Stevie Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Hi all! In a bit of a quandry. I've been married for 5 yrs., to a man in the military. Of course, in the beginning, all was hunky dory (as is usualy the case, I guess). During the course of the marriage, he became more interested in making money, and not developing our relationship. I, of course stayed, because I thought he would come around. When I would tell him of my feelings he would say things like "I work hard enough trying to secure our future, I don't want to have to work at the marriage" and "It's better to suffer now, than to suffer in the future". Needless to say, because of this, my feelings changed a bit, but I never wanted to give up. In 2003, he ended up getting deployed to Korea, for a year. He left Active Duty and joined the National Gurd, and we moved out of state. During an argument in 2004, he told me of an incident during a barracks party. He went back to his room, and found a naked woman in his bunk, who knew he was married. He told me that he told her that he was married, and couldn't do this to his wife. However, he said that he and this woman "remained friends" and that after he denied her advances, she developed respect for him, and basically "kept him faithful" to me. During 2004, he had no activity with the military, other than the National Guard. We rarely saw each other, because he mostly worked nights, and became involved in a business. So, again, we were apart a LOT. Towards the end of 2004, he got orders to go to Iraq. He went for training for 6 mths. During that 6 mths, he was able to visit for 2 weeks. Everything went well during that 2 weeks. A few days after he went back to training, I found out he had joined sexsearch.com, looking for a "1 on 1" encounter. In his ad, he said that he was "single". So these things had been going through my mind, since he's been gone. I know it's stupid, but I haven't told him, and he's due back next week. I really don't want to continue this marriage, but I feel horrible telling him this, as soon as he gets back from Iraq. Not sure what to do at this point. Any advice, or insight would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 IMO, it doesn't matter whether he's coming back from Iraq or from a business trip. If he's bad enough to dump when he went to war, he's bad enough to dump when he gets back. If I were you, the main thing I'd be concerned with is whether your friends and family are going to support your or not. To certain outsiders, it could look like he's a hero and you just don't want to stand by him when he needs you or maybe you replaced him with another man while he was away defending freedom (or whatever they feel the war is about). Since you'll probably need your support system to get through the divorce, you may want to talk it over with your closest friends and family so they understand the situation before you do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Billy Bob Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 I found out he had joined sexsearch.com, looking for a "1 on 1" encounter. In his ad, he said that he was "single". I wouldn't overreact. Lots of guys join these sites just out of fantasy to look at the pics. Trust me its much easier to just find someone at a bar than over the net if its sex he was looking for. Give him a break, go ahead and confront him like its not that big a deal. Ask him if he's not satisfied by you anymore. It might not be that big a deal, unless you make it out to be. Link to post Share on other sites
iron_m Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 1) The naked-woman-in-the-bunkbed episode is nothing to complain about. He acted the way he was supposed to. He remained faithful and he told you about it. 2) Sexsearch... may be what you think. May be what CTA mentioned. There is a whole lot of difference. 3) Do you love him? because if you do not love him, all the other points are just uninportant. Link to post Share on other sites
Billy Bob Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 He went back to his room, and found a naked woman in his bunk, who knew he was married. How come stuff like that never happens to me:( Link to post Share on other sites
iron_m Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 How come stuff like that never happens to me:( :laugh: now, that's a good one! Link to post Share on other sites
Lollie72 Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 I'd get an std test to be sure you've not picked up anything...my spouse acted this cold about money in the beginning too. I think it was a European upbringing thing. I wouldn't not trust him. He's breached a huge trust, he acted like he was single.....huge.... Link to post Share on other sites
Lollie72 Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 I wouldn't overreact. Lots of guys join these sites just out of fantasy to look at the pics. Trust me its much easier to just find someone at a bar than over the net if its sex he was looking for. Give him a break, go ahead and confront him like its not that big a deal. Ask him if he's not satisfied by you anymore. It might not be that big a deal, unless you make it out to be. He was home to visit her, he should have been all over her and not the NET Link to post Share on other sites
Lollie72 Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 Look up sex addict and read all about it...Sex and love addicts anonymous... Link to post Share on other sites
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