need too

[Guest]

Okay I don't even know where to start with this. For about a year or more things have been pretty bad here. I found out my husband was taking drugs and was lying and stealing from me. Ater trying to work pass all of that he did it again. Once I thought all was good with him it wasn't again. I told him that I need him and feel very alone. I need the love that we once had together. I ended up leaving him for a week a few months back. We have 2 kids together so it was very hard on the kids. He told me he will never lie to me again about the drugs and he will work on everything.

After coming home I started to have feelings for this guy at my work (younger then me and has a gf) The other guy is funny and very much everythink I was lacking in my marriage. He will call me and ask me to come over. I always go because I love the way I feel when I am there with him. (NOTHING HAS ever happen nothing at all no kiss or anything)I started to feel bad for my husband so I told him again how alone I feel. (once he is home from work we don't see or talk to each other) Then found out he is on drugs again:(. SO I just keep talking to my new friend. He knows about my husband. My husband has meet him and thinks that he wants me more then just a friend.

Now out of no where my husband has this new friend ( i don't know) and will be gone till 3:00 in the morning or doesn't come home. I really don't know what to think. I think the new friend my be the drug friend but maybe not. I don't think he would cheat on me but who knows. I think I am looking for him to cheat so I can.

 

I always tell him how I am feeling and that if he won't show me the love I need and want I will look as where, he doens't seem to care. Now he will give me money to go shopping or whatever and thinks I should be happy with that. He thinks the money will be my lover so he doesn;t have too.

My thing is I really am thinking more and more to make a move on my friend at work

 

sorry so long and still not everything is here for you to know it all.

[plainoldjared]

Okay I don't even know where to start with this. For about a year or more things have been pretty bad here. I found out my husband was taking drugs and was lying and stealing from me. Ater trying to work pass all of that he did it again. Once I thought all was good with him it wasn't again. I told him that I need him and feel very alone. I need the love that we once had together. I ended up leaving him for a week a few months back. We have 2 kids together so it was very hard on the kids. He told me he will never lie to me again about the drugs and he will work on everything.

After coming home I started to have feelings for this guy at my work (younger then me and has a gf) The other guy is funny and very much everythink I was lacking in my marriage. He will call me and ask me to come over. I always go because I love the way I feel when I am there with him. (NOTHING HAS ever happen nothing at all no kiss or anything)I started to feel bad for my husband so I told him again how alone I feel. (once he is home from work we don't see or talk to each other) Then found out he is on drugs again:(. SO I just keep talking to my new friend. He knows about my husband. My husband has meet him and thinks that he wants me more then just a friend.

Now out of no where my husband has this new friend ( i don't know) and will be gone till 3:00 in the morning or doesn't come home. I really don't know what to think. I think the new friend my be the drug friend but maybe not. I don't think he would cheat on me but who knows. I think I am looking for him to cheat so I can.

 

I always tell him how I am feeling and that if he won't show me the love I need and want I will look as where, he doens't seem to care. Now he will give me money to go shopping or whatever and thinks I should be happy with that. He thinks the money will be my lover so he doesn;t have too.

My thing is I really am thinking more and more to make a move on my friend at work

 

sorry so long and still not everything is here for you to know it all.

 

Hello Guest,

 

Reading your post made me feel lonely myself. The thing you have to keep in mind (and I know this because my ex gf's mom is a recovering addict) he will always be an addict whether he stops or not. There is something seriously wrong inside your H thats making him abuse himself and sabotage his life. This is not your fault. All you can do is be there for him offer your help/counsel and do everything you can to let him know he can come to you, make him feel comfortable. Its impossible to know what your everyday life is like with your H, only you and he know that however, from what youve written it sounds like youve tried everything you possibly can to let your husband know you need him and want him to take responsible healthy control of his life but for some reason he just cant. I dont really know about marriage counselors (im 23 never been married) but in my opinion you need to seperate your life from your husband for longer than a week. He needs to understand that there are consequences to putting such a dirty habit before his wife kids and life. I wouldnt make a move on your friend for the simple fact that he is in a relationship himself and you dont need to add that kind of conflict to your already conflicted life. Keep talking to him, talk to more people. It really helps, really its the only thing thats helped me understand whats been goin on in my life. Writing things down too.

 

Anyhow I hope this has helped you somehow... take care of yourself and be strong for your babies they need to have your example. They especially need to understand that this type of behaviour is unacceptable.

[AManWithTroubles]

Stop with the friendship. There's time for relationships afterwards, if this doesn't work with your husband. If he is on drugs, he needs to stop, now. "There's a place and a time for that, and it's called college." I hope you mean he's either doing hard drugs, or abusing not so hard drugs, because I wouldn't call someone who tokes a couple times a week a drug user, but that's just me. However, if he's using it daily, or hourly, yeah, that's a problem.

 

Anways, if you love him, and want him to stop, then try and get him help. Be there for him, and maybe give him an ultimatum, you or the drugs. Get some professional help, because drug addictions are not fun at all. The user is confused, and is living in a different world, and has only one objective in life... to reach that high.

 

So, be stern, yet caring. If you leave him in a state like this, he may never come back, or it may be his wake up call. It's tough to say. But I say get some help for him, it really is a hard place to be in.

 

Then, if you try to get help, and he doesn't comply, get out. Leave him, he's obviously gone. Or if you have already gone through all of this, leave him. Then wait a while, get your own head straight, before you start looking for "love" again. You need to make sure you love yourself, and using another person for security isn't really the answer. Be secure with yourself, then pursue other relationships. I just wouldn't recommend cheating, just because you're upset with your husband.

[sugarplum]

I agree with the above. Don't cheat. It will help nothing, and could cause even more problems. Be the stronger one, the one to show true committment to your marriage. Show your kids what is the right way to go. Cheating will only put you down on the same level your husband is on.

[sugarplum]

I reply only because I have been there. My first husband used drugs. I tried to get him to stop many times. He stole my jewelry and even my engagement ring to sell to buy drugs. Sometimes a person literally needs to hit bottom in order to decide to help themselves. Dont put it all on yourself. Be there if he needs help, but he is a big boy and can make his own decisions. He needs to own up to them too. The final straw for me was when I was in my baby's room admiring her I noticed the lamp looked funny. Upon investigation I found cocaine hidden inside the base. He hid drugs in his childs room! What if she got into it? It just shows how desperate people on drugs can be. In the mean time - document. I am not saying you should divorce him or not. But you need to protect yourself. If it comes to that, you may need proof of his using. Good luck!