8 signs you are in the Friendzone

[crazy_grl]

I can't personally be friends with men who have informed me of a sexual interest. I wouldn't want to be friends with a man who I wanted to date. It would make it uncomfortable for me. I like to relax around my friends, not wonder if I kiss them on the cheek will they take it as a sign? I let my male friends know where they stand by the fact that I was in a relationship... I guess the situation may change now?

 

If a girl's in a relationship, that's a whole different story. It would be slimey to ask her out or say he's interested. If a girl's taken, the guy should assume that she's not into him and decide whether or not he can let go of his attraction and be her friend.

 

My main point is that there's never going to be any chance of a fulfilling friendship if one party is pining after the other.

 

If we're talking about a single girl here, chances are that the guy who says nothing will let his feelings grow and take little things like hugs as a sign you may be interested. The guy who comes out and says how he feels will probably stop thinking about you sexually and move on to someone else.

[Mary3]

I believe in waiting for the woman to initiate the first kiss or first touch and even if & when she does the man should pull away. Don't be so quick to jump on the opportunity to kiss her. Let her make the first move and you pull away.

 

Make her wonder whether or not you are interested. Why should I give her the luxury of knowing without a doubt that I'm interested when I'm having my doubts?

 

I like it when a man pulls me close to him in a confidant way and kisses me until I am breathless !

 

Having an assertive man take charge is hot

 

Now your idea of creating doubt as to whether you are interested......what in the world for ??

[Fun2BMe]

Top 9: Signs You're A Friend not a Boyfriend

Number 1

 

She asks for favors

Is she regularly asking far more of you than your time and attention? Maybe first she wants to borrow your DVD collection. Then she wants to borrow your truck to move. Have you help her fix something ? Next she wants you to help her move. Yikes !

An interested lady will never ask you for favors or for you to perform lame tasks on her behalf. She'll be focused on one thing only, and that's winning your heart. Furthermore, doing favors for a girl in the hopes that she'll fall for you does not make you a nice guy. It makes you a sucker.

I ask men I'm interested in for favors. I will ask them to come inside and move something heavy, or pick up something for me or run an errand and so on. Sometimes I ask on purpose because I think they will feel flattered that I have asked them to do something for me and it makes them feel good. It also tests them. If they are not eager or ok to do it, then I might not find them to be boyfriend material. Sometimes I ask for favors for practical reasons, I just need the help. It doesn't mean I see them as a friend only.

 

Number 2

 

She doesn't touch you

It's well known that an interested woman will brush her fingers against your arm, tickle you or lightly smack you. If none of this playful touching is taking place, it's because she wants to keep her distance.

I'm not a touchy person. Even if I am extremely interested in a guy, unless we are dating I won't brush up against him or touch his arm and do touchy stuff. I'll keep the flirting on a verbal level.

 

 

Number 3

 

She gushes over other men.

Isn't this an obvious sign?

She may talk lovingly of an ex-boyfriend or discuss another guy's attractive qualities.

I tend to do this and am practicing not to as it has lead many guys getting upset. It took me a while to realize it's wrong since I wouldn't like it if he gushes on other girls, but I tend to say "so and so has a hot body" or "looks good" and usually I don't notice it's wrong until they point it out. I guess it's a habbit to comment on men but it doesn't mean I think the guy I am with is only friend material. It also tests on their security with themselves to not let it get to them.

 

Number 4

 

She's not on her toes around you. A woman who is trying to make an impression will be intently interested in everything you say and do. In turn, this will lead to a certain amount of suspense. She'll be constantly wondering, "Does he like me?" If she's perfectly at ease around you, that's not necessarily a good thing.

I am at ease around most guys I like as more than friends. Sometimes I get a little nervous but it is usually temporary.

 

Number 5

 

She doesn't laugh at your jokes.

A sense of humor usually tops a woman's attraction wish list. The importance of making a woman laugh cannot be overstated. If she's not laughing, her panties aren't coming off, its that simple.. If she really is interested romantically, she'll laugh at your jokes, even if they aren't funny.

If a joke isn't funny, I can't make myself laugh! It has nothing to do with my feelings for the guy.

 

Number 6

 

She brings up other women

"I want to set you up with my good friend Judy."

