Now ive got confidence no one likes me!

[Toni_no12002]

Well a while ago i used to be so shy i would always do what everyone else wanted.Id never dare say no.Now i have some more confidence and went to a counsellor about saying no to people more and people dont like me as much.If i dont want to do something say with a friend because ive got something else planned they get annoyed with me.Now dont get me wrong if its really important id say yes and help them out but if its not i say im doing something else.

 

Also i used to do everything with my mum.She would ask me to go places with her all the time and i would.I moved out a yr ago and up until recently i would still go everywhere with her.Then i turned round and said why my sister couldnt go.She called me a bitch.Even my friends think im a cow because for a change i wont be walked on anymore!

 

What should i do go back to being a walkover ,my friends and family are happy and me be miserable or stay this way my friends and family dont like me and me be miserable also.I dont get what im doing so wrong.I am always there if my friends need me and i see them but ive learned to say no more.What do they want from me?It making me miserable!

 

Pls help

[Alexandra]

Well it does depend, doesn't it? I for one am more than proud of being called "a bitch" when that's shorthand for "you are having your best interest at heart and aren't being enough of a pushover for me to have my way with you".

 

Now, are you out of counseling already? As in while you still seem to have things to work out such as the effects of the attitude changes therapy instilled in you? If not then you need to discuss these feelings with your counselor, if you are out already then I'd dare say it may have been before it was "wrapped up". It's akin to sending someone who came see me to stop suffering from insomnia out the door and tell them to go sleep after they slept for their first night or telling a former smoker they're all ready to face the Marlboro world after a week of no fags

[Pink Amulet]

It probably doesn't help that you live in a place called grimsby

 

But in all seriousness, take your new confident self, and find some new friends. As for your mum, she will come around.

[dgiirl]

I agree. Time to find some new friends. Perhaps the only reason your current friends became friends with you is because you were not assertive. Now when you start wanting to do your own thing, they dont like it. Find some new friends. Also, there is a difference between being assertive and aggressive. It might be possible that you mixed these two and are aggressive and people dont like that. If you are assertive tho, and ppl dont like it, well forget them

[Outcast]

It could have to do with how you say your 'no's. Some people think that having confidence equates to being rude and abrupt.

[slinkysu]

It probably doesn't help that you live in a place called grimsby

 

But in all seriousness, take your new confident self, and find some new friends. As for your mum, she will come around.

 

I agree - living in Grimsby certainly can't help......

 

Some people just find it hard when they don't get their way. If people are used to relying on you for every last thing then to them you are being difficult, and 'not yourself'. but if being walked all over makes you unhappy then it is good that you are changing yourself. you are the only one who can change yourself and that is the only power you have to work towards the life you want to have. your friends are probably a little put out and jealous that you are taking action with your life and bettering yourself.

 

Your mum is probably being the same - problem is people get too reliant on things and don't like change.

 

If you're mates continue to not appreciate the new, stronger you, then start looking to other groups of people and finding new friends who support you in what you want to do and who make you feel better about yourself.

 

It could very well be that with this self-discovery you have simply outgrown your mates and it's time for you to move onwards and upwards and find other like-minded, positive people. It happens all through life, outgrowing friends, and it isn't a bad thing when people's paths go in different directions, so you don't need to stew on it too much. Just focus on being positive, filling your life with things you want to do and being a good person. If you can put your hand on your heart and know that what you do is for the best, for you and for others, then that's cool. You can't please everyone all of the time but liking yourself is the most important thing - so working on yourself can only be a positive.

 

good luck!

 

[Toni_no12002]

When i say no i dont exactly say "NO" i just say sorry but i said id meet so and so.Its not fair to just dump someone because someone else wants to go somewhere.

 

Im not and never will be a nasty person at heart it just annoys me that people cant be happy for me now i have some more confidence in myself.Since ive been more confident people seem to want to talk to me more.I dont think ive changed for the worst.But my friends wont say anything to my face they will say it to other people which annoys me.I dont like upsetting people but surely what i want must sometimes matter!

If im there to please everyone else i wont get anything out of it.

 

Lol yer i suppose it doesnt help living in grimsby