Gunny376 Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 To the girlfriends ~ they are not your friends!!!! They're part of the problem ~ not part of the solution! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Weemoney Posted June 24, 2006 Author Share Posted June 24, 2006 I do know that in most cases the girlfriends are the endless supply of gasoline. However, I have been talking with her alot and she has been keeping updated, she went through the same situation we are and was in my wifes position, but did not realize the mistake she made untill it was too late. I feel that her friend is being a neutral party while telling my wife that she needs to do what she feels is right, but at the same time she is agreeing with my wife when she makes the comments that she feels that she is making a mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Weemoney Posted June 25, 2006 Author Share Posted June 25, 2006 I went over to see the kids and give her some clothes for them. She was tellin me how she got her hair cut and I told her it looked nice, (not in a seductive or desperate manner). Kissed the kids and asked her how the parade was that she took them to today. A little normal chatting about nothing in specific. Offerd her to go for a bite to eat, did not position it as "dinner" or anything like that just asked "Do you want to grab a bite to eat?", she said no and I replied "Ok, cool." Advised that i need to go because I was a little hungry and was going to grab something for myself and said goodbye. It may be my emotions messin with me, but when I started to walk a way she made direct eye contact with me and it actually looked like she was leaning forward to give me a kiss. I of course did make the eye contact, then smiled and walked out. It killed me but I did not show that and am hoping I am starting to make the first impressions that I am not what she thinking at this moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 Good job. Rember you want to keep control of yourself, and your emotions ~ don't go either direction ~ just happy, self confident, self assured ~ got / getting my act together. If there are any areas of your life that you need to be working on ~ other than your marriage ~ relationshp now is the time to be workling on them and occupying yourself with them ~ any goals or such that you've been putting off. To be honest with you Bro ~ the easiest - quickest and most expeditious thing that you could do her - would be to just dump her - and move on. You would expend about 1/10th of the time, effort, and energy going through the steps with someone new. I know, I know ~ that business about being in love ~ it really works against you in a lot of ways. But, any way ~ back to the task at hand. You need to understand that what you got to do is to get her interested in you again. That is to say you're back to square one ~ the guy that you were the day your meet her. Be that guy! That guy was FUN to be with. That guy wasn't walking around like his wife just left him, took his children and just moved out. That guy was sure of himself, confident, self-assurred, was always making her laugh, busting on her a little bit, wasn't so damn serious all of the time, about everything all of the time, did a little teasing and pleasing. Talked a little smack. That guy always showed her a good time and made her feel good about herself, and about being with you. That's the guys she's looking for ~ not the guy that she ended up being married to. When you get married, you actually marrying three different people ~ the one that you THINK your marrying, the one that your actually marrying, and the person that is going to come about as a result of being married to you. Right now ~ she see the guy that she ended being married to as a result of having been married to her. And you to her ~ understand? She wants the guy that she thought she was marrying. When all is said and done at the end of the day ~ human beings are basically just a higher form of animals, and like any animal when you box them in ~ corale them in ~ they're going to buck like mad to get free. So, no matter what you've got to allow her freedom. You lost your husband "bitchin' rights the day she moved out. (Acutally you never had them!) The romance angle will work to some degree ~ but your not there yet. You've not established rapport with her. You once had it ~ but you've lost it and now you've got to re-establish it ~ thing is once you've had it and lost it ~ you've got to work at least twice as hard ~ twice as long (perhaps more - depending on the individual) to get it back ~ because now you've got mistrust involved. You fooled her once and sold her a bill of goods, she's not going to be played a fool twice so easily. The flowers, cards, letters, and such can actually work against you ~ because you're doing what all the other yahoo's out there have been doing and are still doing. If you've going to do the romance deal ~ (in time ~ not yet) you've got to put some thought into it, its got to be original, its got to be fun, its got to show that you're thinking of her uniquness as an individual woman. 95%+ of all men when picking out a card for their one true love, basically got to WalMart, close their eyes, pull out a card, without even reading it, and then take it home to the wife ~ and say "Ug! Me got woman card! You read!" And, then they wonder, why they don't get a big whooohooo response out of the woman. Case in point. My last long term relationship ~ its Valentines Day. I knew that I had to put some thought into it, I had to think about her uniquness as a woman, and I had to be original, and NOT DO WHAT ALL THE OTHER MEN WERE DOING! Usually Valenitne's Day = Dozen Long Stem Roses delivered to work, a card, and maybe a dinner out. 99.99% of al women? Been there done that! Boring! So I went to the florist ~ and there are all the men placing their orders for their dozen roses. I spied this wicker basket, with a heart shapped handle on the floor, and the I say these heart shaped blinking "XMAS" type lights hanging over the counter, and this