Well yeah that's a clear sign.

 

Number 7

 

She is in charge of what you both do..

When you hang out with her, do you always find yourself doing what she wants ? Does she always insist on going to her favorite hangouts? When was the last time she watched a Action movie with you, or followed you to the car show? An interested woman will always seek out ways to please and at least cater to some of your manly interests.

Lots of guys like women who are in charge and many will speak up as far as what they want to do. If they "ALWAYS INSIST" on doing things, then I think it is more of a personality flaw. They shouldn't treat friends or anyone with that type of controlling behavior. Even if I haven't liked a guy as a boyfriend, I have never always insisted on doing what I want without getting imput from the person I am with. Sometimes yes, as is normal.

 

Number 8

 

She uses the Friend-word

The word she uses is : *friends!* If a woman addresses you with the word "friend," you are dead in the water! You never want to be friends with a girl you're attracted to.....

Sometimes I will address a guy I am really into as a friend so that I don't put myself out there and protect myself in case he doesn't want to be more than friends. It is kind of like throwing the ball in his court and see how he throws it back. Does he agree to the "friends" label or does he want more.

[Mary3]

I ask men I'm interested in for favors. I will ask them to come inside and move something heavy, or pick up something for me or run an errand and so on. Sometimes I ask on purpose because I think they will feel flattered that I have asked them to do something for me and it makes them feel good. It also tests them. If they are not eager or ok to do it, then I might not find them to be boyfriend material. Sometimes I ask for favors for practical reasons, I just need the help. It doesn't mean I see them as a friend only.

As I stated before some girls might just want Mr Fix it and while he is sweating and slaving in the sun trying to do alot for her he is hoping she is impressed and will * like * him in a way that men want. If he fixes alot of things and she brushes him off as a friend ALL the time pretty soon, ( unless he truly looks at this as a platonic friendship ) he is going to feel used unless he is a certified handyman who enjoys helping females out in distress. I would not ask for a ton of favors from a man ( maybe a few but a clear sign that he knows he is just a platonic friend ) but many men might misconstrue that as a sign that if he does * enough * for her she might come around and like him in the way he wants to be liked. And thats not likely to be platonic zone.

 

I'm not a touchy person. Even if I am extremely interested in a guy, unless we are dating I won't brush up against him or touch his arm and do touchy stuff. I'll keep the flirting on a verbal level.

 

I would say we are all different. If I do like a man I might touch his arm lightly and maybe later snuggle and talk. I mean snuggle sitting up , lol.

 

 

 

I tend to do this and am practicing not to as it has lead many guys getting upset. It took me a while to realize it's wrong since I wouldn't like it if he gushes on other girls, but I tend to say "so and so has a hot body" or "looks good" and usually I don't notice it's wrong until they point it out. I guess it's a habbit to comment on men but it doesn't mean I think the guy I am with is only friend material. It also tests on their security with themselves to not let it get to them.

 

If I like a man alot I am not going to be saying DAM that guy is sooooooo hot ! Unless of course 1 ) I'm pissed at him 2 ) I say it playfully or 3 ) I dont see the man sitting next to me in a romantic way so I would feel free to comment on HOT guys.

 

 

I am at ease around most guys I like as more than friends. Sometimes I get a little nervous but it is usually temporary.

 

This at ease is not to be confused with that warm wonderful sensation you get when you feel at ease with a man you are interested in. This is in more reference to being so at ease you feel like he is the old used couch you sat on for years as a kid

 

 

If a joke isn't funny, I can't make myself laugh! It has nothing to do with my feelings for the guy.

 

Once again humor variates. I have a strong sense of humor and can laugh at dark jokes , laugh at myself or laugh to ease stress in a situation. There might be girls out there who laugh even when its not funny. They are looking beyond his corny jokes and liking HIM instead of his bantor...

 

 

Well yeah that's a clear sign.

 

 

Lots of guys like women who are in charge and many will speak up as far as what they want to do. If they "ALWAYS INSIST" on doing things, then I think it is more of a personality flaw. They shouldn't treat friends or anyone with that type of controlling behavior. Even if I haven't liked a guy as a boyfriend, I have never always insisted on doing what I want without getting imput from the person I am with. Sometimes yes, as is normal.

