Sami_D Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 MO I was having a late night... and got an email about you... PLEASE don't cave till you've talked about it with us all. LOVE you... Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 Okay, I am here. Just got your email also! Sweetie, you are HUMAN. There is no way you can erase the feelings that have been a part of you for so long. You are NOT made of stone. That said, DON"T CALL HIM. I have broken NC and it is a spiral down emotionally. You may feel better in the moment, but you will feel like s*** afterwards. You will try to beat yourself up for being weak....and a few seconds of hearing his voice is NOT worth the pain you will feel later. You have such dignity and class. Don't let him get the best of you. Ride through these emotions tonight and see how you feel tomorrow. You may be pleased to notice tomorrow that this intense desire to speak with him has disappeared overnight. Put on a rubberband. Put it on your wrist. Snap it when you think of him. The pain will snap you out of this fog you are in. Try it. It really works. And keep talking to us. We are here. HUGE HUGS WA Link to post Share on other sites
RealityCheck Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 Okay, I am here. Just got your email also! Sweetie, you are HUMAN. There is no way you can erase the feelings that have been a part of you for so long. You are NOT made of stone. That said, DON"T CALL HIM. I have broken NC and it is a spiral down emotionally. You may feel better in the moment, but you will feel like s*** afterwards. You will try to beat yourself up for being weak....and a few seconds of hearing his voice is NOT worth the pain you will feel later. You have such dignity and class. Don't let him get the best of you. Ride through these emotions tonight and see how you feel tomorrow. You may be pleased to notice tomorrow that this intense desire to speak with him has disappeared overnight. Put on a rubberband. Put it on your wrist. Snap it when you think of him. The pain will snap you out of this fog you are in. Try it. It really works. And keep talking to us. We are here. HUGE HUGS WA Wow! WA... Note to Self......(rubber band) Damn! That's fire!!! Great suggestion! Link to post Share on other sites
silentjuliet Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 I'm so sorry sweetie...I am going to respond with something better tomorrow after I get off my shift. Hang in there and you were brave to post this. *HUGS* Link to post Share on other sites
Author movinon05 Posted June 24, 2006 Author Share Posted June 24, 2006 Thanks WA!!! And ouch!!! lol!!! I swear, guys, its soo good to have you all to talk to and help me get through. It really helps to talk and listen with people who care so much and have your best interest at heart. I never just snap and do without thinking it through (and I hope I never do), so I knew I had to get this out somehow and this is where I need to do it. I think I really need to examine what's going on with me and try to figure myself out. But I don't expect any answers any time soon. Link to post Share on other sites
UnknowingOW Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 Awwww...my dog does that too! Aren't they the best? She lays her head on my shoulder when I'm crying--she's my sweet lil piggy:bunny: They do know when we're hurting don't they? ABSOLUTELY! My dog is my baby..I should post his pic under my profile. Since I don't have children he is one true unconditional love. He pines for me while I'm away on business. My parents watch him when I travel, they live next door so it's easy for him to transition to their place. When they are picking me up at the airport the say...are you ready to see M? He runs for the car because he knows I'm coming home. When I get home after being gone for weeks...he snuggles up next to me in bed...Yep, I love my Bubby (his nickname) Link to post Share on other sites
UnknowingOW Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 I think I really need to examine what's going on with me and try to figure myself out. But I don't expect any answers any time soon. Maybe it's Keith's wedding...how could he!!!! Trying to make ya laugh. Link to post Share on other sites
RealityCheck Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 Maybe it's Keith's wedding...how could he!!!! Trying to make ya laugh. OMG! ......*laughing* Don't get me and MO started! That's the only thing we fight over!....lol Yes! that's got to be it! MO, listen up! It's not the exMM its Keith!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author movinon05 Posted June 24, 2006 Author Share Posted June 24, 2006 Thanks UnK, its working. Yes, it could very well be my Keith. Like I've said before, she better treat him right. And it better not affect his music! Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 Movinon, Are you feeling better? It sounds like it. Just keep talking to us and we'll see you through this.... This too shall pass. WA Link to post Share on other sites
Author movinon05 Posted June 24, 2006 Author Share Posted June 24, 2006 Movinon, Are you feeling better? It sounds like it. Just keep talking to us and we'll see you through this.... This too shall pass. WA I am, thanks. I have to be. Kids are home and you have all helped tremendously. Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 Hi MO! I was feeling very weak yesterday and earlier today, too! Must be something in the air. I had a very intense urge to email my MM... but I ended up not doing so. I told myself that I'd send my thoughts by ESP instead. This works for almost all the time. Think of it this way: if he really loves you... wouldn't he be able to catch the love by ESP? Seriously. I can feel his love for me... so I am sure that he can feel mine for him. That's how we communicate, I'd tell myself. It works every time... after sending my love to him by ESP, I wouldn't feel the need to email him any more. I hope that helps! You have been my strength and inspiration. i have always been in awe of your determination to move on. But that doesn't mean that you can not be human, too. I am only more in awe with you now, knowing that you have a heart just like mine - in a million pieces but healing. Keep your chin up. "Inaction can be as strong as action sometimes." (That's my motto now.) Link to post Share on other sites
