Trust and Certainty over Distance...

[seranade_u_silly]

OK. This is my problem... I've been in contact with this girl I know for quite a while now - about 4 months to be exact - we met over the net (she lives in another city) and it started as a friendship but we've gradually built up a romantic relationship after realising that we feel strongly about each other. I recently asked her to be my girlfriend and tolerate the obvious shortcomings.

 

I felt that it would be stupid of us to not be together because it's inconvenient and I felt bad about having other relationships even before I asked and she claimed to have too. Based on that, I thought we should be official since we wanted each other anyway.

 

She agreed.

 

Not much has changed, we communicate via phone, text, instant messaging and webcam and besides the obvious drawback that we cannot physically act upon our emotions, our relationship has been as healthy as it can possibly be. I obviously want to touch her but I can deal with that. My only gripe is the trust issue and the general uncertainty.

 

I sometimes wonder where she is and what she's doing. She's very attractive, socialy active and quite an outgoing young lady and I know that other guys may try to proposition her at the clubs and parties she attends. I also know that I'm helpless to intervene or deter such advances and that should these guys succeed, there would be no way of me knowing unless she told me (which she probably wouldn't if she was doing such things). I also know what alcohol does to girls and if she was to meet an attractive guy at a social whilst drunk, she'd succumb in the absence of her inhibitons and devotion to me.

 

Obviously, I love this girl deeply and at the moment, I cannot go two days without speaking to her. I would never ever cheat on her and I don't even find myself tempted to do so. Sometimes I wonder if she has taken this step as seriously as I or if she's having me on for whatever reason. I don't deny that she likes me as a person but her interest in me is also very much due to my appearance. I don't know which part of me she likes more. I don't know whether or not to believe her when she tells me that she adores me, that she wants me badly.

 

Basically, I'm reaching out and asking what I can do about this trust and uncertainty issue. Honestly, if I were to discover that she was being unfaithful it'd really abate me.

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks guys.

[DoneThat]

My advice........

Trust until she give you reason not too. No sense in getting yourself all worked up over nothing. Keep busy and focus on other things besides your girl. This will help keep your mind from wondering on the "what could she be doing" thing Good luck!

[kgal]

I hear ya Serenade... I met my bf over 2 years ago online. We have been on/off twice since then. I am always wondering where he is or who he is with when I don't hear from him. I don't like to go longer than a day w/out touching base w/him. So far this weekend I have heard nothing and I'm pretty concerned. I do love him and he claims to love me too. He has asked how many men I've been out with, also he's asked if I would ever fess up if I had gone on a date behind his back. He tends to worry about the same stuff when he doesn't hear from me...but long distance 'ships are hard to keep alive. It's a two-party effort! You just HAVE to trust...otherwise someone is going to be overly insecure. I was that way for a while and at times, I have to remind myself that there is nothing I can do about it since I'm not there physically.

 

Four months seems like a pretty short time to me...you may figure more out about this girl the longer you get to know her. It is very possible for an attractive guy or girl to remain faithful... even if you are being "hit" on. Don't quickly assume or jump to conclusions.

 

All you can do is trust and hopefully get to be together in person in the future.

 

Take Care.

[seranade_u_silly]

I'm actuallly visiting her in next weekend so wish me luck and I agree with both of you that I should just trust her. The thing is that she's so naive and vulnerable. The other night she went to a 21st birthday party and got drunk around a whole lot of guys. The next day it came out that her drink was spiked and here I sit, hopelessly in love and helpless. That's another issue entirely but yeah... it gets to me.

[kgal]

Well..just enjoy the time you spend together when you go visit. Don't let her see how insecure you are about the whole thing... play it cool. She'll respect that hopefully .. and want you all to herself.

 

Take Care.