Tony, tell me why im an idiot plz?...

[yes]

Tony, could you politely tell me i'm an idiot again?

 

i'm still unresolved with that guy with whom i used to be friends, then he asked me out, i broke up with my bf, he distanced cuz he thought i rejected him, but rlly i was dealing w/ the break up, etc.

 

last thing was that he said he was confused and i just whatever, just let it be.

 

well - he's backing off again ...

 

why? my instict is to back off myself too... but last time i had that instict, i didnt follow it, i talked to him, and it turned out he misinterpreted my words about needing some time to deal with the break up... he also said during that conversation that he wishes i'd be the aggressive one sometimes...

 

so - now i'm not sure what to do

 

if he's backing off b/c he interpreted my "whatever, just let it be" as rejecting him as a guy, - i dont wanna back off, cuz i do like him, i simply dont want to make it official, un-casual ...

 

if he's backing off for some other reason - so will i ...

 

what to do? am i overanalyzing? in what sense am i being an idiot this time?

[Tony T]

Maybe not an idiot this time...but you need to sit down and calmly talk to this guy and resolve your feelings and the situation. Talk this out until both of you have a clear understanding of what's going on.

 

This is part of good communication. If you are sitting face to face and open to explaining every word you say then there is no way he can misinterpret anything. Watch your words and speak plainly, simply and clearly.

 

If he refuses to talk, forget him.

 

If this guy is such a wuss, I would dump him anyway.

[yes]

Tony,

 

He doesn't refuse to talk at all. More like I'm the one who won't talk.

 

Because i feel like if i say "yes, we're going out", it makes me attached to him, that once i say that, i have to break up with him if i decide to have a date with some other guy ... im just not into giving up too much of my freedom right now. i was hoping it would simply flow, and give me time to decide how deeply to get into it ... so far, it's physical attraction more than anything else...

 

if i talk to him, how can i put this into nice words?

 

Thanks

Maybe not an idiot this time...but you need to sit down and calmly talk to this guy and resolve your feelings and the situation. Talk this out until both of you have a clear understanding of what's going on. This is part of good communication. If you are sitting face to face and open to explaining every word you say then there is no way he can misinterpret anything. Watch your words and speak plainly, simply and clearly. If he refuses to talk, forget him. If this guy is such a wuss, I would dump him anyway.

[Daisy]

So tell him that you want to casually date. By this, he needs to understand that you want to have the freedom to date other people, just as he will have the freedom to date others as well. No seriousness involved. Just fun.

 

Although, just so you know, relationships can't last forever like this. One of you will either lose interest in the other person and just simply stop making dates ... or one of you (or perhaps both) will grow more and more attached, thus making casual dating impossible.

 

So sure, there's nothing wrong with starting a relationship out like this. It allows you to get a feel for the person and decide whether or not they're worth spending more time with ... plus you get the benefits of dating other people, to test the waters so to speak.

 

Keep in mind though, if he's already got feelings for you, he might not like the idea of sharing you with any other guys. That can be a hard pill to swallow.

[Tony T]

Daisy put it very well. Just tell him EXACTLY the way you want things to be. If he can't handle it, then that's just too bad. If you don't look out for yourself, nobody else will.

 

If he can't understand that you want to go out with him but not on an exclusive basis, then he is way too stupid for you anyway.

 

Never, ever be too timid to say exactly what's on your mind. Some people may not like what they hear but they will always appreciate the straightforwardness and honesty.

[yes]

Thanks a lot for your comments guys!!

Daisy put it very well. Just tell him EXACTLY the way you want things to be. If he can't handle it, then that's just too bad. If you don't look out for yourself, nobody else will. If he can't understand that you want to go out with him but not on an exclusive basis, then he is way too stupid for you anyway. Never, ever be too timid to say exactly what's on your mind. Some people may not like what they hear but they will always appreciate the straightforwardness and honesty.