Guest Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 I live in AZ, my girl in CA. We've been seeing each other 1 1/2 yrs. The other week she tells me an ex co-worker calls her up and asks her out to lunch. (he likes her) She said no, she has a boyfriend. Two days ago he calls again and she said ok if another friend/coworker goes along. he says ok (obviously) Should I be worried? I trust nothing will happen but I dont understand why she wants to go to lunch with him anyway, she knows I dont like it and she still wants to go? Maybe I am being too cautious, but guys are ruthless and I would like to avoid the situation. It's asking for trouble to go out with someone to lunch even with a coworker when you know he likes you right? anyways maybe you all can shed some light for me, thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 I live in AZ, my girl in CA. We've been seeing each other 1 1/2 yrs. The other week she tells me an ex co-worker calls her up and asks her out to lunch. (he likes her) She said no, she has a boyfriend. Two days ago he calls again and she said ok if another friend/coworker goes along. he says ok (obviously) Should I be worried? I trust nothing will happen but I dont understand why she wants to go to lunch with him anyway, she knows I dont like it and she still wants to go? Maybe I am being too cautious, but guys are ruthless and I would like to avoid the situation. It's asking for trouble to go out with someone to lunch even with a coworker when you know he likes you right? anyways maybe you all can shed some light for me, thanks! anyone???? Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 It's asking for trouble to go out with someone to lunch even with a coworker when you know he likes you right?Yes and it's inappropriate in my world. Link to post Share on other sites
paige367 Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 I think you're ok. She's telling you everything which very good. She could be doing all this behind your back and you'd never be the wiser. Maybe she's going to lunch with this guy and a friend because she wants to keep the peace at work. Or maybe the friend is interested in the guy so she's trying to get him off her case while doing the friend a favor. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 I think you're ok. She's telling you everything which very good. She could be doing all this behind your back and you'd never be the wiser. Maybe she's going to lunch with this guy and a friend because she wants to keep the peace at work. Or maybe the friend is interested in the guy so she's trying to get him off her case while doing the friend a favor. I know she isn't trying to deceive me but she doesn't understand that it's not appropriate. The guy is an ex coworker, she never sees him, and he only calls her to go out. She only asked her friend to go with her to make it ok, but I still don't think it is. I was looking for opinions on if its appropriate. I don't think so but maybe I'm wrong. Am I wrong? or is she acting inappropriately to be in a serious relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. F Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 That's a tricky situation. I understand your point about why would she want to go to lunch with the guy in the first place. Obviously, what is the point in going...especially if he is an EX coworker. Doesn't make much sense. Like Paige367 said, she is telling you about what's going on...which is definitely a good thing. Her wanting to bring a friend is a good thing as well. One thing you should definitely NOT do is get mad about it and accuse her of anything. If you freak out this time, the next time something like this rolls around, she may think twice about telling you, which will start a bad trend in the relationship...which you do not want. I would be straight up with her about how you feel. Tell her the truth that the situation makes you uncomfortable because the guy who wants to take her to lunch sounds like he has an agenda. Hopefully, she will realize your feelings are more important to her than some guy she used to work with. The first step to avoiding trouble in a relationship is by not putting one's self in bad situations (i.e. lunch with someone who is interested in you). Your situation sounds like it could just as easily be innocent as it could be dangerous. One question you should ask yourself is whether or not you would go to lunch with an ex-coworker who was interested in you. Would you tell your girlfriend about it? Would you tell her if you went? Answer those questions and then follow your gut from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 One question you should ask yourself is whether or not you would go to lunch with an ex-coworker who was interested in you. Would you tell your girlfriend about it? Would you tell her if you went? Answer those questions and then follow your gut from there. I would never do it. Because there really isn't a reason to and it's asking for bad things to happen, moreover out of respect for her feelings. She may say it's ok but I think it's kind of a dating rule not to have lunch with people who like you with or without a chaperone. (in my opinion) Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 I don't understqnd this. She first says NO because she has a boyfriend and it would be inappropriate. He asks a second time and she says yes. If it was wrong the first time then why is it acceptable when this guy asks a second time? Link to post Share on other sites
nicki Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 You are a good boyfriend who has an excellent sense of what is appropriate. It sounds like she is like-minded about boundaries, too....maybe just not sure about how to handle a guy who is chasing her, but she doesn't want to be rude, or assume that he is doing that...it's hard sometimes for us women. In a case like this, if I were her, I would not accept the lunch date. To me, the guy sounds interested. She said no, he asked again....hmmm...If I did accept, I'd say something like, "Well, how about my boyfriend, ______, coming? He always wants to meet my coworkers." I used to get asked out by a coworker to go out on his boat. Everytime he asked, I said how much my boyfriend loved boating, and that WE would love to sometime....he finally got the hint, but he asked me to go five or six times first. Sound like you and your girlfriend have a wonderful, honest relationship, and you talk about things...no problem working this out...she obviously cares about how you feel.... so let her know in a calm way that you trust her, just not this dude's intentions, and you don't want her to be put in an uncomfortable situation that he may read more into, and continue to bother her. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 Thanks for all the suggestions! I talked with her today about it and everything is worked out. She had talked to her friend/coworker and then decided it wasnt a good idea knowing he liked her. She is soooo sweet, and just didnt want to be rude I think. Thanks again everyone! I might be back again for other suggestons from neutral parties. Link to post Share on other sites
misslady7 Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 In my opinion, being the fact that you two are in this relationship together and she knows how you feel about these things she should respect your feelings. I think it's wrong that she would go do something that she knows you may not feel comfortable with. I do hope she isn't do anything, just wait and see what happens next, that's the best I can tell you. Good Luck I do wish you guys the best! Link to post Share on other sites
SadGreenEyes Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 Women are the masters of the game She could have mentioned the first lunch offer to see what kind of reaction you might have had. Obviously she didnt like your intital reaction and the next time the offer was presented, she went for it, knowing you wouldnt like it. Be careful - women are extremely tricky and manipulative. She did this once, she'll do it again - why does she care? You live in another state...you'll never know the real truth - only what she tells you Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
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