wifely obligations and priorities???

[Pink_Tulip]

Trimmer- I completely agree with the jist of your post. But the issue I have are the OP's expectations of things like sex. Of course it is important for the couple to talk about everything. But it is one thing to say, it is important to me that sex be a priority in our relationship, and, I expect sex. The latter implies that the wife must comply whether she is in the mood or not. I personally do not see that as even close to a healthy, happy marriage.

[Pink_Tulip]

Nothing is confusing, you claimed she made a terrible generalisation, I showed you that's not true. However, all clear now, please read what Trimmer said, that was more accurate and well put than anything I can produce early in the morning

 

ummm, ok. I claimed nothing except that I disagree with her. But whatever.

[Trimmer]

I personally do not see that as even close to a healthy, happy marriage.

 

I hear you, and I can't see a marriage like that working for me, but what can we do from the outside, when two thinking adults who settle on a set of "nuggets" through a mutually agreeable process decide that they are both interested and excited to move forward? Who among us can go in there and say "oh, no no, this isn't healthy..." How would that work? I don't think that any of the women in my life would find the OP's nuggets agreeable, but I trust them to come to that conclusion for themselves, and go on to find healthy relationships according to their own definitions.

 

So if you want to say to the OP (and he did ask...) "I don't think that I would agree to your obligations", then great, but it sounds like some folks are edging into "you are wrong/unhealthy/behind the times", and I just can't put myself in a position to judge or intervene.

 

If he finds someone and they develop common ground, then as Alexandra put it earlier, he is farther along than a lot of us, as he has established what his nuggets are, and is prepared to share them clearly before getting married.

 

If you asked for a show of hands of people who got married without doing that first, regrettably, my hand would be up.

[Pink_Tulip]

Lol T, this thread has taken so many turns...

 

You are correct, and I was one of the first people to respond to the OP saying the same thing. My point was, since he was asking, that having expectations of things like sex can ultimately be a very negative thing.

 

For example. He and the future Mrs both agree before marriage that sex three times a week is an expectation for both. Sounds great, until kids come along, stress from work, a parent dies, whatever. Those of us who have been married a while know you have NO clue what is gonna happen in your marriage and your life that will make you change your opinion about things. So wifey's mom dies, and she just isn't in the mood. But OP has this expectation of sex that they agreed upon up front. So who is right??? That is my point about expectations. It is important to talk about things, but also be very flexible and fluid. The OP stated himself is he very rigid. I am not judging him per se, just trying to show how all his work and forethought may not yeild the utopia he envisions.

[Trimmer]

Yeah, it's been an interesting one. At first I just wanted to hit him over the head, but look at me now.

 

And yes, I agree, I am concerned that the rigidity of his expectations may not survive the test of time and the reality of a committed life together over many years, and that's why I strongly encourage him to be extremely clear with his prospective wife, and especially to take a hard look at the kids issue. Two adults can choose to start or depart a family - kids don't get that choice. In that sense, the kids should not be a secondhand consideration.

[Pyro]

When I, or if I ever get married, I would expect my wife to treat me exactly how I treat her. I expect to have her support me, through the good times and bad. I expect her to be my best friend, my partner if you will through marriage.

 

If we are both working full-time jobs, then we will split the house chores evenly, 50/50.

 

If I am having an issue, I will talk to her about it and work with her on the best solution possible.

 

If we have kids, then I do expect more of her attention and priorities to go toward the kids, but I also imply the point that I made above this one.

[Outcast]

I don't think that any of the women in my life would find the OP's nuggets agreeable

 

Trimmer, I really enjoy your posts and I agree with what you're saying but I'm a facetious sort of gal oftentimes and I am having a hard time with 'nuggets' here Perhaps a different analogy? 'Cards'?

(trying valiantly to shake a mental vision of women examining some fellow's 'nuggets')

 

sigh. ok. ahm. as you were...

[Alexandra]

Neat nuggets Riddler. With that said, even ugly nuggets deserve love!

[Pyro]

Neat nuggets Riddler. With that said, even ugly nuggets deserve love!

 

Thank you, I guess.

 

Thats a first. My nuggets were never mentioned on LS before.

[Alexandra]

Well it's important to note that showing one's nuggets takes balls!

[Pyro]

Well it's important to note that showing one's nuggets takes balls!

 

Yes indeed. and I have them to prove it.