Once again its all about Balance. They should be planning things together that they BOTH want to do.

 

 

Sometimes I will address a guy I am really into as a friend so that I don't put myself out there and protect myself in case he doesn't want to be more than friends. It is kind of like throwing the ball in his court and see how he throws it back. Does he agree to the "friends" label or does he want more.

 

I can agree with this in the beginning but when he is kissing you romantically and desires ( or has ) been intimate with you then calling him a * friend * might serve FWB zone. Its difficult to say : Hey this is my boyfriend if you aren't clear yet. I address the same way until its for sure.

 

Hopefully the above might clarify more of what I meant

[j.carsey]

MEN/WOMEN: 8 ways to see if you're just a friend

MEN: you might get injured trying this, still usually worth trying

WOMEN: this is 90% guaranteed to work so you'd better want him

... and the other 10% you might feel hurt if rejected (boo hoo)

 

1. Playfully fondle their hair

2. Playfully stroke their leg (can start as just a pat)

3. Playfully toy with their clothes e.g. bottom of shirt, belt (as if you want to get in there

4. Get your hands on their hips

5. Tell them that you want them to be more than just a friend

6. Tell them that they turn you on

7. Kiss on the cheek

8. Kiss on the lips (gotta swoop in fast so they can't escape)

[ronnieromance]

Laddertheory.com Some of the best reading I've ever done.

 

Most women don't like it though.

 

 

-R-

[Tmi381]

I know this is long but hear me out.. I am living proof!!

 

Number 6 - She brings up other women & Number 8 - She uses the Friend-word.

 

I was in a situation this weekend. This person I was totally into broke my heart. All the warning signs were there I was just too mesmerized in my own dreamy world to realize what I was going to let happen to my self. We were seeing each other for two months. I began to have strong feelings for this person & I thought it was the same on their end. Boy was I wrong. When we first met this person would talk about their ex. saying how this person got on nerves, how they tried to get back with their ex but the ex didn’t give them the time of day. We spent time together and did everything that would lead up to a relationship. I eventually noticed things changing. It wasn’t even on both ends. Calls became infrequent and I felt like I was doing more. I also notice more talk about the ex.. Stating how this person is still in love with the ex but the both of them are not reading for a relationship.. Yeah I know I should have packed my bags and ran for the hills but I still tried to wait it out. Well the ex’s aunt passed away and the person that I was dating was close to the aunt also. So now I’m hearing I have to be there for the ex etc. I said to this person well you know sometimes tragedy brings people together. I was told that it wasn’t like that they were just there for support… please!! So it went from that to spending the night.. Now I can admit I’m a little emotional about the whole thing because everything was going so well... Then all of sudden I kept getting hit with the line “but were just friends.” uh oh.. She kind of reassured me that I had nothing to worry about – unless I misinterpreted it. Well on Sunday I get a text message from an unfamiliar cell number.. Saying the following… I’m using my friend’s (the ex) phone. I really don’t like you.. I’m in love with so and so go on with your life bla bla… I had no idea who this was. I replied who is this? Then the name of the person I was dating came up but it didn’t sound like anything she would say or do. I called the person that I’m dating’s number… no answer. I called and again then they picked up the phone and said look I can’t talk right now and hung up.. I not going to lie I was stressing about this all night and I couldn’t sleep so I called again I can admit it was very late 3 am but we’ve talked plenty of time till 4 or 5 in the morning.. The answer I got was why are you calling me so late I’m not even home click I'm sleep(with music playing in the background).. While tears are just streaming from my eyes.. I’m so shocked because this person just did a 360 on me in less than 24 hours. The next day I got a call saying you called me 3 in the morning don’t call me anymore and hung up and that was it. I didn’t get to say one word. This person had to know that they were dead wrong. I was nothing but nice. Too nice end of story. I know for a fact that this person was back with the ex again. I did a lot for this person. I did learn that when I hear someone talk dearly or too often about an ex run run as fast as you can and save your self the heartache they are not over this person.. I also learned to treat people as “friends” and not as a mate so early on even if this person’s showing signs. I’m just left out in the open.. I didn’t get an explanation or anything… I got nothing!! well lesson learned.. But I’m still upset that I got myself into this situation.

