The need to be "obsessed" or "preoccupied" by something or someone...

[AriaIncognito]

I was wondering, how many of you feel that you need to have something or someone to keep your mind occupied in life? I've noticed that I in particular, seem to need something or someone to focus on, in order to be "happy". However, I'm not sure that it's ever focusing directly on myself (when it probably should be). If I take the something away, I feel lost, which definitely isn't a good thing. So I just wonder, how many of you, feel the need to focus on a hobby, a boyfriend, a job, whatever, in order to feel happy?

 

Is it normal? Abnormal? If it's not normal, how do you get to a place, where you can be happy, without having singular things to focus on?

 

Thanks,

Jennifer

[JDREW311]

I constantly have to be focused on something in order to stay sane. If I sit around and do nothing my mind wonders and I get so down. This started happening a lot after my girl and I broke up. She used to keep my occupied, but now I have to find ways of keeping myself occupied. It sucks to feel this way.

[Tony T]

Normally, when people are so focused or preoccupied with one certain thing in their life to the extent that other things get neglected or are harmed there is some issue they are trying to avoid. Concentrate on one thing, avoid the other.

 

I'd have to talk to you in person to determine if you were truly obsessed, but if that's the case it's only harmful if it's affecting other areas of your life such as supporting yourself, hygiene, health, family, etc. In any case, being tightly focused on one area of life is not healthy because you lose out on some much other stuff.

[AriaIncognito]

No, no "obsession" or "focus" in my life has ever kept me from being successful in life. I'm a very well established person. I own a home, have had a stable job since college, and have friendships which I maintain (though my closest friends are a little distance away so we maintain these over IM/email mostly and only get to see eachother on occassion).

 

I have just noticed a trend in my life. When I lose a boyfriend, I get really sad and depressed and feel like life isn't gonna continue. I am logical, and know in my logic mind, that it of course, will. It always has. I've suffered through loss before, and have come out the other side. I just wondered, if this is "normal" so to speak. Even when I wasn't in a relationship, I'd have things that I'd "focus" on. Be it a crush, or a hobby, or an idea. While they have never kept me from living a normal life, they have made me extremely sad at times, when I've lost those "focus" items.

 

I guess in general, I feel like, I know how to love other things, outwardly, but never really learned how to take that same obsession/passion and throw it into bettering myself. For example, I've always wanted to be more "fit", however I never get "obsessed" witih being fit. Why is it that I can't apply this need to "obsess" onto something that will benefit me (well a relationship will also benefit me, but it requires the attention of another person). I just mean, something I can 100% control.

 

Does this make sense?

 

Jennifer

[Brittanyjean06]

Yes this is very normal. It's life. Your always focused on something and if not an object than a thought or worry. If we weren't focused on something say a movie of some sort, we would get bored, if we didn't like the movie we would go focus on something else such as the computer( love shack.org) It all comes down to bordem and wanting to do something.

 

Sometimes we focus on things to ease the pain of loss, and thats normal for all of us, with or with out loss you are always trying to be focused on something to entertain you. Not abnormal at all !

 

You seem like you are looking to fill a gap through people, instead of focusing on your self! Because you feel lonely and you feel like you need another person to fullfill that emptyness. and thats not abornal either..Unless you go from person to person to person never having any quality time with your self, and there for you get obsessed and cumpulsive over another person because you haven't experience life with out them. It's like when we grow up were used to having friends, and were fine with that...Until we get in too a relationship and enter that we no longer feel like we can go on with out that love.