am i being jealous? or overbearing?

[sportbikerider]

Ok, long story kinda short. This past January, i met this woman that i fell for really hard. Mind you im 34, ive been married before, and i have 2 children that live with their mother. Now, when it started out, it was great. We hung out all the time, we did things, she would drive to see me when she had free time. She does have a child at home, and she does it all by herself.

 

I find myself expecting her to at least call me or communicate with me every day. I have never been like this, that i remember with someone. It almost seems like i'm pushing her away by wanting her to communicate with me. One of the underlying issues is her ex. He still calls her, i have even found receipts with his name on it in her house, in the trash, from the previous day. I ask if she has seen him and she says yeah, but it was to get his stuff out of her storage center. But his receipt is sitting on the top of the trash the following day. With stuff on the receipt, in her fridge. So i ask her about it, and she says she asked him to pick it up for her. I find that hard to believe. She hasn't been completely honest about him alot. And when i really question her, she gives in. She has said that there isnt anything going on, but how do i know??? We live 100 miles away from each other, but her ex lives somewhat close. I know i'm being insecure about it, but it still plays in my mind. I don't get why she needs to be involved with him at all, on any level. Her son isn't with him. They have been on and off for over 6 years. I think it plays in my mind more than i really know. If she doesnt call me or communicate with me, or if i'm on the phone with her, and she has to hang up so hurried all the time, what am i supposed to think???? She keeps telling me she needs her space and cant have my head up her butt all the time.

 

So am i being unreasonable expecting her to communicate with me??? Am i asking for too much to leave the ex alone and quit playing games with him??? I understand that she has a busy life, But when i dont see her for 2 weeks straight, i get a little confused. I call her at times, i cant get ahold of her. Sometimes it takes 2 hours or more to even get a call back from her. But if i'm on the phone with her, she takes other calls, just not mine if i call. I'm really confused, and i dont know what to think. I think that there is something going on with someone else. Which i why i dont necessarily believe her all the time. She says no, but i get that feeling. We had an awesome sex life like 3 months ago, but it has pretty much disappeared now. Her reason is that she needs to take a step back, and we started out to fast. I understand that, and i do agree. But i feel like she is pulling back WAY to far. She tells me that i need my own life, and to let her want to be with me???? She makes me feel like im smothering her, but i havent even seen her in over 10 days. All i want is a little communication, and not her talking to me for 30 secs and her saying she has to go.

 

She has also told me that im acting like a girl, and she cant be responsible for either making or wrecking my day. I tried to tell her im scared of losing her and instead of her trying to make me feel better, she says then she will go away. I'm supposed to go on a weeks vacation with her next week, and i dont know how to handle all this. I'm at my wits end. Any ideas on how to do this??? i really want to change, i really do want to trust her, but some of the things i see, tell me otherwise. Any ideas, is it really all me like she claims??? Or do i have reasons to not completely trust her???? Please be honest me. I really need to hear it.

[scrybe74]

I think you're right on both accounts:

 

You are smothering her - You don't need anyone's advise. She told you plain as day. She wants to want you. You can't MAKE her want you or MAKE her commit to you. You really need to back off and look at this relationship in a more friendly casual way. You should probably find something to occupy your time with our suggest that you both be allowed to date other people until you're both ready for a real committment. It's really hard to have a long distance relationship so it takes trust and I don't think it's there yet.

 

Go with your instincts - She may or may not be telling you the truth. She may or may not be fooling with her ex. I got involved with a girl briefly who had the same deal. The her ex was a total loser but she just couldn't completely let go of him. They had a kid together and (unlike you) I figured out real fast that she wasn't ready for anything real and I wasn't willing to share her bed with someone else so I moved on. You don't have proof of anything but if it's causing you this much anxiety is it really worth it then? The fact that you have the need to try and control her and the situation is a red flag for you. You'r not happy and you deserve to be. Perhaps you should think about finding someone else before you get seriously hurt.

[Buttaflyy]

It sounds as if you like her more than she does you. You want more than she does concerning a relationship. She is telling you this so you should take heed. You don't trust her, and maybe you two are not the right match for one another. Doesn't sound like she wants to be with you. Sorry:( . I can tell you like her alot. She also sounds a bit insensitive to the fact. I think that you probably don't have a real chance at something good with her.