[Tmi381]

I know this is wordy but please read!!!I was in a situation this weekend. This person I was totally into broke my heart. All the warning signs were there I was just too mesmerized in my own dreamy world to realize what I was going to let happen to my self. We were seeing each other for two months. I began to have strong feelings for this person & I thought it was the same on their end. Boy was I wrong. When we first met this person would talk about their ex. saying how this person got on nerves, how they tried to get back with their ex but the ex didn’t give them the time of day. We spent time together and did everything that would lead up to a relationship. I eventually noticed things changing. It wasn’t even on both ends. Calls became infrequent and I felt like I was doing more. I also notice more talk about the ex.. Stating how this person is still in love with the ex but the both of them are not reading for a relationship.. Yeah I know I should have packed my bags and ran for the hills but I still tried to wait it out. Well the ex’s aunt passed away and the person that I was dating was close to the aunt also. So now I’m hearing I have to be there for the ex etc. I said to this person well you know sometimes tragedy brings people together. I was told that it wasn’t like that they were just there for support… please!! So it went from that to spending the night.. Now I can admit I’m a little emotional about the whole thing because everything was going so well... Then all of sudden I kept getting hit with the line “but were just friends.” uh oh.. She kind of reassured me that I had nothing to worry about – unless I misinterpreted it. Well on Sunday I get a text message from an unfamiliar cell number.. Saying the following… I’m using my friend’s (the ex) phone. I really don’t like you.. I’m in love with so and so go on with your life bla bla… I had no idea who this was. I replied who is this? Then the name of the person I was dating came up but it didn’t sound like anything she would say or do. I called the person that I’m dating’s number… no answer. I called and again then they picked up the phone and said look I can’t talk right now and hung up.. I not going to lie I was stressing about this all night and I couldn’t sleep so I called again I can admit it was very late 3 am but we’ve talked plenty of time till 4 or 5 in the morning.. The answer I got was why are you calling me so late I’m not even home click.. While tears are just streaming from my eyes.. I’m so shocked because this person just did a 360 on me in less than 24 hours. The next day I got a call saying you called me 3 in the morning don’t call me anymore and hung up and that was it. I didn’t get to say one word. This person knew they were dead wrong. I was nothing but nice. Too nice end of story. I know for a fact that this person was back with the ex again. I did a lot for this person. I did learn that when I hear some talk dearly about an ex run run as fast as you can and save your self the heartache.. I also learned to treat people as “friends” and not as a mate so early on even if this person’s showing signs. I’m just left out in the open.. I didn’t get an explanation or anything… I got nothing!! well lesson learned.. But I’m still upset that I got myself into this situation.

[Yamaha]

I can't personally be friends with men who have informed me of a sexual interest. I wouldn't want to be friends with a man who I wanted to date. It would make it uncomfortable for me.

 

Then why do you say it would ruin a friendship by asking someone on a date? If you would not be friends with a guy who you wanted to date but he only saw you as a friend, then why would a guy end a friendship by asking her on a date if he wanted more than friendship? You both can move on and a friendship based one wanting more is avoided. It seems like the best solution to me. Why be friends with someone if you want more?

[fundamental]

Number 1

She asks for favors

 

...and doesn't return them or call you other than to ask for favours. However, women know that men like to 'do for' them and so will ask for favours so they can praise the men and thank them for the favours. I can change my own fuses, do my own drilling, etc., but a lot of guys want to do those jobs for their ladies so I asked them to do them for me.

 

Number 2

She doesn't touch you

will brush her fingers against your arm, tickle you or lightly smack you.

 

I hope nobody's smacking anybody and tickling's for kids. I agree with the person who said she may be shy and reserved. I think a better gauge is whether you can get into her personal space. If everytime you get physically close to her she moves away, then you're in trouble. OTOH if she welcomes your being close by or lightly touching her as you stand near her, that's a good sign.

 

Number 3

She gushes over other men.

 

She may talk lovingly of an ex-boyfriend or discuss another guy's attractive qualities.

 

Well be careful about whether she's speaking 'lovingly'. I do speak of people in my past, but I talk about them the way I do about people in any story I tell - not 'lovingly' at all but just in the context of relating events.

 

Number 4

 

She's not on her toes around you. A woman who is trying to make an impression will be intently interested in everything you say and do.

