sugarplum Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 How does one stay in a marriage for the kids? I mean emotionally - how do you keep your mouth shut to keep peace and turn off all the hurt feelings, anger, etc. and just deal. I know I have been a post-a-holic on here, but I am a bit of a mess. I have no marriage to speak of. My husband sees no need for us to go out together or spend time together - he is content to sit at home watching ESPN on TV night after night, week after week. We are already raising our own children seperately and differently. On the rare occasion that we have sex, its only about his needs and I just detach and imagine I am somewhere else. My kids are older (13 and 15), I know, too old to be staying for the kids. But I have thought/talked about this long and hard for months. I only earn 1/3 of what my husband does. We live in a middle class neighborhood. I cannot support me and my kids on my salary alone. I would have to move into an apartment in a bad, unsafe neighborhood - I know I check the paper every Sunday for rent prices. My daughter will be an adult in 3 short years. I dont want her last years at home to be in some cramped shack where she can't walk down the street alone. My son has tons of friends on this street and my husband is the only father he's known. He never met but knows about his real father and that he doesn't care to have anything to do with him. I worry about what that will do to him as a young man. And no, I dont have family to help. They are supportive, but all live states away, or have no room for us to stay with them, or have major issues of their own. We also have 5 pets (2 dogs, 3 cats) that we would have to leave behind if I left for an apartment in the rough part of town. (Our pets are our family too - but I know some people dont get that) I have some medical issues and really cant see being physically able to take on a second job. My daughter sees my pain and is so sweet and offers to get a job herself to help pay bills if we leave. I can't put that on her! My friends keep saying "Gee, you really have no place to go..." If I can turn off my feelings, maybe I can stay a few more years. Is this possible do you think? How do I go from being husband and wife, to being roommates, without it driving me crazy? Also, this is my second marriage. I am a loser I guess. I was so broken up about my first divorce (when I was 21) that I did not date again for 5 years. I don't know what a second divorce will do to me. I am afraid to imagine. Am I being ridiculous? Please be kind, I might cry. p.s. I'd love to stay married and have a real relationship with him, but he has no interest and has taken up calling me names, saying F-u or shut up if I voice that I am unhappy. This apparently makes him feel like a man. I have tried counseling twice, but both times he decided it was "stupid" after 3 or 4 visits because they didn't side with him completely and refused to go back. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 We live in a middle class neighborhood. I cannot support me and my kids on my salary alone. I would have to move into an apartment in a bad, unsafe neighborhood - I know I check the paper every Sunday for rent prices. QUOTE] It's called 'child support' hon, and you need to get a good lawyer and learn what your RIGHTS are as a parent. Your children do not have to downgrade their living conditions if your husband is neglectful and hostile towards you. You have grounds for divorce. You do not need to expose your children to this misery any more. Call some lawyers and ask for a free consultation so you can worry less and start moving forward... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sugarplum Posted June 24, 2006 Author Share Posted June 24, 2006 Thanks, but I already said my kids have no contact with their real father, the one who would be obligated to pay child support - not my current husband. Ex is on disability which child support cannot attach to and he is $30,000 in arrears to me. I have been in a legal battle over child support for about 8 years now. I am doing all I can, but CANNOT collect from him due to his disability after an accident. I already know my rights as the parent. I was a single parent for years, like I said. None of which affect my current husband as he is not their father. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts