Tony's advice

[Laura]

I sometimes read the problems in this site and the advice given. I don't usually put my 2 cents in unless it is something I have had experience in, but I make about 1 visit every 2 weeks here, just to see what's going on. The advice given here is very solid and sound and I think that it is great that people can come together in this day and age to help each other out in the name of love. But I would like to comment on something that bothers me about advice given by Tony.

 

Tony, you usually tell people to leave someone that has wronged you or to leave someone who you don't have anything in common with... usually you tell people to leave the person with your head held high. I think that your stance has to do with "There are plenty of fish in the sea." But sometimes I don't think it's that easy.

 

Sometimes, you catch a fish. And that fish is so delicious and tender and warm and is just about perfect. But you eat all of it or you find out it has too many bones or you burnt it when you cooked it. So you decide to throw that fish out. But you never find a fish as delicious and tender and warm as that one fish. And you always look back and remember that one fish, and know that ever since, there hasn't been anything like it yet.

 

I know that your advice is given generously, but I would like to tell people, try not to make a mistake. There are plenty of fish in the sea, but try to keep the good ones around.

 

Thanks,

 

Laura

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "There are plenty of fish in the sea, but try to keep the good ones around."

 

I couldn't agree with your more and being human you are just as subject to selective attention as anyone else. If you read every post I write, you will see that the greatest number of times I suggest ways that things can be worked out satisfactorilly. Your statement that I "usually tell people to leave the person with their head held high" is simply not true. And when I do recommend that people move on to greater happiness, I have never told them to hold their head high. I "usually" warn them of the pain that may follow but that they will get through it and be much happier for the experience.

 

The greatest number of times I give the person several options, if I feel those are available. And I would place money that most of these people in awful relationships who opt to stay in them ultimately leave anyway when the pain gets too much to bear. Otherwise, they are just crazy.

 

There are times when the only way to win is not to take part. There are endless losing situations and I usually read posts three or four times when answering and even look back at them while answering. It is not my fault if the posters cannot communicate well. I base my advice on what is written and I hardly think that any sane person would break up with someone they care deeply about based on my posts.

 

I give sane, rational reasons for people to move on when I do give that advice. My reasons are based on years of living the situations myself and observing my friends and acquaintances in those situations.

 

You are correct, you should keep the good fish around. But just taking one bite out of a bad fish can render fatal poisoning. There are way too many people who stay in trashy relationships because they are scared to death they won't find anyone else. I disagree with you totally on the point you made with regard to this. There are GREAT partners for everyone and life was meant to be lived in peace and harmony with fulfilling, loving relationships.

 

The greatest, most heinous, awful, painful, ungodly moments of loneliness are not nearly as bad as a bad relationship. It's better to live in an empty sea than one full of sharks.

 

I prefer lobster and oysters to fish anyway.

[Tony T]

Two posts down, the one entitled "Making Improvements," is a perfect example where I responded very positively and gave ways this lady can remain in her relationship and make it work. Did you read it?

[meathead]

Two posts down, the one entitled "Making

Improvements," is a perfect example where I responded very positively and gave ways this lady can remain in her relationship and make it work. Did you read it?

i read here to. i like what tony says. i wish for you to not be mad at tony. he is just trying. and i like to read many of the others that read here to. artopod, midori, ed, carrie and many many others.

 

please do not be mad at tony. he just try like everyonbe does.

[Laura]

I am not mad at Tony. If I were mad, I would have taken a harsher tone of voice. I am simply pointing out that you can't just leave ANYONE. I think that when people are angry or upset, they tend not to think about the good things a person has done for them and a little push would just break up a good relationship.

 

I am not saying that Tony is wrong in anyway and I think that everyone would agree that he is trying to help. Tony, along with Midori, Ed and others (There used to be a person by the name of Totally Confused to did a good job too) are generous with their help. I did comment on how great it was that people help each other out in my first entry.

 

I'm not mad, trust me.