Cheated on - overreacting?

[maurtini86]

Okay, so. I've been dating this girl for a little over a year now. A while ago, she revealed that she cheated on me three months into the relationship. We were home for winter break, and we live several states apart, so we didn't see each other for a bout a month. She got drunk at a party, went upstairs with a guy, and gave him a handjob. Offered a blowjob, but didn't follow through.

 

She says she was just drunk and lonely, and she's sorry, and she'll never do it again. Also, she says she wasn't sure about me at first, but she is now. I love her, and this isn't as bad as it could have been, but I still can't stop thinking about it. I'm worried she'll do it again, and I get nervous and jealous every time she goes out. I don't want to change her, or tell her to stop drinking or partying, but it makes me feel guilty that I can't trust her anymore.

 

We talk about it sometimes when I'm feeling insecure, but it doesn't really help, because the relationship can never be the same again. I want to get over it, but I don't know how to start. I feel sick when I think about her wanting another person, especially a guy. (If I didn't mention it, I'm female, and for some reason it bothers me more that this happened with a man.)

 

Am I just overreacting? If I am, how should I try to get over it? If not... any thoughts or advice?

[srsvfx]

i am willing to bet my life savings that you dont know the whole truth... she offered oral sex and didnt follow through? Comon now, did the guy say "no, the handjob is enough for now". she def had at least oral sex with him, shes probably affraid to hurt you by telling you the whole truth. get the whole truth out of her NOW... shes going to break down and tell you the truth if she loves you, better now so you can start healing rather than open old wounds later.

[megnog]

well, srsv, i don't know the whole story but it could have just been she was really drunk and offered but didn't end up doing it.

anyway...

okay so she lied to you. she lied and cheated. its perfectly normal to act the way you are. its hard to rebuild trust with someone you thought loved you and would never do this to you. i must say, long distance relationships are extremely tricky. i would never get into one myself. infact, how the hell did you two meet?

anyway i really don't know how to help this out because i know you don't want to leave her but you just really have to make sure she tells you the truth and doesn't do anything else f***ed up. i too have cheated when i was drunk and KNOW FOR A FACT that i wouldn't have done that had i not been drunk.. but i still believe being drunk is NOT A VALID EXCUSE.

if she cares at all and wants to make sure you stick with her, tell her you'd rather her not drink herself into oblivion. and maybe she could call you when shes out to make you feel better. anyway i hope you work things out.

[john2776]

How to get over it? Either you will or you won't and that is probably based on what your instinct tells you. Its hard to fight that instinctual feeling.

 

I once had a girlfriend who kissed another guy in the first month. She felt guilty, apologised and I believed her to be sincere and in the years that followed she never cheated and I never suspected for a second that she would or could and I never worried about it.

 

I had another girlfriend years later who after being with for a few months told me that the night she first kissed me she stayed at another guys house, and also visited his house late at night when I was out of town after we were going out, but that nothing happened. Well my instinct said bulls*** and the relationship never recovered. I simply could not trust her, because I caught her lying about little things all the time.

 

In the end, make a decision to trust her again and try to forget it happened. Put it behind you. If anything happens again, say good-bye.