of the ones I am attracted to show interest. They always seem to want or have someone else who gets to enjoy their devotion. I wish I could have that, too.

 

Some people might say to just go out with/hook up with the ones that I have no particular interest in - do I really have to invent a desire or an attraction within myself that simply doesn't exist? If I went to a restaurant and ordered a steak and they brought me liver under the pretext that "that's food, too, you know," do I eat it though it disgusts me or do I send it back to the kitchen? What would you do? I don't know what to do anymore. I try to be cool - at least none of my coworkers know what I'm going through- but I am so alone and just wish I knew the magic formula for getting what I want out of life and love instead of just sitting around with a smile on my face and a lap full of standards.

 

Help.

[Asrael]

Love isn't something that occurs instantaneously; it's something that develops over time. It takes two people quite a while to develop that bond of trust and closeness. So give it time, down be so down on yourself. You've just been with the wrong people. Enjoy your life for now, don't let your man-lessness get you down because it's a huge waste of time and life. I know it may be hard to be happy, but if you're not, people are going to pick up on it. No matter how good you are at covering it up, people will be able to pick up that you're not quite yourself. So don't act. Be yourself, express your feelings, try writing about how you feel in the form of poetry. That's one thing that got me through hard times. Spending time by myself to give myself time to think did so much to help me grow. Just don't waste your life being sad. You're not going to go your whole life without being loved. There are plenty of people who love you, some you don't even know about, and many more to come. Don't give up hope, you're going to meet some very special people. Just open up to them and see what happens, give them a chance.

 

~Asrael

[Mike]

You may have to come out of your shell. I am a shy person also but I recently read a little about overcoming shyness. There is nothing wrong with initiating a relationship with someone you are attracted to if your intentions are sincere. Don't pursue men that are involved and don't compromise your standards. But initiating a friendship/relationship with someone else may be a good idea. They may be shy too! There is also nothing wrong with being rejected. Your intentions were honest and meant no harm so you have no reason to feel bad. No one worthy of friendship will think any less of you for expressing your interest in them. Sometimes things click, sometimes things don't...that goes for everyone.

 

And to make you feel better check out the "anymore nice girl postings" below. I am looking for the girl with enough confidence to go it alone rather than be with the wrong person. So you never know!

[Silky]

And I thought I was the only one!

 

Well its nice to know that Im not. Im strugging with he same problem here. I just dont want any guy, I want a guy that truely cares about me and i truly care about. HArd thing is I cant really stick myself infrount of them and demand attantion, Id rather give a guy space......

 

anyway, if you ever do suss this one out. drop a message on here and say how,

 

otherwise.

 

your not the only one out there ike this so NO WORRIES~

[nottaflower]

Your words have really helped me. Thank you all for taking the time to respond.

I am twenty-five but no one has ever really loved me. I don't even know what it's like! I'm reluctant to call my previous entanglements relationships because there are certain things I'm sure that one is supposed to experience for it to count: He has to show PARTICULAR interest for me, he should be trustworthy and he should be affectionate towards me. Maybe my standards are to high but I have made the effort to expect and accept less and have ended up only feeling bitter and hurt in the end. Is what I'm asking for wrong or to much? Trust is so important to me, but it seems that the only trustworthy guys I meet are busy being genuinely trustworthy to someone else! I wish I could enjoy that, too. Why is it that other girls get to experience being pursued and sought after by guys they like/want but I don't? Looks have nothing to do with it either because a lot of people seem to think I'm attractive. But I don't (won't) throw myself a guys-I don't do anything to create pressure at all. As a matter of fact, if I sense that I may be getting to much in a guys space, I willfully withdraw so I don't scare them away. Some people might say that I should simply take the initiative - I have in the past and I have only been rejected or made sorry for expressing interest. I don't know what to do. I don't want to depend on anyone for anything-I'm happier when I am self sufficient, but I need to feel loved. I feel like I'm being starved. No matter how awful I feel, I refuse to accept just anyone for the sake of being with someone. I wish I were less demanding and more likable in the way that get other girls good partners.

 

I feel so rotten and I wish I were someone different. Maybe if I were more confident...I can honstly say though that I put on a pretty convincing show of confidence to everyone around me. They have no idea that I have these feeling inside. I crack jokes and go out with friends and guys especially think I'm funny and exciting. But when it comes down to it, none of the ones I am attracted to show interest. They always seem to want or have someone else who gets to enjoy their devotion. I wish I could have that, too.

 

Some people might say to just go out with/hook up with the ones that I have no particular interest in - do I really have to invent a desire or an attraction within myself that simply doesn't exist? If I went to a restaurant and ordered a steak and they brought me liver under the pretext that "that's food, too, you know," do I eat it though it disgusts me or do I send it back to the kitchen? What would you do? I don't know what to do anymore. I try to be cool - at least none of my coworkers know what I'm going through- but I am so alone and just wish I knew the magic formula for getting what I want out of life and love instead of just sitting around with a smile on my face and a lap full of standards. Help.