bunset Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 Oh Hell MO... You're only human! This was your big issue, and it's NORMAL! I am absolutely not ready to give you 'good advice' since I just started my/his NC this week. But I can say this..... If his situation hasn't changed, then yours won't either! He knows where you are. You know of lots of 'subtle' ways to let him know how you still feel without direct contact, don't you??? If not... channel this frustration in a creative way and figure it out.. then sit back and watch. Analyze what you do to 'get around' what you know you shouldn't do.. then see if it's silly or admirable or just plain useless. Do this assignment and then see how you feel. Let's look at a quote from Dr. Wayne Dyer's The Power of Intention: Chapter 12 Step #7 "Detach from the outcome and practice infinite patience. This is the cruicial step of faith. Don't make the mistake of evaluating your intentions as successes or failures on the basis of your little ego and its time schedule. Put out your intention, and practice everything [written in this chapter and in this book].. and then let go. Create knowing within, and let the universal mind of intention handle the details" OK so that doesn't have much to offer without all the rest of it.. Here: "Rather than saying, I wish this person would show up because I need to get out of this rut, activate a thought that reflects your connection, such as I know the right person will be arriving in divine order at precisely the perfect time." Give this a shot and get back to us... I know you can do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author movinon05 Posted June 24, 2006 Author Share Posted June 24, 2006 Thanks Buns, This is very insightful. I'm gonna read it a number of times to ingest it and work on it. But at this late hour, I'm too foggy!! And I know you might not think this is a big thing, but in my mind it is a very bad thing that I have actually begun to think this way after all this time. Link to post Share on other sites
bunset Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 MO, thoughts are not bad..... actions that do not follow our intention are bad... give yourself permission to think 'bad thought' but then make yourself 'pay for it' by reflection. get some rest, and allow whatever impulses or dreams to come... look at them, cherish them for a moment, be grateful for them ... then let them go. DON"T be afraid of them! Then get to work on your creative alternatives! Share them with us, no matter how wacky they may be. Let us poke at them, too, to give us chance to learn, please??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author movinon05 Posted June 24, 2006 Author Share Posted June 24, 2006 Hi MO! I was feeling very weak yesterday and earlier today, too! Must be something in the air. I had a very intense urge to email my MM... but I ended up not doing so. I told myself that I'd send my thoughts by ESP instead. This works for almost all the time. Think of it this way: if he really loves you... wouldn't he be able to catch the love by ESP? Seriously. I can feel his love for me... so I am sure that he can feel mine for him. That's how we communicate, I'd tell myself. It works every time... after sending my love to him by ESP, I wouldn't feel the need to email him any more. I hope that helps! You have been my strength and inspiration. i have always been in awe of your determination to move on. But that doesn't mean that you can not be human, too. I am only more in awe with you now, knowing that you have a heart just like mine - in a million pieces but healing. Keep your chin up. "Inaction can be as strong as action sometimes." (That's my motto now.) Thanks KHLF. I suppose he knows how I feel. No, I know he knows how I feel. 7 years just doesn't get washed down the tube for nothing. And obviously he's feeling the same for me with the things he sent and said. Its morning and my "moment" has passed leaving me feeling sad. I guess I'll get through this in my own little time as I have to. I just hope the feeling to call goes away soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author movinon05 Posted June 24, 2006 Author Share Posted June 24, 2006 MO, thoughts are not bad..... actions that do not follow our intention are bad... Then get to work on your creative alternatives! Share them with us, no matter how wacky they may be. Let us poke at them, too, to give us chance to learn, please??? Buns, you're making an awful lot of sense to me and I've reread your other post now that I'm awake and the coffee is working its magic. I was able to read Dyer's words clearly and come away with more clarity. It really is good and makes you stop and think. I'll be coming back to that often. give yourself permission to think 'bad thought' but then make yourself 'pay for it' by reflection. get some rest, and allow whatever impulses or dreams to come... look at them, cherish them for a moment, be grateful for them ... then let them go. DON"T be afraid of them! This I may have to wrestle with. I don't think I can cherish my dreams or be grateful for them. Either way I do need to let them go. Fear? Unfortunately I will be fearful of them as they definitely exist although I have fought them tooth and nail to get where I am. I'll have to work on this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author movinon05 Posted June 25, 2006 Author Share Posted June 25, 2006 MO, thoughts are not bad..... actions that do not follow our intention are bad... give yourself permission to think 'bad thought' but then make yourself 'pay for it' by reflection. get some rest, and allow whatever impulses or dreams to come... look at them, cherish them for a moment, be grateful for them ... then let them go. DON"T be afraid of them! Then get to work on your creative alternatives! Share them with us, no matter how wacky they may be. Let us poke at them, too, to give us chance to learn, please??? Creative alternatives. My creative alternatives have always been the same. Focus on family, home. Dating again. Its always the same. And it is what has kept me from faltering because I was determined to make a life for myself. I don't know why, even two days later, that I still want to call him. But I think I need closure. I never did get closure. I would've been able to keep on doing what I was doing, but now I need to know what he's up to since he decided to invade my life again. I'm trying to prepare mentally, knowing what I will and will not accept, and what I will and will not do. He doesn't have the control over me that he once had, but he still certainly has all the love I have had and apparently still do. I just know this journey with him is not over as long as he keeps "slipping in the back way" so to speak, without me being able to do anything