belle2006 Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 I have been married for 9 months . When we go out my husband has made comments to women that I think are inappropriate. One instance was when we went to a nightclub my husband asked the bartender how she was and she replied pretty good. His response is I now you're pretty but are you any good? Another time we were at a dance and he asked me if I knew this particular woman's name that was sitting a table nearby and I replied no. When we are dancing he will frequently look around and notice things about women and make comments on their looks. One girl was wearing low cut jeans and he stared at her the whole time and made the comment she need to wear a belt. He frequently calls women "honey", Dear" or Darling. When there is a pretty woman on TV he will whistle and when I look at him he says he is whistling at me. We had had major arguments and it's affecting my marriage. He says he is a people person and I need to see a shrink ; that I am paranoid. Am I? Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 Paranoid? Hmmm, I don't know but calling his bluff and seeing a marriage/relationship oriented "shrink" by yourself and then together may help both of you get some perspective regarding what is happening. Both genders "look" but when the attention paid to the opposite sex creates problems in the relationship then something needs to change. Was he always like this and were you aware of this when you were dating/engaged? Did you think marrying him would change him? Link to post Share on other sites
Lennox Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 I have been married for 9 months . When we go out my husband has made comments to women that I think are inappropriate. One instance was when we went to a nightclub my husband asked the bartender how she was and she replied pretty good. His response is I now you're pretty but are you any good? Another time we were at a dance and he asked me if I knew this particular woman's name that was sitting a table nearby and I replied no. When we are dancing he will frequently look around and notice things about women and make comments on their looks. One girl was wearing low cut jeans and he stared at her the whole time and made the comment she need to wear a belt. He frequently calls women "honey", Dear" or Darling. When there is a pretty woman on TV he will whistle and when I look at him he says he is whistling at me. We had had major arguments and it's affecting my marriage. He says he is a people person and I need to see a shrink ; that I am paranoid. Am I? Paranoid? Of what? Talk about deflecting blame from the real issue! Does your husband wear open disco shirts down to his belly and big gold necklaces too? Guys will look, but what he's doing is going overboard. A smart guy will keep that sort of thing to himself if he knows it's bothering his wife. He's behaving like a pig and expecting you to tolerate it. Something has to happen here, either he gets therapy to deal with his piggishness and objectification of women, or you just accept his behavior, or it becomes too much for you to deal with and you leave him. It comes down to the fact that he doesn't respect you at all. I'd sure like to hear his side of the story and his excuses! *hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
933KJL Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 HE is testing the waters Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 It is mighty tough to teach an old dog how to be classy! I think it is disrespectful for him to act on how he feels knowing full well that it is concerning to you. It shows he is immature, disrespectful, willing to be inappropriate and doesn't have any class! I would be seriously considering why I would choose this in a hubby... Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 Was he like this before you married him? If so, then he's just an a**h***. If he has recently become like this and was never like this when you dated, then I would worry. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Amulet Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 Urrgghh, the least desirable of our male traits. I am sorry to hear you are in this situation. I agree with Blind Otter, was he always like this or is this new? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 For me, it is one thing to appreciate a beautiful person, whether male or female, but to react in such a manner is inappropriate... While I was married, I would often times say to my husband - check out the gal in the corner - she's very attractive... but only knowing his reaction to looking AND responding would be an acknowledgement in a respectful way... Link to post Share on other sites
lostinyouth Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 I don't need to know what he was like... People change. His behavior is that of a womanizer. To answer your question, no you are not paranoid. I had a song come to mind as I was reading your post, "I only Have eye's for you". A true love song. My opinion, you should limit your activities to something were he has no choice but to focus his attention on you. Remind him why he married you and not some fluzy, bubble headed flirt. If tv is the problem cut it off, clubs don't go. There is more to life then that. Marriage is a commitment, with healthy communication and honesty you can work through this chapter in your life before something happens to give you a reason to be paranoid. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 I think you should tell him that behavior greatly offends you. Ask him if he would like it if you starting coming on to other men? If he doesn't stop after that suggest counseling and if he disagrees with that, you have a hard road ahead of you. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author belle2006 Posted June 28, 2006 Author Share Posted June 28, 2006 Thank you for your insight. I feel much better about myself but not our marriage; although we have decided to seek counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
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