[iamanisland]

Ok, i read them all and if i remember them... here is what I have to say: -

 

1) Women cant maintain and sustain themselves???

 

They can, but men can do it better from a personality perspective... I believe a woman has to masculinize herself a bit to compete in the rat-race... men I suppose are ratty enough already ... as in, I think men are better suited to that kind of stuff...

 

Also, if kids come along, if at all possible, my wife will not have twice the job (and heart-ache) by working and child rearing... I'll do my best to make her life easier by working more so she doesnt have to. I fully appreciate the difficulty of motherhood. And its my job to maintain her and protect her and not expect her to do my job in the family.

 

Women (some do anyway) like feeling kept and protected, I'm guessing, and men like keeping and protecting so that works out.

 

Why not?? If you trust your husband, what is wrong in trusting him to support? Why must both partner have the exact same role? men and women ARE NOT the same... and to all the feminists, DEAL WITH IT!

 

If I have kids, i pan to fulfill my obligations to them as best I can, in teaching, caring and protecting... (and ok loving)... I don't take on responsibility then ignore it. I am a man of my word.

 

2) Nuggets from hell??

 

So it seems some people find my nuggets anything but finger licking good...

 

Well lets see...

 

I plan to marry a woman with the same outlook as myself... frankly, marrying a modern day woman with all her confused and brainwashed needs and ideas would do my head in. So i'll save my sanity and hers by never doing that.

 

To the woman who would hate her daugher to have someone like me... fine... but I am a man who is trustworthy, fair and honest. Loving and caring. No woman i marry has to fear betrayal or disrespect from me. Maybe you want a man who expects her to work, who belittles her feminine instincts and sees protecting her as old fashioned. fine, thats her bed to sleep in.

 

My nuggets... Well... as far as I;m concerned they are very important...

 

Men and women have physical and emotional needs, when they are met, love can flourish without the obstacles of unfulfilled needs and resentment.

 

You cannot go into a marriage and feel that meeting your spouses needs is optional...

 

And as regards having children and the wife being too tired for sex...

 

Well, it means she should do less and take a break during the day, she knows that she will have an obligation later... simple. if she wont take a break, she is making a choice and putting her kids above her husband. To me, this is not acceptable.

 

How would she like if i chose some reason to neglect her needs?

 

"Oh im taking on extra work as a pet project tonight and every other night... i dont want to hear about your day when i get back or have sex because i'll be too tired... sorry"

 

Would she say... "oh well, i dont like talking or sex anyway???!!" Im sure she would bust a gut screaming at me!

 

I do my best to please, she can do the same.

 

I really dont see what is wrong in having expectations that both people know about before the marriage...

 

Sex? an obligation?

 

I agree that sex when the wife is uninterested is a bummer... but its better than not getting anything at all and being tempted outside... And she should try her best.

 

I have read that with women the desire for sex goes down like a ton of bricks, and for most men that is not the case... So what? I have to say its ok my needs go unmet? Some men may take that, not me.

 

Why? i would resent that and not want to do all the things for her I would do. This is compromise, that is compromising to fulfill your partners needs, NOT, compromise to NOT have your partners needs met.

 

I plan to love my wife with all my heart and show her everyday. I plan to be there for her and support her all I can. In me she will have a rock.

 

I have lots to give, but yes, I expect lots too.

[bab]

1) Women cant maintain and sustain themselves???

 

They can, but men can do it better from a personality perspective... I believe a woman has to masculinize herself a bit to compete in the rat-race... men I suppose are ratty enough already ... as in, I think men are better suited to that kind of stuff...

 

 

 

frankly, marrying a modern day woman with all her confused and brainwashed needs and ideas would do my head in. So i'll save my sanity and hers by never doing that.

 

 

 

Come on. Some men do it better than some women and some women do it better than some men. It's fine if you don't want your wife to work, but is it really neccessary to insult those of us who CHOOSE to work?? People have said they don't agree with you and that they aren't the wife for you, but they haven't called your potential wife "confused and brainwashed", I have expectations that you won't do the same thing to me. Let's get our nuggets out on the table, I won't insult your choice in how you live your life, and you don't insult mine. But you are right in one thing, a modern day woman is NOT FOR YOU.

[a4a]

I really dont see what is wrong in having expectations that both people know about before the marriage...

 

.

 

I agree with you 100%.

 

You are honest about your expectations just be sure that the woman you ask to marry you is honest and willing to fulfill them as well.

 

Many people think that they can change their partner once married......... big mistake!

 

Good luck to you.

 

Hell if you were looking for a wife that was to fulfill your expectations of helping you run an ant farm...... more power to you....... it really does not matter if your ideals match other peoples just as long as your wife agrees with them

 

BTW I think if your title read "My expectations of my future wife" instead of what it does read you would have been hit less hard.

 

Curious to why you bothered to post or look for advice here?.... seems like you are already quite sure that your thinking is correct. Was it a slight attempt to stir the feminazi pot?

[HokeyReligions]

 

And as regards having children and the wife being too tired for sex...

 

Well, it means she should do less and take a break during the day, she knows that she will have an obligation later... simple. if she wont take a break, she is making a choice and putting her kids above her husband. To me, this is not acceptable.

 

How would she like if i chose some reason to neglect her needs?

 

"Oh im taking on extra work as a pet project tonight and every other night... i dont want to hear about your day when i get back or have sex because i'll be too tired... sorry"

 

Would she say... "oh well, i dont like talking or sex anyway???!!" Im sure she would bust a gut screaming at me!

 

This is the part that I think you are going to have a difficult time with. Raising children is exhausting. The day you come home and the house smells like vomit because a child is sick and has been crying all day and your wife has spent the entire day caring for a sick cranky kid and is completely wrung out from it and you expect sex is the day you are going to have a huge fight.

 

The day you come home from an exhausting day at work, where you have been emotionally drained and she expects you to perform and you can't get it up is another day you are going to have a huge fight. Any loving partner will expect there to be days like those and will be supportive and not 'bust a gut screaming' but will lovingly care for their partner by doing what they can to ease the day's tensions and sometimes that will mean simply leaving the other person alone.

 

IMO children must come first in a family. They cannot care for themselves and they require their parents care and love and understanding; and parents can't always choose to 'take a break' from parenting obligations/responsibilities/'nuggets' - there is no way to consistently do that. Child-rearing is demanding and to not meet those demands as they happen is bad parenting and bad parenting has an adverse effect on the parents, as well as the children.

 

I do my best to please, she can do the same.

Doing one's best -yes of course, but expect there to be times when neither you, or your wife, will be able to meet your own expectations.

 

I really dont see what is wrong in having expectations that both people know about before the marriage...

Nothing wrong with that - as long as you know that not all expectations are going to be met all the time. If your job is to take out the trash, but you are sick and can't drag yourself out of bed to do it then shouldn't your wife do it for you? Or if her job is preparing dinner and she's too sick to drag herself out of bed, shouldn't you do it?

 

Sex? an obligation?

It can be. The key is to know and understand when it is one or when it is desired. Why should either of you be expected to perform for the other when circumstances of the day, or week, or month have led to an emotional state where one is simply not in an emotional or physical state for it? Do you allow for this?

 

I agree that sex when the wife is uninterested is a bummer... but its better than not getting anything at all and being tempted outside... And she should try her best.

Maybe you don't mean it this way, but why would you want your wife, whom you love and put first, to simply be a receptacle for your needs? If you truly love her and are devoted to her then there shouldn't be any outside temptation - you just accept that's she's not in the mood and take care of it yourself or wait until she is receptive.

 

I have read that with women the desire for sex goes down like a ton of bricks, and for most men that is not the case... So what? I have to say its ok my needs go unmet? Some men may take that, not me.

Everyone is different - generally speaking a woman's sex drive increases in her 30's while men reach their peak in their teens and 20's. A healthy sex life does not mean that sex occurrs X times a week no matter what - it means that both partners enjoy and want sex and that they know that missing a time or two doesn't mean that they are not having their needs met. A year or two without sex then yes, there is a problem, but its probably not a sexual problem - sex (or lack of sex) is a symptom of a larger issue in the relationship. A few months without sex - especially after having a baby - is actually pretty normal. That's the time to ask the grandparents to take the baby for a weekend so the parents can first get some sleep and then get to know each other again and share some adult time.

[Guest]

 

So... any opionions????

 

 

My opinion - you come across as an exceptionally selfish man. You only seem to be thinking of yourself, and what you think you deserve and want to get, but of no one else's feelings, including wife and kid.