 

Remember that she might be a human - even tired or sick sometimes.

 

If she's perfectly at ease around you, that's not necessarily a good thing.

 

There's not a more wonderful feeling in the world than feeling perfectly comfortable and content in someone's presence. That's an experience you have when you really care about someone, IMHO.

 

Number 5

 

She doesn't laugh at your jokes.

 

OK, this one I'll agree with. Couples have to be able to have fun together - if you can't make her laugh then she's not going to enjoy you long-term.

 

Number 6

 

She brings up other women

"I want to set you up with my good friend Judy."

 

Oh be careful here. She might in fact do that in the hope that you'll say 'Judy? Why? I have what I want right here' or something like that - in short, it might be an attempt at finding out what you think about her and if you're willing to throw her under the bus if someone else comes along.

 

Number 7

 

She is in charge of what you both do..

 

There are fellows who just are not interested in making the social arrangements.

Number 8

 

She uses the Friend-word

The word she uses is : *friends!* If a woman addresses you with the word "friend," you are dead in the water! You never want to be friends with a girl you're attracted to.....

 

Not in the least. She may use 'friend' until you use something else. She may use 'friend' and do so with great warmth and affection. As John said above, friendship can turn into love and is a critical component of a good relationship.

It all depends on the tone of voice and the look in her eyes when she says 'friend'.

 

Shopping lists can mislead you. I wouldn't live by one.

 

I agree with all of these.

[Sand&Water]

Then why do you say it would ruin a friendship by asking someone on a date? If you would not be friends with a guy who you wanted to date but he only saw you as a friend, then why would a guy end a friendship by asking her on a date if he wanted more than friendship? You both can move on and a friendship based one wanting more is avoided. It seems like the best solution to me. Why be friends with someone if you want more?

 

This is so true, but very hard to swallow.

 

Some guys get themselves so deep into the friendszone, they're not able crawl out of it. Is the friendszone that horrific?

[j.carsey]

No the friendzone is just not as bad as you people are saying.

 

The friendzone has landed me into good, healthy relationships as well as casual sex. The only difficulty is in your own head, fearing that you're going to ruin a good thing by making an aggressive move.

 

I have hardly EVER had a friendship totally destroyed when I made a move, even an unwelcome one. You make sure you do it in a classy way and if it's unwelcome, you be a gentleman and back off and go back to behaving normally. I think girls handle this well, as long as you (the guy) can handle it too.

 

You think there's a rule against dating friends? Break the rule! Girls love rule breakers Even the girl I'm seeing right now told me, back when we were friends she never ever thought we could ever possibly hook up. Turns out she became more attracted and comfortable with the idea over a couple years. Ooops But see being "just friends" can get you somewhere

[Sand&Water]

No the friendzone is just not as bad as you people are saying.

 

The friendzone has landed me into good, healthy relationships as well as casual sex. The only difficulty is in your own head, fearing that you're going to ruin a good thing by making an aggressive move.

 

I have hardly EVER had a friendship totally destroyed when I made a move, even an unwelcome one. You make sure you do it in a classy way and if it's unwelcome, you be a gentleman and back off and go back to behaving normally. I think girls handle this well, as long as you (the guy) can handle it too.

 

I don't see how the friendszone is so bad. I've always thought the friendszone as having numerous advantages. It should be welcomed.

 

A male friend of mine, was talking to me a while back about the "just friends" zone. He told me that, he's been wanting something more with a female friend of his but didn't want (or maybe is scared) to lose the friendship.

 

He should confront her with his feelings already. So, yeah good things can result from friendships if you just do it in an appropriate manner.

[j.carsey]

Yeah the appropriate-ness is important.

 

But when I think of things I have said, and my male friends have said, I have heard MUCH more about "worrying about ruining friendships" than friendships actually being ruined by taking a stab at it.

 

So it sounds to me like lots of worrying, but fewer actual consequences than people expect. People can be very forgiving! I have made some very ballsy sexual advances on women, who rejected it but we still hang out regularly as friends

 

Plus, since advances are often very flattering, you're probably not even upsetting the person -- unless there are some especially complicating circumstances

[Fun2BMe]

But see being "just friends" can get you somewhere

It's too bad men can't be "just friends" with a girl unless it's going to eventually lead to sex. As soon as boys hit puberty, they only see women as vagina material according to all the arguments around here. You just have to "get somewhere.":rolleyes:

[j.carsey]

I didn't say you have to get somewhere or always try. I just said that IF you want to get somewhere, you don't have to forget about it just because you're in the friend zone.

