What?????

[gooutwithasmile]

Okay, I have been perusing these threads for probably two or three months and you guys seem great. Thought about posting before, but before my problems seemed sort of petty, and they always resolved themselves, so I never did.

 

Anyhow, here goes. I've been dating this girl long distance for a year. Great girl, I love her; it's been the greatest year of my life. Five hour drive, I make the trip at least every other weekend, and sometimes she comes to see me. I go there more, mostly because I still live with my parents, and she has an apartment, so there's more privacy there, plus there is more to do where she lives.

 

Anyways, the last couple of months I have been finishing up some school issues and trying to find a job. The distance was getting hard after a year, so I was looking to shorten that. She seemed very enthusiastic about it at first, talking about how great it would be for us to be able to see each other whenever we wanted, etc.

 

Things were okay until the beginning of June. She suddenly decided that she didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. Not with me, not with anyone. She swears up and down there is no one else, but she IS hanging around a certain male friend more often than she used to (like five days a week), and my intuition is telling me something is going on there, because I know for a fact that he is chasing after her for more than a friendship, but everything in me wants to trust her because she's never given me a reason to distrust her before.

 

She is also acting VERY different from what she used to, even down to the way she talks. She just acts different towards me, she calls me "when she has time," and she never wants to make anything other than idle chit-chat, we used to talk about everything! This is someone I've talked to every day for a year and a half, and spent almost every weekend with...I just don't understand how I could go from being "The best boyfriend in the whole world, sould mate, best friend, yada yada," to the way things are now...something just isn't adding up!

 

She is also going out a lot more. I mean, we both drink socially but now she goes out three or four times a week to bars and the like, sometimes calling me at three am drunk off her rocker. She says things like she didn't have a life when she was with me, but it's not like I didn't want her to be able to hang out with her friends or anything, I don't care about that at all...I like my space and she likes hers, that's always been understood with us, or at least I thought it was.

 

The final lowdown, she doesn't want me to move on and give up on her, or so she says, but she doesn't want to date me right now. She's hanging out with this other guy all the time and says they are just friends, and to me it seems fishy, because he gets really posessive over her for someone who is just a friend, and is over at her apartment hanging out late late at night... but I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt here because I trust her.

 

So I landed this job and now I'm going there in August, whether I get back with her or not because it's really good money and I like the area, regardless of her...but it still hurts really bad because I love her, she's like my best friend in the world and I really want this to work, I just don't know what's going on!

 

I love her, and I would do anything for this to work out...any suggestions, comments, ANYTHING that might help me out? Thanks!

[paige367]

It sounds like she's wanting some freedom. You both seem very young and it's normal to want that. I would talk to her about your feelings. Come clean about everything and then ask if she wants to continue the relationship or not. Perhaps you should talk about taking a break from the relationship or having a more open relationship. You can't keep her if you hold her too close.

[confusedgeek]

Hmmm.... I think Ill chime in here. I don't have the greatest experience here with women. Im still working on my first relationship, and she lives a couple thousand miles away. So, don't expect the greatest advice from my end.

 

But from everything, Ive read in the post. This seems normal, I think. You've been "dating" for over a year. People change over time, at least, in my own experience. Not in a relationship way, but just in general. Old friends of mine arent the same type after a few years pass by. They've grown up a little and gotten experience in life. And it's never the same feeling when we hang out today compared to a few months ago.

 

But everything in your post seems to indicate that shes enjoying having time to herself.

Personally, I dont think there is anything wrong with that. She should enjoy what she is doing.

 

You also seem to give her a lot of space to do whatever she likes. And to me, that seems like what a guy should normally do. Don't crowd her from doing what she likes to do. Kudos for that.

 

But on the other hand, she doesnt want to have a relationship anymore. But you do.

There is a possibility that she is going out with her close guy friend. But you trust her, so its not a problem, right?

 

You've already brought up this up in a conversation, so to me, I don't see another reason to press the issue again. It might just push her to do something you might not like.

 

The only way to answer all your fears is to follow it through.

 

Good luck and hope everything works out well.

 

- ConfusedGeek

[DoneThat]

Take it from someone older and well experienced at relationships.....she is involved with the other guy but doesnt want you to move on in case she needs you to fall back on. Been there, done that I've heard every excuse in the book and infact used a few of them myself. My advice would be for you to move on and make her well aware of the fact that you arent "waiting" on her any longer.....if she wants you...you will know from her actions after you tell her.

 

Best of luck!

[Guest]

sorry to say this, but i also think that there is definately something going on with the "friend" he's not just a friend! it wouldn't be so easy for her to just stop talking to you so often if there wasn't anyone else in the picture... i know you want to trust her, and maybe she hasn't necessarily done anything with him yet, but they are definately not just friends...