 

Why would you be head of the house? Will you be in the house all time? Stocking it up? Cooking the food? raising the children? No, you plan on being out of the house all day but when you get back you're suddenly in charge? BS!

 

A marriage is a PARTNERSHIP - both man and woman are equal and if your wife has had too busy a day to put out for you then tough. Women aren't sex slaves nor are we stuck in the 1950's.

 

I agree that parents should put their relationship first and provide a united front when it comes to the kids. But what if one of the parents is a total loser? you then make a choice as to whom becomes your priority and just because you sit way up there on your high horse doesn't mean that others in different circumstances make the wrong choice by putting their children first.

 

It's good that you know yourself, but you seem far too controlling in my opinion, but then different horses for courses. I couldn't be married to a man who thought he was surperior to me for no good reason.

[slinkysu]

 

So... any opionions????

 

 

My opinion - you come across as an exceptionally selfish man. You only seem to be thinking of yourself, and what you think you deserve and want to get, but of no one else's feelings, including wife and kid.

 

Why would you be head of the house? Will you be in the house all time? Stocking it up? Cooking the food? raising the children? No, you plan on being out of the house all day but when you get back you're suddenly in charge? BS!

 

A marriage is a PARTNERSHIP - both man and woman are equal and if your wife has had too busy a day to put out for you then tough. Women aren't sex slaves nor are we stuck in the 1950's.

 

I agree that parents should put their relationship first and provide a united front when it comes to the kids. But what if one of the parents is a total loser? you then make a choice as to whom becomes your priority and just because you sit way up there on your high horse doesn't mean that others in different circumstances make the wrong choice by putting their children first.

 

It's good that you know yourself, but you seem far too controlling in my opinion, but then different horses for courses. I couldn't be married to a man who thought he was surperior to me for no good reason.

[Outcast]

How would she like if i chose some reason to neglect her needs?

 

Your assumption that people 'choose' to 'neglect' needs is the problem. You seem to have no idea of how truly exhausting work or taking care of kids can make you. And that's because, I assume, you are extremely young and have done neither. So you think you're invincible and will never be exhausted or stressed.

 

Work sucks the life out of you. So does taking care of all the stupid little things that need to be done to keep a home livable. I STRONGLY urge you to do both for several years before you marry anyone so that you fully understand what life is about.

 

Your expectations will change because they will be tempered by experience.

Fine to have expectations, but they must be REASONABLE and FAIR and expecting both people in a marriage to be superhuman, - never tired, stressed, or ill - is neither.

[Guest]

My comments:

 

 

Your marriage sounds like my worst nightmare. Good luck. Good riddance.

[Horse]

I think maybe Iamanisland is just a bit too much of an idealist.

 

If you agree with his ideas then you think it is noble that he is trying to live up to them. If you don't agree with his ideas, then you find it disturbing.

 

Fortunately, or unfortunately, all idealists have to face reality eventually (unless they go crazy).

 

Outside of reality it's simple. If the man does his part and the woman does her part, then couple will be in love and happy forever. If either chooses not to do their part, then love and happiness will not be possible and there is no reason to be married.

 

If it were that simple, I would be all for it (minus the obey part, I would rather persuade than command).

 

The real world is more complicated. It demands a bit more flexibility.

[Ladyjane14]

As soon as you start expecting things from your partner, you find disappointment and resentment really fast. Expectation implies you have a very specific idea of what you want and how you expect to receive it. I expect my husband to go to work every day. That is pretty cut and dry. But how can you have expectations on how someone loves you? So in this list, will it say, 'I expect you to show your love for me by doing this?' What if that isn't the wife's love language? Now your silly expectations have not been met, and for you this is grounds for divorce? Please.

 

Expectations also imply a need to control someone else's behavior. As we all know, you can only control yourself. You can give yourself to someone else, and hope they return that love, but to expect it? To me that is immature and selfish. I want to know my husband loves me because he loves me, not because he fears he won't get enough tally marks on my checksheet of love every day. Yes I have expectations about how we handle the finances, etc. But interpersonal relatioships? The day my husband said to me, 'well I did all the yardwork, there for I have expectations of sex tonight,' is the day we'd be in marriage counseling.

 

Maybe I'm just having a hard time making my words clear. I think you might be the only one on the thread who understands what I'm talking about, Pink.

