finding my answers lead to new questions (FWB)

[AurorasStar]

So I attempted to talk to my 'FWB' about his disappearing act. The conversation was short and a bit sarcastic (as we always dance around the bush when it comes to this issue like we're in children). When I asked him to come over to my new place to help me move some heavy furniture he joked that he didn't think I wanted him 'that' way anymore. Sensing his tension when he first came over I offered him a beer and I made myself a drink. We sat down and talked a bit about life because we hadn't seen one another in a few weeks. I started talking about why when we were interrupted by a lightbulb burning out. We got up to change it and I tripped spilling my water bottle all over me. He caught me from falling on my face and that's when the talking ended and the booty call began.

 

Sigh... my chance to tell him how I felt ended great, just thought I'd be able to get my feelings out there for him. I ended up writing a letter to him about how I felt but think I should tell him face-to-face how I feel. It was theraputic to write it all but for some reason I'm totally against sending it. We've talked twice since that night last week but nothing serious- just a 'hey how's it going' type of chat.

 

I know he is kind of smitten with another girl who's living far away for the moment but she will be back in town in 6 weeks.

 

In my head the only thing that really makes sense, if I remove myself from the situation, is to try and tell him how I feel but stress the importance of our friendship. Put the ball in his court and see what happens. I found out that I care for him a lot. I think I knew the day I sent him a text that said 'thanks for falling for me.' and he replied 'thanks for falling back.' However minor it's the closest we've ever come to talking about feelings. That was in early May.

 

I guess my question(s):

Should I cut off the physical aspect of our relationship and just be friends?

Should I step up my game and 'win' his heart before she returns?

Should I send the letter?

If I tell him face to face do I do it in a public place (resturant, bar, park, etc) or somewhere more private? If so, how do you bring up the subject? Just say 'hey- remember that time you said you were falling for me-- yeah, where are your feelings on that now because I need to be caught before I fall any further.'?

[blind_otter]

This is a clear illustration of why FWB situations rarely work. Because one or the other falls for their f*** buddy, almost always when their FWB gets interested in some other person that they don't have "no strings sex" with.

 

Make an appointment with him. In a place where he won't accidentally fall into your vagina, or your vagina accidentally onto his penis. This is usually a public place that provides some privacy, like a restaurant with booths, or a park. You don't start the conversation with chit chat or casual blah de blahs. Just start right it, I need to talk to you about something serious. Then go from there. Allow him to digest the information and don't demand an immediate response. Give him space to figure out what and how he wants to say it to you.

 

Letters are pretty weak, IMO, unless you are the type who cannot handle the face to face confrontation. But seeing as how you guys have been bumping uglies, I don't see how a frank conversation is any less revealing....unless you have issues with emotional intimacy, like me, and you tend to run for the hills when anyone wants to have a serious LTR with you.

[vi_pn_babe25]

I suggest you talk to him now about it or else you'll end up like me a year later with really nothing to show of the "relationship", not to mention confused and hurt.

 

So save yourself now girl!

[Mary3]

So I attempted to talk to my 'FWB' about his disappearing act. The conversation was short and a bit sarcastic (as we always dance around the bush when it comes to this issue like we're in children). When I asked him to come over to my new place to help me move some heavy furniture he joked that he didn't think I wanted him 'that' way anymore. Sensing his tension when he first came over I offered him a beer and I made myself a drink. We sat down and talked a bit about life because we hadn't seen one another in a few weeks. I started talking about why when we were interrupted by a lightbulb burning out. We got up to change it and I tripped spilling my water bottle all over me. He caught me from falling on my face and that's when the talking ended and the booty call began.

 

Sigh... my chance to tell him how I felt ended great, just thought I'd be able to get my feelings out there for him. I ended up writing a letter to him about how I felt but think I should tell him face-to-face how I feel. It was theraputic to write it all but for some reason I'm totally against sending it. We've talked twice since that night last week but nothing serious- just a 'hey how's it going' type of chat.

 

I know he is kind of smitten with another girl who's living far away for the moment but she will be back in town in 6 weeks.

 

In my head the only thing that really makes sense, if I remove myself from the situation, is to try and tell him how I feel but stress the importance of our friendship. Put the ball in his court and see what happens. I found out that I care for him a lot. I think I knew the day I sent him a text that said 'thanks for falling for me.' and he replied 'thanks for falling back.' However minor it's the closest we've ever come to talking about feelings. That was in early May.

 

I guess my question(s):

Should I cut off the physical aspect of our relationship and just be friends? YES

Should I step up my game and 'win' his heart before she returns? No waste of your time

Should I send the letter? No.

If I tell him face to face do I do it in a public place (resturant, bar, park, etc) or somewhere more private? It does not matter where you tell him If so, how do you bring up the subject?He was getting S E X . Its pretty easy to figure out . Cut off the booty. Don't wonder why he does not feel anything. He only felt the sex. Just say 'hey- remember that time you said you were falling for me-- yeah, where are your feelings on that now because I need to be caught before I fall any further.'?

 

FWB's rarely work out into long term serious relationships.