snowflake02 Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 I seriously have no luck with guys. Even my family and friends tell me so...its making me really depressed. All my friends are in long-term serious relationships or married. While my relationships last on an average of 3 months. My longest boyfriend was during university, we went out for 1.5 years and I loved him so much but he mentally abused me and I almost had a nervous breakdown because I was so stressed and hurt by him. I`ve been out with lots of different guys and I always end up hurt and disappointed. Most of the time I break up with them because I realize that they dont respect me and its not just me who thinks this. My friends and family tell me to get out of the relationship because I can do better than that. I dont have high expectations at all either. I just want to be with someone who I can trust, have fun with and will treat me well. Is that too much to ask? I`m actually in a relationship right now and when I met him I thought he was "the one". He treated me so well and we had so much fun together but then I started to see another side of him. He is so moody and so unreliable. He will say he will do something and not do it. He is irresponsible with money and does sneaky things behind my back. I feel like the guy in the relationship. I dont want to end yet another relationship though so I am trying so hard to make it work. I dont understand why I cant be happy and stable. I am caring, sincere, and not the "party girl type" at all. My friends tell me I can get any guy I want, but there is nobody decent around me..Only players or geeks are attracted to me. I dont understand why i can never be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Amulet Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 The one thing all of these horrible men have in common is you snowflake. You need to make a concious effort to keep yourself away from the men you feel "comfortable" with. We all date with a certain criteria, you need to scrap this one. Join a club, or make some new friends, start going to different places. Get out of your comfort zone and start dating men who make you feel completely different to anything you have experienced in the past. It may be difficult to start with but just really make a concious effort to put yourself out there with a different crowd. I read that when we look back on people we have dated in the past they all seem so similar. It seems as though many women will keep dating the same men over and over again. Common with women and physical abuse. Change your pattern! Link to post Share on other sites
too_nervous Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 i find this really strange reading this thread because i am a guy who cant find a decent women. I AM A DECENT GUY. but i always get to like the wrong kinda girl. thats why im 23 and never had a relationship. its really winds me up when i hear of guys treating women in a hurtfull way. Daniel Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 Only players or geeks are attracted to me. Give geeks a chance. Seriously. They might surprise you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author snowflake02 Posted June 25, 2006 Author Share Posted June 25, 2006 Thanks guys...Yeah its true thats I did end up going out with similar types of guys in the past. Usually the controlling and treats girls like objects type. So recently I have been more careful by trying to get to know that person better before jumping into the relationship. But some things you just dont know until you get into a relationship with them. Usually after about 3 months. My current bf I thought was absolutly wonderful in the beginning, I thought I was going to marry him, but I have found out so many bad things about him that makes me think otherwise now. I know nobody is perfect, but the things that bother me about him are core issues such as trust and respect and he definitely puts his needs before mine. Maybe its just the environment im in. I work for a huge financial firm with a lot of arrogant obnoxious people who are all so materialistic. I seem to attract married guys, players and weirdos. Where are all the decent, normal men??! I would go out with a geek...its just that the ones that are attracted to me are usually weird and stalkerish. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 My current bf I thought was absolutely wonderful in the beginning, I thought I was going to marry him People (men and women) sometimes put on their best performances in the early stages of dating and so it is probably not wise to think of someone as potential marriage material until you know them longer. Also, people (men and women) sometimes don't show their true self publicly or in the beginning stages of a relationship. I'd almost guarantee that some of the men you aren't initially attracted to, would be the love of your life that you are looking for. Pink Amulet wrote "We all date with a certain criteria, you need to scrap this one." and I couldn't agree more. Link to post Share on other sites
j.carsey Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Maybe its just the environment im in. I work for a huge financial firm with a lot of arrogant obnoxious people who are all so materialistic. I seem to attract married guys, players and weirdos. Where are all the decent, normal men??! I don't want to be rude, but I have an intense hatred for some types of financial firms, so keeping in mind my prejudice... Decent, HONEST men do not work at financial institutions. Honest men are unable to take management or other power roles in financial institutions becase people in those positions know that the only way these hyperleveraged, crooked, illegal organizations can keep functioning is through continued crookedness, immoral directions, and theft. For instance if I was looking for down to earth, non-materialistic women I certainly wouldn't start my search at a marketing or wall street firm. So yes your environment does play a role here. I would give the same advice, to break out of this mold by exposing yourself to new friends in new circles. Clubs, organizations, maybe sports groups. Or make friends with strangers in neutral locations (coffee shops, whatever). P.S. players and weirdos tend to bug ALL women, not just you. That's because they're players and weirdos, so don't let that alone bother you. But also don't be too quick to judge somebody new. For instance if a guy approaches you somewhere in public (I do this to women) thid doesn't mean he's a weirdo. He's just looking to meet some new people, and you can't know what kind of person he is until you sit down and actually talk to him. Link to post Share on other sites
j.carsey Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Oh I wanted to suggest this other tidbit... my observation is that many business people are bulls***ters, and this spills over from their professional image into their every day lives. They lie, manipulate, and aren't straight forward or down to earth when dealing with people. I also suspect they don't know how to be happy. Women that I have known through business seemed unable to unwind, relax, and become real people. They refused to become vulnerable human beings on equal footing with others, it was always about manipulating the situation or gaining favor or some other bulls***. I have a gut feeling that many business people, those who are in the business of running business, have to take on traits that are very important in the business world but a disaster for personal loving relationships: honesty, equality, sympathy, empathy On top of that is the extreme greed. For financial firms, everything is about the next quarter's numbers and bonuses... owners, debtors, stakeholders be damned. I wouldn't trust a person who lives and dies by this mantra to prepare breakfast for me, let alone share all my vulnerabilities with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author snowflake02 Posted June 27, 2006 Author Share Posted June 27, 2006 I havent worked anywhere other than big financial firms so Im not sure what the people are like anywhere else. My whole life I`ve been pressured by family and the people around me to work for big name banks or securities firms or some major company so I can make lots of money and meet some rich, successful guy to marry. All my "friends" only date guys who graduated from ivy leagues and who are doctors, lawyers, successful businessman etc. Usually those men have such big egos and just want me as their "trophy", sooo superficious. This guy started chatting me up at the hospital yesterday while I was waiting for my turn to see the doctor. He had that sleezy look though...plus he looked like he was twice my age! and probably married too. (as usual..)Anyways I always think strangers who start talking to me on the street or wherever do it to every girl...so its an automatic no from me. Its quite difficult to meet "real" people... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts