sumdude Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Arrrgh! What is more dangerous than a woman with a credit card!?! Yeah yeah, kick me for stereotyping.... But Still!!! She has a credit card on my account 'for emergencies'. Over the last year she keeps putting charges of a couple hundred bucks a month on it. Every month I have the conversation with her that we're barely making bills and need to pay off debts not make them. But I figure a few bucks here & there no need for an eruption or anything. So a few weeks ago my wife was pretty unhappy at her job and she quits, I supported her in that but for weeks we've been missing her income and I've been pulling rabbits out of hats to pay bills. So I get the Credit Card bill and suddenly ZAP! $1100 this month. I see Macy's, the shoe store, Borders books, the craft store etc. There's also a bunch at the grocery which I can sorta understand but why she won't tell me when we need money for food?? I'm not some ogre who freaks everytime money comes up. After all we need to eat and I had budgeted for that. It just pisses me off that she leaves a job because she's uncomfortable there before lining one up THEN spends money like a drunken princess! I was fine with keeping meager and waiting for the right job for her but now I'm just plain mad! I've been trying to get debt paid so we can move forward with plans in our lives but she keeps digging us deeper. Do I finally take away the card? I don't want to treat her like a child but we've talked aboiut it at least 6 times and it just gets worse not better. every time she apologises, realizes what she's doing and promises to be better. She just can't seem to control her impulse buying at all. I don't want to have to watch the pennies and be some kind of miser but what else can I do, otherwise my credit will be wrecked like her's has been. Link to post Share on other sites
portableversion Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 It's on YOUR account right? Then close it out. If she wants a card, SHE can a job first and get her own. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Do I finally take away the card? Yes you do.. providing that the card isn't a necessary item for her to have. if she cannot use it responsibly then she needs to lose the use of it.. Just because she is an adult doesn't mean that she has learned how to not spend and how to properly manage money I sympathize with you.. my ex wife could run up thousands per month on my cards if I loaned her any of them.. Even if she only had the card for an hour and was going to pay for the child care with it.. When the bill came in there would be all kinds of charges that have nothing to do with the child care. I would have a talk with her before hand and tell her something like " honey.. please only charge the child care on this card.. I just paid it off for our vacation.. and she would agree.. Then on vacation I would find out that the card is maxed out with something really expensive.. ( in that case it was 50 feet of commercial glass cases for a doll shop she was starting ) Get a hold on it..otherwise it will drive a wedge in your marriage. By the way.. I almost felt that sometimes my ex ( or then wife ) would run up the charges on purpose. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 You should absolutely take away her card. If she wants to behave like an irresponsible teenager, she deserves to be treated like one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sumdude Posted June 23, 2006 Author Share Posted June 23, 2006 You should absolutely take away her card. If she wants to behave like an irresponsible teenager, she deserves to be treated like one. Yeah, i suppose so.. It really just sucks to have to tell someone you love that you can't trust them... Damn, pissed off and bummed at the same time...must be married. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Yeah, i suppose so.. It really just sucks to have to tell someone you love that you can't trust them... Damn, pissed off and bummed at the same time...must be married. It sucks to tell them that, but it sucks worse that you have to. I'm sorry, I know this isn't going to be fun for you at all... she's going to be pissed. But you are in the right. She is a grownup, and her behavior is one of a spoiled child. I have guy friends who will never get out of the debt their stay at home wives have racked up, because they didn't nip it in the bud. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Christ I hate that. XW was like that... the credit card statements would come and if she'd ONLY put $300 on it, I felt like I had to congratulate her for her restraint. About a month after we married, she admitted to me that she had a credit card with a $2000 balance owing on it. Very apologetic. I told her that it wasn't hers to deal with anymore, it was "ours". No problem. She thanked me by starting to bone somebody else a couple of weeks later. God I'm glad to have her out of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
sugarplum Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 have your heard of bi-polar? symtoms? especially since the spending increased drastically after quitting a job. I'm not excusing the behavior, just looking for reasons other than she is a "freeloader" or whatever other terms come to mind after reading this. I would cancel the card though. Actually, you can't if there is a balance on it. But call the company and have them not approve any more charges. I had a company give me a problem with this once,(I guess they want to keep "active" accounts open to increase their profit) if this happens, report it lost. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Yes, take the card away. If she's not working then she has no business shopping like that! Link to post Share on other sites
sugarplum Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 she apologises, realizes what she's doing and promises to be better. She just can't seem to control her impulse buying at all. this is the part that was the red flag to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 have your heard of bi-polar? symtoms? funny you mention that.. my exW was bi-polar I didn't want to throw that in the mix on my post but excessive spending can be a symptom or outcome of being bi-polar Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 have your heard of bi-polar? symtoms? especially since the spending increased drastically after quitting a job. I'm not excusing the behavior, just looking for reasons other than she is a "freeloader" or whatever other terms come to mind after reading this. I would cancel the card though. Actually, you can't if there is a balance on it. But call the company and have them not approve any more charges. I had a company give me a problem with this once,(I guess they want to keep "active" accounts open to increase their profit) if this happens, report it lost. I was thinking about this too. The old buy something to make yourself feel better syndrome. She is usually working but tends to change jobs too often for security. She is working again now but can be a bit of a hot house flower at times about her work environment. There have been a ton of stressors in our lives the last year. Married a year ago, lost my mother to cancer, trouble conceiving, some in law issues. So adding money problems on top is sure no help that's for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
brightskies Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 There have been a ton of stressors in our lives the last year. Married a year ago, lost my mother to cancer, trouble conceiving, some in law issues. So adding money problems on top is sure no help that's for sure. Sorry to hear about your mother and the other troubles. Definitely take away the card and put her on an allowance, if need be, at this point. She needs to learn that you won't support her irresponsibility. Have you considered delaying having children until you sort out the finances with your wife? You don't want to add the stress and financial pressure of raising children to the mix. Link to post Share on other sites
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