about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 Ah, the closure. I had it with my MM. And, I admit, it does feel better than leaving things in limbo. You will get no judgement from me. You know that. It is a sticky wicket that we are in with these darned MM. I know that you will do what is best for you. I just don't want you to lose alot of ground by talking with him. Perhaps you should wait until you are a bit more detached? Just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author movinon05 Posted June 25, 2006 Author Share Posted June 25, 2006 Ah, the closure. I had it with my MM. And, I admit, it does feel better than leaving things in limbo. You will get no judgement from me. You know that. It is a sticky wicket that we are in with these darned MM. I know that you will do what is best for you. I just don't want you to lose alot of ground by talking with him. Perhaps you should wait until you are a bit more detached? Just a thought. WA, see here's the difference. You got your closure. You got to say what you had to say. I never did and I still never would have tried had he not started coming back into my life again. I just can't be so strong anymore and allow him to keep doing this to me. Not knowing when he will show up or send whatever gift or message to me. It is emotionally draining. I won't lose ground by talking to him. I am as detached as I possibly can be given the time I've had away from him. But either way, closure will give me some kind of peace in some way. If I could've moved away and he wouldn't know where to find me, it would have been easier than him having this access to me that he has now. If he had e-mail or I knew where he worked, I would've been there by now and confronted him face to face. I don't have the luxury of being able to confront him. But now I feel like I need to take action, take control of whatever it is, and deal with it finally. This is the thing. I need to deal with some kind of reality. Whether I like it or not. Whether it works in my favor or not. Whatever way it goes. Limbo is hell. Reality is taking the upper hand and facing whatever may be in store. One way or the other, I would know and then know what the real reality is in this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 If closure is what you need, then do it. I trust you and your judgement. Do whatever it takes to move on. I am right here in your corner, sister. Hugs WA Link to post Share on other sites
lovernotafighter Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 If closure is what you need, then do it. I trust you and your judgement. Do whatever it takes to move on. I am right here in your corner, sister. Hugs WA Me too movin on, your one of strongest women I have ever had the pleasure of getting acquainted with,I know you'll handle your self like a pro. if closure is what you need I say go for it...even tell him off if it makes you feel better. just don't let him destroy all the progress you made..he isn't worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
RealityCheck Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 Me too movin on, your one of strongest women I have ever had the pleasure of getting acquainted with,I know you'll handle your self like a pro. if closure is what you need I say go for it...even tell him off if it makes you feel better. just don't let him destroy all the progress you made..he isn't worth it. Everyone deals with their situations differently! Its what makes each of us unique! You know what you need to do for YOURSELF! If it is closure so be it! Knowing you the way I do, honestly MO, I can't see you moving from your head space should you make the call! I do believe your physical will get weak and you know what I'm talking about here, but your head space NO! You have been dealing with your emotions far to long in NC for them to slip back. You have disected, them to death! You are very guarded now. Do want you need to do! *Hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 I won't lose ground by talking to him. I am as detached as I possibly can be given the time I've had away from him. But either way, closure will give me some kind of peace in some way. If I could've moved away and he wouldn't know where to find me, it would have been easier than him having this access to me that he has now. If he had e-mail or I knew where he worked, I would've been there by now and confronted him face to face. I don't have the luxury of being able to confront him. But now I feel like I need to take action, take control of whatever it is, and deal with it finally. This is the thing. I need to deal with some kind of reality. Whether I like it or not. Whether it works in my favor or not. Whatever way it goes. Limbo is hell. Reality is taking the upper hand and facing whatever may be in store. One way or the other, I would know and then know what the real reality is in this situation. I agree. You definitely need to get closure, and to tell him that these 'gifts' are not acceptable. He didn't get the message when you returned the first one, and you can't go on waiting for the next (inevitable) offering. You need to know what's in his mind, and give him a piece of your mind. THEN and only then, can you move on. Link to post Share on other sites
bunset Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 Creative alternatives. My creative alternatives have always been the same. Focus on family, home. Dating again. Its always the same. And it is what has kept me from faltering because I was determined to make a life for myself. I don't know why, even two days later, that I still want to call him. But I think I need closure. I never did get closure. I would've been able to keep on doing what I was doing, but now I need to know what he's up to since he decided to invade my life again. I'm trying to prepare mentally, knowing what I will and will not accept, and what I will and will not do. He doesn't have the control over me that he once had, but he still certainly has all the love I have had and apparently still do. I just know this journey with him is not over as long as he keeps "slipping in the back way" so to speak, without me being able to do anything about it. OK... so far, so good. I definitely understand the closure. Without at least an understanding of what your needs and his needs are.. you may never get one. So, on that note... It just may be that 'the ball is in your court now'. Think it through, write it down (if you haven't already), rehearse. Then it may be what you must do. We'll be here. Link to post Share on other sites
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