Author iamanisland Posted June 23, 2006 Author Share Posted June 23, 2006 I think I have an idea of what peoples opinion on marriage is here and on obligation/expectations in marriage... So you guy feel free to to chat away amongst yourselves... I wont be checking back regularily... fyi... I think the best advice was to make absolutely sure that my wife to be knows EXACTLY what i'm talking about on this issue... no beating about the bush... So thanks and peace! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 I hate feminists probably more than any other guy here but guys like you give them more ammunition. I would not expect my fiance to give up her own life because I damn sure wouldn't and I believe you should never ask anything of your spouse you are not willing to do yourself. A person's role in society should not be determined by what gender they are and I love that the woman in my life is intelligent and can take care of herself. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Good for your uncle... although, you did not prove he was stupid, only that in his intelligence he lacked the slack jawed social ettiquet of his intellectual inferiors... Being cool and stupid versus uncool and intelligent... the second sounds better to me. If you were half as smart as you think you are you would have noticed that you didn't spell "ettiquet" correctly. I was actually saying that even though he's intelligent that he lacks social skills which help him deal in life- such as the ability to actually have a relationship with someone. I can see how intelligence on that level- as well as on your level- can help one form the opinion that everything is so black and white. By the way- there were several episodes of Dr. Phil where the engineer husband was getting bashed by the audience and Dr. Phil because he was so inflexible that he graded his wife's meals by A, B, C or D. Neither of them were happy in the marriage. Wonder why?? She could never live up to his standards and his standards were laughably ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink_Tulip Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 See???? TROLL! Seriously. Excellent one, though. Ya, I was a believer until all this recent nonsense. Oh well, maybe someone, somewhere got something out of this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
genegri Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 I got a real good laugh out of this thread, that's for sure Link to post Share on other sites
Alexandra Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Neah Catgirl, I still vote for "genuine". He means it. And I did endorse his right to have that view. I still do despite not liking much of what he says. However, he says he took the essential advice many here gave him, that of making it darn clear to her. Which is all that matters afterall. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 fyi... I think the best advice was to make absolutely sure that my wife to be knows EXACTLY what i'm talking about on this issue... no beating about the bush... And if you find that woman, and live happily ever after, I will be happy for you. I'd love to hear how you're doing in 10 or 20 years. Good luck. Do also give some serious thought to the kids issue, though. It's perfectly OK not to have them if you aren't really dedicated and committed to the idea - you can have a good and fulfilling life without. Make sure this is also a clear part of your pre-marriage discussion with your prospective wife. If it turns out to be a point of disagreement later, it can develop into a BIG one. Trimmer- I wasn't disagreeing with you!! Oh, no, I didn't take it that way for an instant... I just meant that I knew I was repeating myself, but still couldn't resist saying it again. Not that I have any monopoly on the topic of children and their development, but it is a subject near to my heart... ____________________________________________________________ Did you know that in the boating world, if you have what is considered a "yacht", you never refer to your own vessel by that word? Even with a 120' luxury vessel, a humble skipper still refers to it as his or her "boat". It's perfectly fine and respectful to call other people's vessels "yachts", but it's a little embarrassing to call attention to yourself that way, and it kind of makes you look like an outsider to the very circle you are trying to be seen as a part of. I kind of consider intelligence to be the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 To those Men who say: "My wife will obey me. It's in the bible." Ok, so they get that right, but let's go over the WHOLE thing: 22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. So in a nutshell, Sure wives obey husbands, but HUSBANDS: TREAT YOUR WIVES LIKE YOU WOULD TREAT YOUR OWN BODY. So ..... Back into the fray y'all Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 Well im not finished yet... also, I study varios issues in my own time, from the sciences to languages to philosphy You kind of missed 'spelling' and 'grammar'. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 You kind of missed 'spelling' and 'grammar'. :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 I was taught to expect that the woman would wash clothes, clean the bathrooms, scrub the kitchen floor, clean the windows, vacuum, mow the lawn, weed as needed, run errands, have children, shop, cook meals, pay bills, take care of correspondence, take care of me when I'm sick, give good sex, etc. I was also taught that if I was really lucky, she would take dictation and otherwise help me at the office as well. I really don't think asking these things is too much. I'll edit this post if I can think of anything else. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 You missed the following: arrange vacations, make the social plans, buy you clothes. Link to post Share on other sites
Alexandra Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 I was taught to expect that the woman would wash clothes, clean the bathrooms, scrub the kitchen floor, clean the windows, vacuum, mow the lawn, weed as needed, run errands, have children, shop, cook meals, pay bills, take care of correspondence, take care of me when I'm sick, give good sex, etc. I was also taught that if I was really lucky, she would take dictation and otherwise help me at the office as well. I really don't think asking these things is too much. I'll edit this post if I can think of anything else. Thank God your expectations stop at having the children. That does mean all the child rearing is one of the exectations she can have of you, yes? Also, you may like to see a professional about your compulsion to include "etc" right after "good sex". Oh and you can no longer edit it. Oopsy:o Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 You missed the following: arrange vacations, make the social plans, buy you clothes. Yes, yes. You are quite right....those go right up there on my list....along with child rearing. Oh, I would participate in some of that between my trips to the massage parlor, golf course, bowling alley, corner bar, race track, etc. You are way too good!!! Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedGal Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 Lol. This is a funny thread! And again, I still think this is a fluke post. But for argument sake if it's not, the reason I was "throwing" my education at you was because you were underestimating a woman's place in the workplace and stating that she cannot compete in this day and age...Hon, we dont "compete." We only compete with people at least as capable as ourselves, and that is not you by any means. Masters in Engineering?? OK, here goes my friend. I have a double BS in Biomedical and Mechanical Engineering, an MS, AND a JD. Anyways, I will stop now. I dont want to have a battle of wits with you. I dont have time to fight with unarmed people. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink_Tulip Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 Since the OP seemed to contradict himself at the end, I kinda think it is a troll. But I have a neighbor very much like this guy. The whole, 'I am the MAN' deal. It is his marriage I referenced where he and his wife live only to make eachother miserable. He is a total pig, thinks the only reason we have abortion is b/c women are whores who can't keep their legs closed, etc. And he brags about how smart he is when he doesn't know s*** about anything. And yes, he is raising daughters. Nice. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 For you people who quote the bible... the bible is a bunch of xxxp. It was written by HUMANS, centuries ago. Whatever message God intended has been seriously distorted over time....and by corrupt organizations, like the Xxxxxx church. No human is meant to obey another human. We are intended to have free will, as God ordained. Link to post Share on other sites
ladyinwaiting Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 I have no idea is this poster is a troll or not, but oddly enough, I have a friend who chose the traditional vows and promised to "obey" her husband. Just about everyone attending the wedding gasped. But she's a strongly religious woman, and believe very much that the bible makes the man the head of the household. She lives the vow, too. Despite being better education than her husband, better with money, and an equal earner, she lets him make all the decisions - everything from whether they buy a dishwasher to what school the kids are going to and whether she can return to work. He's a nice enough bloke, so her does consult her, and usually goes with what she wants, but there have been numerous times when she's lived with dissappointment where I'd just tell my fiance to get stuffed or do it anyway. Her view is that men need to be in control, and her marriage and children are more important to her than her ego. I waiver between being amused and offended, but ultimately I guess that acting like that is her right, even if most of the rest of us think she's totally crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
sugarplum Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 To those Men who say: "My wife will obey me. It's in the bible." Ok, so they get that right, but let's go over the WHOLE thing: 22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. In the early languages used, the word "submit" literally translated meant "to place yourself under the protection of" - not the way we view the word submit today. Link to post Share on other sites
Brianschick Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 Do yourself and your wife a favor and just forget the whole children part of marriage. I dont' agree with your views on marriage BUT I certainly respect the fact that you are thinking it through and are talking OPENLY to your future wife about this. My honest opinion is you should probably get one of those mail order brides...I'm not joking either. I only say that b/c the woman you describe probably does not exisist in America. Unless of course she JUST came to America. A good majority of American women will not put up with your list of expectations. In any case, good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Brianschick Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 oK, HOLD UP!, I posted my previous reply BEFORE I read all of the replys from this guy. He might have a high IQ but I bet he is a social mess!!. He might be a wonderful bread winner and make mad money one day (or even now) but he probably will suck in bed. God bless the poor soul that marries this egomaniac!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :( Link to post Share on other sites
lostinyouth Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 I don't think you are being realistic. A marriage should be based on mutual respect. As far as sex being so important to you, think about what you said... One thing that is totally doing my head in is the realisation that women use children as the excuse of all excuses to neglect their duties to their husbands. No sex, I'm tired from being a slave to the children all day. Sorry I have no time for you, I'm busy with the kids. etc etc etc... You don't stick a turkey in the oven without basting it first. Same applies to sex. If you meet her needs, not just what your obligated to... She will be more then willing to entertain your lusty desires. Sometimes though you will sacrifice in bed for your wife... If she is sick are you still going to demand sex? Shouldn't you respect her a little more then that? Talking about your expectations before marriage is, apparently, the key for you to have any sucess in a life long commitment. Link to post Share on other sites
lil_angel Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 well gee, kids are just horrible little critters putting a dent in your sex life, arent they? i mean, god forbid you actualy APPECIATE them. why are they a priority? because they need to be! if your seven year old is puking in the middle of the night w/ the stomach flu what are you gonna say, "oh well, go clean it yourself, i want to have sex with mommy"?? Link to post Share on other sites
Horse Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 You don't stick a turkey in the oven without basting it first. Same applies to sex. If you meet her needs, not just what your obligated to... She will be more then willing to entertain your lusty desires. Man... I wish that was true. There is an old joke that an old man told me when I got engaged. Put a penny in a jar for every time you have sex in the first year of your marriage. Take a penny out of that jar every time you have sex after that. If you do this, the jar will never be empty. I wish that wasn't true. Personally... I think it is a good idea to negotiate frequency of sex in the beginning of the relationship, and to have some minimum that is considered unacceptable. That way you at least have a line to draw in the sand. I think it is dumb to be unrealistic or inflexible. I mean you should account for sickness, pregnancy, bad moods etc., but there should be a limit to what you are willing to accept, and your partner should know what it is. There are people on this site who have gone years without having sex with their spouse. I think if they had a line in the sand, it would be easier for them to leave or demand change once the line is crossed. Otherwise it seems like they get into that whole how long is too long debate and eventually cheat or just get used to being miserable. To me it's not just about sex. It's about both people expressing love and intimacy in a way that the other can appreciate. But... they are tied together. When sex is missing, it usually seems like all of the other forms of intimacy and affection go out the window too. When that happens, what is the point in continuing the relationship? (besides to raise children) Link to post Share on other sites
SpoiledBrattyCakes Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 "Whatever, I wouldnt waste my time with a woman like you, there can only be one man in the house. Me." Is it me or is he having a mid-post crisis? I can just picture him laying on the floor, pulling his hair, screaming at the top of his lungs "ITS MY WAY OR NO WAY!", kicking his feet, and has drool and snot hanging from his face.... I dunno..but if he gives up this easily, just imagine how psychotic he will be if his future wife decides to one day mess with em and tell him "NO." Link to post Share on other sites
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