small little white teddy bear. I stood in line ~ and when it came time to place my order ~ I told the lady "I want that teddy bear placed in that basket ~ lined holding one red rose in one paw, and a heart shaped ballon in the other, with those blinking heart light wrapped around the handle of the basket, and delivered to Ms X at this address (work) She was a school teacher. And they delivered them to the principals office, and I so blew away the folks at the florist ~ the delivery person insisted upon delivering them to the classroom ~ even though the principals policy was that they were to be delivered to the teacher's lounge. It blew away the receptionist-secretary, who went and got the principal (also a woman) who violated her own policy and let her deliver them to her classroom. The children ooohhh and aweed. All the other teachers came to her classroom and admired and bitched because all their husband's and boyfriends had gotten them was a dozen red roses. She brought them home for Mom, the sister, sister-in-laws, the aunts, the grandmother to see, and they oowwed and awed. For a good six months ~ I could do no wrong! Another time ~ I was out shopping in a drug store, and I spied this stainless steel pill case. Thought nothing of it, and bought it, paid four bucks for it. I bought it for the GF because she has allergies ~ and gave it to her the next time I saw her (by this time we're in a long distance relationship) I got a lot of mileage out of that ~ because I was thinking about her while we miles and miles away, and months and months apart. (It showed her I was thinking about her even though separated by miles and many weeks apart) The romance only works if you "personalize it" You put your personal touch on it ~ and its unique to the individual. Even then it should be used sparsley. And, it shouldn't be about money ~ nor "wham-bam" bigger is not better ~ nor is expensive. Its the little things, with the personal touches. You've got to engage your brain housing group, and put some thought into it. I just mention this ~ because there was an earlier post about it, you're not there yet. In time. Right now, you've got her interest, you've got her attention. And, that's all you got! Dude! No woman wants some sad-sack guy. No woman wants some guy that falls to pieces just because some woman dumped him. She's testing you, and she's going to continue testing you ~ to see if you're the kind of guy that can and will "man-up" and be the kind of man that she wants and needs in her life. She doesn't want an average guy ~ she's wanting the guy that's going to set bounderies, has self respect for himself, has a code of honor for themselves ~ that he won't violate for anyone, let alone a woman. That has confidence in himself. Keep posting. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 It may be my emotions messin with me, but when I started to walk a way she made direct eye contact with me and it actually looked like she was leaning forward to give me a kiss. I of course did make the eye contact, then smiled and walked out. It killed me but I did not show that and am hoping I am starting to make the first impressions that I am not what she thinking at this moment. Remember! You, yourself, and no one else are your own worse enemy in all of this! Your mind will screw with you! Trip you up! You've got to know when and how to shut the f*** up! You've got to get on top of your "game" and you've got to hone your "inner game" to a razor sharp edge. Sounds like you've at least got a handle on it ~ for now. But it also sounds like you almost lost it with the direct eye contact? Need to work on that! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 I do know that in most cases the girlfriends are the endless supply of gasoline. However, I have been talking with her alot and she has been keeping updated, she went through the same situation we are and was in my wifes position, but did not realize the mistake she made untill it was too late. I feel that her friend is being a neutral party while telling my wife that she needs to do what she feels is right, but at the same time she is agreeing with my wife when she makes the comments that she feels that she is making a mistake. Kid yourself not! She's not your friend. Maybe she's been up in the s***, gone through it, been through it, and perhaps has regrets. That works in your favor. But a friend to you ~ she's not! A source of intelliegnce ~ for sure, but you always are going to have to filter it! Listen to what she has to say, and discount 90% of it! Its all fluff and filler ~ and mostly air! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Weemoney Posted June 25, 2006 Author Share Posted June 25, 2006 although it was tempting.....I would not have given in to the potential kiss. She was close enough that all I would have had to do was pucker and I prolly would have made contact. I understand that it would be easier with a new one and I have definatley got the unspoken offers on thet able, however, I dont want it. I said my vows for a reason and that reason is not to just throw in the towel when s*** gets a little thick. I honestly feel better now that I have been playing the minimal contact and no mushy s*** think I will be able to continue it. There are still major mixed signals that I am hearing from her friend and that is why I am going to cut the contact with her as well, 1 because I know that is just the same as contacting my wife and 2 I dont my wife to feel that she no longer has anyone to talk to. Sure I love getting "info" and updates but if it is going to help my situation then I am willing to stop. Her mother, not to any of my doing, is on my side and would do anything for me, which I know is crushing my wife because that is her blood and her side of the fence. I have not been asking anyone to help me, just asking for advice and possibly any hints as to my success or defeat. Thank you again Gunny for the advice you are giving me it is helping a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
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