 

What you're referring to as your minimal "expectations" in the post above... things like going to work and showing responsibility in the finances.... are the same as what I call my 'personal boundaries'. These are the bare bones of what I need from my partner in order to be willing to remain in the marriage, ENs that fall under the catagory of 'deal-breakers'. Like you, I take a minimalist approach to this list. I need fidelity and fiscal responsibility from my husband, or I can't be his wife anymore.

 

I understand what Trimmer is saying with his post about "nuggets", but in my own experience, I've had to separate all these words out. Call it semantics... but I believe that some words belong in the Giver catagory, and some belong in the Taker catagory. I've put the word "expectations" in the Taker catagory... because of it's ability to evolve into something destructive. It's too easy to take a leap from, "I expect you to be faithful" to "I expect you to mow the lawn". It's too easy to lay there like a sponge waiting to have your needs met, rather than proactively involving yourself in getting them met. "Drop the leash and grab the wheel", right?

 

I can't advocate one person trying to control another. I've dropped any behavior that even appears to be controlling. And I don't accept less from my spouse. In that manner, I appreciate the things he does for me, and I've found that he appreciates all the little things that I do for him better too. A person who feels 'controlled' become resentful. Resentment blocks Love.

 

So, if he mows the lawn.... great, he's my hero. If he doesn't, that's fine too. I'm not going to get my panties in a bunch over it. The grass will grow until I make other arrangements. And you know what? ....I've NEVER had to make other arrangements.

He's a grown man. He can see that the grass needs cutting, and he WANTS to please me. He knows that I'm going to show my appreciation, even if it's just bringing him a cold drink and dropping a nice compliment on him.

 

By the same token, I cook the dinner meal every night. One might argue that he "expects" me to do that. But that attitude takes all of the choice out of it for me. I choose to make the meal, and it pleases me that no matter if the food is great or if it's not... my husband still expresses his appreciation for my efforts. I'm in "giver" mode. He's not TAKING my choice from me and TAKING the food I make, so much as he is receiving the gift that's offered to him. Making food for him fulfills one of his important ENs in the fact that he identifies it as a love offering. It's not a boundary or a deal-breaker for him, but it's still an affirmation of his importance in my life. I use this insider information to show my love in an active way.

 

As I identify and meet my husband's ENs, I provoke a reciprocal response, true. He's pleased, so he wants to please me in return. But the only person I'm "controlling" is ME. I'm not telling him what to do. I'm not waiting around for him to fulfill my desires. He's reacting in a natural way. He's feeling respected and loved, he's not feeling resentful at any perceived controls.... so he's completely free to be the great guy that he genuinely is.

 

I agree with all the posters who have expressed the importance of 'like' meeting 'like'. Two people who plan to marry should have common goals and interests. And I agree that working out some of the details in advance, things like having children or not, are a good basis for discovery in finding commonality. But.... people change. They grow and evolve. A working knowledge of the other person's 'minimalist expectations', or 'personal boundaries', or 'deal-breakers' is essential, true. Call those what you will. The bottom line is that your partner can't stay married to you if these things are disrespected. But to mandate sexual expression within the marriage, or to limit personal growth and change.... nope, it's not going to go the distance. What's okay today, might not be okay tomorrow.

 

I agree that sex when the wife is uninterested is a bummer... but its better than not getting anything at all and being tempted outside... And she should try her best.

 

The OP has said that he's a virgin. So, I don't really believe he can have a working knowledge of what it means to a man to have a willing and passionate partner. I think some of the guys here who have experienced the 'mercy f*ck' a few times too often, have done a pretty good job of expressing how detrimental it is to a man's self-esteem.

 

The difference between "obligation" or "expectation" and receiving passion as a natural "gift" is fairly obvious to guys who are only getting obligatory sex. Passionate sex reassures him of his woman's love and admiration. Dutiful sex makes him question his validity as a beloved partner, rather than just a handy paycheck.

[ConfusedGal]

OK...So firstly I almost think this poster has posted a fluke message just to rile people up. If not, Mr. Poster, I'd like to take you up on the "man is better suited for being a provider.." Ummm...Do you realize that the number of women in medical and law schools outweigh the number of men? And these are two of the highest paying professions?? I am a woman, and am more educated and more capable than most men. I am attorney. I AM married. I make more $$ than or at least equal to my husband. He has no issues with this. In fact he respects it.

