babalou2u2 Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 I found out 4 months ago that my husband of 10 years was cheating on me. We have a 9 year old boy together and we have been seperated since October 2005. Immediately after our seperation, he came back to me begging for me to forgive him. I decided to give the relationship another try, but still live apart for a while. He moved in with a few roommates in the same business as him (Restuarants). He got an offer to take on a position as General Manager for the same restuarant as his roommates. Since he has accepted the position he has been working 6-7 nights a week. I work days and his restuarant was only open at night, so we rarely saw each other. After several months of suspition, I hired a PI to follow him after work. I begged him numerous times to be honest with me. I could not find out for myself having my son with me all the time. I found out through the PI that he was followed to his newly hired Assistant Manager's house at 1:30 in the morning and he ended staying the night. To this day he is determined to make me believe that nothing happened. He told me that he had too much to drink and she insisted he sleep on the couch. The next morning he called me to give me the good news about his new assistant and that he was sorry he didn't call me, he left his cell phone at work. In the PI Video, his cell phone is on his waist. He later told me that he went over there with the intention of sleeping with her, but she shot him down. He says that since nothing happened, he did nothing wrong. It has been 4 months and to this day he insists nothing ever happened. Of course I don't believe a word of it. It's along the same line as "My dog ate my homework." She is no longer in the picture and he thinks I should put it behind me and move on towards fixing our relationship. What do any of you guys think? Lay it on thick if you feel like it, I need it!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
amplified Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 Leave the baastard...hes blatently lying to you. You deserve respect not to be treated like an idiot. Hes scum you deserve better and you WILL find better if you wake up!!!!! Dont believe his bullshYt Link to post Share on other sites
Author babalou2u2 Posted June 24, 2006 Author Share Posted June 24, 2006 I want to forgive him, but I cannot get the images out of my head. I met her before and suspected that there was an attraction. When I found out it was her I was not surprised but I was extremely hurt, angry and guilty. He had her call me to tell me that nothing happened. They both were attemping to hide it because of there job titles. The day I found out about the affair I confronted him at his restuarant with her there. He kicked me out of his restuarant and banned me from coming back. To this day, I'm not allowed in there. I'm going to a therapist to help me deal with my codependancy and learn how to feel good about myself without him. I pray it works. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. F Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 Hi Babalou, Sorry to hear your troubles. To get right down to it, since he told you that since nothing happened, he didn't do anything wrong, that should raise the flag right there. In this case, intent to cheat is just as good as cheating itself. If you shot a gun at someone but missed, does that mean you didn't do anything wrong? (That was just an example, don't kill or shoot or pretend to shoot anyone!!) I'm sorry to say, but given the history you stated and the BS line he gave you about doing nothing wrong, you need to move on. Ending the relationship is easier said then done, I know. Nevertheless, you have to do it. He isn't going to change...look at what has happened already. If all of that wasn't enough to change him, then nothing will. Save yourself from a lifetime of heartache by getting it over with now. You will he happier and better off for it. You don't need anyone on here telling you this. You already know it. Now all you need is the strength to do it and in time, you will find that strength. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babalou2u2 Posted June 25, 2006 Author Share Posted June 25, 2006 Thanks Mr. F, I have always been very weak when it comes to him. I try to force myself to believe him, but I just cannot do it. I am going to move on starting today. Link to post Share on other sites
harleygirl92156 Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 Ok, I am a little confused. You say you found out he cheated or may have cheated on you 4 months ago, but you have been seperated since Oct. 05. What was the reason for the seperation? Was infidelity a factor in the seperation or were there other issues that lead to the seperation? I guess I am asking if he has been faithful, to your knowledge, up until the incident 4 months ago? Link to post Share on other sites
Author babalou2u2 Posted June 26, 2006 Author Share Posted June 26, 2006 We seperated in October for other reasons. He started playing poker with friends after work and wasn't coming home until 5:30-6:00 in the morning many nights. I used to beg him to come home to his family and he couldn't make any promises. So, I finally got tired of it and my son and I moved into our own place. He didn't think that I would leave and when he realized we were gone, he came back begging for my forgiveness. As far as I know he wasn't cheating. He wasn't showing the signs that he showed when he was cheating but knowing what I know now, who knows? He came back again last night wanting another chance but under his terms. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 Hi Babalou, Sorry to hear your troubles. To get right down to it, since he told you that since nothing happened, he didn't do anything wrong, that should raise the flag right there. In this case, intent to cheat is just as good as cheating itself. If you shot a gun at someone but missed, does that mean you didn't do anything wrong? (That was just an example, don't kill or shoot or pretend to shoot anyone!!) I'm sorry to say, but given the history you stated and the BS line he gave you about doing nothing wrong, you need to move on. Ending the relationship is easier said then done, I know. Nevertheless, you have to do it. He isn't going to change...look at what has happened already. If all of that wasn't enough to change him, then nothing will. Save yourself from a lifetime of heartache by getting it over with now. You will he happier and better off for it. You don't need anyone on here telling you this. You already know it. Now all you need is the strength to do it and in time, you will find that strength. Good luck. I firmly believe that betrayal through emotion is ALOT worse than the actual physical part. I agree with Mr. F. If someone has a significant other, and goes to a motel to have sex with someone else,...and right before they have sex, that someone elses cellphone rings and they have to leave on an emergency,...does that mean no cheating took place? I say it has already,....the second you make a decision to cheat,....well,...that IS cheating. Just because you didnt get the chance, doesnt mean you're being faithful. Link to post Share on other sites
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