 

It may be true that in general, women are more selective or picky than men. But let's face it, that probably has to do with biology and animal reproduction just like with other animal species.

 

It's just instinct, lady. Don't be offended by it! Instinct is great, where would all the most thrilling experiences in your life come from without it?

[blue16]

I don't know why someone who is deeply entrenched in the friendzone would want to continue being friends if they really want something more.

 

How does it feel when you're with her and she is talking about some guy she likes, or about her bf. Meanwhile, you're sitting there like a sucker trying to hide the jealousy you feel. Doesn't sound very enticing to me.

 

Pretty much the only reason why I'd want to be friends (or good acquaintences) with a girl I'm interested in is because I think I can hook up with her at some point in the future (given the right time/place). If I don't think she's attracted to me at all, then really a friendship is only torture and nothing is gained.

[Yamaha]

It's too bad men can't be "just friends" with a girl unless it's going to eventually lead to sex. As soon as boys hit puberty, they only see women as vagina material according to all the arguments around here. You just have to "get somewhere.":rolleyes:

 

Men can be friends with a women if he has no other motives other than friendship. Women complain about why a guy can't be friends if she doesn't want anymore than friendship. I would ask women how many men they have pursued for a platonic friendship?

 

The guy approaches you and you decide if you like him as a friend or more within a few minutes of meeting. A guy would not approach you unless he had other reasons for wanting to get to know you ( unless it is just casual acquaintances ). Most women on this forum are the ones saying if a man revels his feelings it will probably end the friendship.

 

I am for finding out that she wants the same type of relationship I do. The best way to do this is to ask her on a date( if a romantic interest ). I am not saying the friend zone is bad. I am just trying to get many men to realize that most women do not change their minds from friends to romance. If your looking for a friend then get you a good buddy ( man or women ) but if you want romance then go for someone who feels the same.

[Mary3]

Men can be friends with a women if he has no other motives other than friendship. Women complain about why a guy can't be friends if she doesn't want anymore than friendship. I would ask women how many men they have pursued for a platonic friendship?

 

The guy approaches you and you decide if you like him as a friend or more within a few minutes of meeting. A guy would not approach you unless he had other reasons for wanting to get to know you ( unless it is just casual acquaintances ). Most women on this forum are the ones saying if a man revels his feelings it will probably end the friendship.

 

I am for finding out that she wants the same type of relationship I do. The best way to do this is to ask her on a date( if a romantic interest ). I am not saying the friend zone is bad. I am just trying to get many men to realize that most women do not change their minds from friends to romance. If your looking for a friend then get you a good buddy ( man or women ) but if you want romance then go for someone who feels the same.

 

Right on Yamaha ! PS :Is anyone having problems getting a link to come onto the forum ?

[monkey00]

I can't personally be friends with men who have informed me of a sexual interest.

 

you may not be able to, but there are plenty of woman around that do however.

 

different folks different strokes, men and women tend to react to signs or portray signals differently in regards to friendship or more. But i think that's where the underlying problem is, either someone wants to be friends to get into someone's pants or they dont at all. A belief that a simple friendship is just a simple friendship may not be what it seems, the situation can be much more complex.

 

perhaps if women would take the risk of rejection by being blunt and stating what they really wanted, there wouldnt be problems with second guessing and mind games. Men's heads are thicker than wood, sometimes you just have to make things appear more obvious than women would have you to believe.

 

Although i find most of the things on your list true, i cant say that it applies all the time. FWB or STR, can have a mixture of things from your list and some opposite on the list. I somewhat disagree with #8, sometimes a girl can keep doing this to you as a way of forcing you to make a move. These type of girls heavily fear rejection because they dont know where you stand. in a way they keep doing this get you hyped up to make a move.

 

And the biggest quarrel i dont get with women is they can get mad at a guy for checking out other women, and on her end she's emotionally cheating with her guy friend.