 

So for you to generalize about gender roles in this day and age is very silly. Time changes and so do people, roles etc. I don't know how old you are, but I do not think you should be criticizing an entire generation of "modern" thinkers.

 

If you wished to stick to old ideals, there would still be a million women married to physically and mentally abusive men because society would not accept divorced women. That is CRAP. I am not saying ALL old ideals are bad. I do agree that younger people (including myself at times) don't take marriage as seriously as they should, as something that SHOULD be life long... But men and women in this day are equals in the workplace and out...

 

Anyways, good luck to you finding someone who matches your ideals, and a modern thinking woman is definitely NOT for you.

 

PS. We dont want to be "MAINTAINED AND KEPT." If you are looking for that, get a plant. They want to be maintained and kept. At least that's what I am told by my rose bush.

[Pink_Tulip]

I don't know LJ, maybe b/c we both have been through similar experiences in our marriages where we have seen first hand how expectations so easily lead to disappointment and resentment.

 

For me, my marriage isn't about expectations, its about choice, and constant renegotiation. I understand talking about expectations upfront is important, but with the understanding that things change and people must be flexible. I am a totally different person now than I was when I met my husband at 18. If we were both as rigid as the OP, we'd have divorced a long time ago. I don't expect my H to do anything. He does what he wants, and I have the choice to discuss things with him if they bother me, and I have the choice to stay in the marriage. That doesn't sound as good in words as it does in my head, but you get the idea.

 

To the OP. I come from (and left as soon as I could) a fundamentalist Christian background. I have seen many, many couples living a very similar life to the one you describe. And admitedly, if you can find a woman with similar values, you can be very happy, assuming you are flexible and understaning. No woman can possible know what she will want for the rest of her life in her 20's. She may totally agree with everything you stated, but she has the right to change her mind after she has grown and matured a bit. And if you don't allow her freedom to grow, it will become a miserable marriage indeed.

 

A good friend of mine is in such a marriage. He is the 'man,' and she knows her place. She married him at 19, thinking she knew exactly what she wanted for the rest of her life. Then she grew up. She asked him for counseling, he told her everything was her problem. So now she goes out of her way to make his life miserable, and he hers. It is painful to watch. And honestly, it is laughable to me that you say you would just divorce under these circumstances. They have four kids and own a home together. She has never worked. She can't afford to leave, has no skills to get a job if she did, and he can't afford for her to leave, as the amount of alimony and child support would be too much. LOL! If it was so easy to leave when things stopped going your way, this website wouldn't even exist!

 

The most important element in marriage, IMO, is compromise. If you say you will not compromise, then don't get married. Just find a partner and maintain a relationship until it no longer suits you. And as everyone has said, please, go TODAY, and get a vasectomy. Kids need more flexibility and understanding than anyone.

[Mz. Pixie]

I actually kind of understand what the OP is trying to say in ways. Biblically he's called to be the head of the house and the wife is called to submit. It's not a rigid submission but one done with love- and it's not him RULING over her. He is called to love her as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. That's a pretty big objective in itself.

 

I think it's great that you're upfront about it and that everyone has their cards on the table- but things sometimes change. Just be aware that things are different when you are older than younger.

 

I also can understand what the OP Is saying about the spouse coming first. I've read that before in marriage books. I do believe at times it's impossible to do that- but I also believe that its a good example to set for your children to let them see that you have a loving marriage and that you put your spouse first.

 

I'm not touching the kids comment. I can't imagine just having kids to give them as a "gift" to my spouse and not because I wanted them.

[Trimmer]

Yes to Mz Pixie and LJ, and Pink_Tulip. While I "support" the OP in his right to go out and seek someone who would be a good match for him, I add my "expectation" that he will make his obligations and expectations just as clear as they are rigid. I also believe that marriage requires "adaptability," and I fear that I don't see a lot of that in his outlook. Things change, issues change, priorities change, people change, and this may seem frightful, and you may want to control the future with obligations and expectation and contracts, but just be aware that you won't be able to map the whole journey out rigidly in advance. I still think getting the (oh, forgive me...) "nuggets" out on the table is important, but I think that process also needs to continue throughout the marriage, as I agree that marriage is flux, and marriage is change.

 

And I know I'm sounding like a one-note singer here, but my kids will need their snotty faces wiped, and I am glad to be the one who's there to help them. Comes with the territory called "father."