Guest Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 The past 48 hours have been gut wrenching. She is pissed as hell that I have thrown down the gauntlet.....woo! She said I'm just trying to make her do something I want her to do and I told her that I'm giving her a choice. This is the toughest thing I have ever done. My first divorce was a relief, this break up is awful. You're doing awesome. Just know that whatever comes of this you did the right thing. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
jmars Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 She might be pissed, but really, what right has she? She has full freedom to step over that no-other-men line that you've drawn. And you have full right to take your effort at that point, and direct it...elsewhere. Heck, some other woman might actually appreciate that effort. And there are always hobbies, work, etc. that YOU could be enriching your life with. She's sounds like she's the one that is acting the petty dictator and expecting you to go above and beyond the call while she essentailly gets to do whatever tickles her fancy. Anyway, I'm sure it's just a hissy-fit. I almost had one today with mine, as she came over and we wenting swimming with the kids. It was shame on me though, as I was talking about my weight and the 10 lbs I lost over the passed month -- not a great amount unless you're 145 lbs to begin with -- and how crappy I was looking. Anyway, she basically agreed with me but added that once I put those 10 lbs back on I wouldn't look so "conclave". I take alot of pride in my build, and that word has always been "incentive", so I was ready to get my verbal dukes about it. I bit my tongue fast enough of course. Just feeling alittle hissy was all it was. It' s been really HOT where I live lately. And I've had the kid for the past 5 days straight! Sorry for the babble. Link to post Share on other sites
Author attheready Posted June 28, 2006 Author Share Posted June 28, 2006 Well, here's a funny......She has NEVER called me in the morning since she left, now she has called me 2 days in a row...7:30 both times...weird Both times sounded very upset and freaked out by the fact that her feet are to the fire......I just ask how she's doing and I'm sorry that she can't sleep/eat and that I still can't see or be with her as long as she is seeing him,period. Today I asked when we can sit down and fill out the divorce papers so, I can get them filed and get happy. DEad silence then< " I have to get ready for wrk, I can't think about that right now". I said "Have a great day and let me know so we can get on with life bye!" Link to post Share on other sites
Author attheready Posted June 29, 2006 Author Share Posted June 29, 2006 I think I should mention this.....the woman suffers from Manic episodes...not enough to qualify for bi-polar status but, manic none the less. Maybe I'm making excuses for her to protect myself but...I have to bear this in mind when dealing with her. Since I know she is prone to impulsive behavior, I am still practicing great patience. This does not mean that I will cave on my demands......Thanks Gang:D !!! Your support means soooooo much...BTW my name is Greg Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 Has she been dignosed? I am just wondering because maybe her actions and how odd she's been acting has something to do with her letting herself fall for someone else. I don't know. Nice to meet you Greg, sorry it has to be under these circumstances... Stay strong! Link to post Share on other sites
Author attheready Posted June 29, 2006 Author Share Posted June 29, 2006 Yes she has been diagnosed. Meds don't really help, they have all cause insomnia and gidders. So, now she is prone to impulsive behaviors. ie leaving me for no real reason, hooking up with someone she has nothing in common with and bouncing back and forth between him and me. She called again last night, depressed and crying. All I can do is listen and try to be understanding. I'm not backing away from my position and I made that clear. This would be alot easier if her impulsiveness made her buy shoes or something LOL. Every time my cell phone rings or my text message alert goes off, my heart jumps and I have this flash fantacy that it's her and she's going to tell me it's all been a huge mistake and that she wants to come home....UGH! Link to post Share on other sites
jmars Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 Hey Greg! My names Jay. I'm glad to hear you're standing strong and resolute. I just had a doozey dropped on me last night. My son had stayed at his mom's the night previously, and he told me that she had had a guy at her place that evening. He didn't stay long, and they sat at opposite ends of the couch with the kid between them. So, that was fine. She has always being a very outgoing person, and she's allowed to have friends of course. However, as my son and I were out for a walk a little while after he informed of the above, he was like, "oh yeah, mom hugged the guy". My blood-boiled. Especially after the advice I was giving here! So I called her when we got home. She had a bit of money coming her way, and there had been some problems, but I straightened them out. So the first order of business was getting themoney issue out of the way. I told her to rest assured that she was getting her cash, all of it, up front and not in portions or anything. With that dealt with, I asked, calmly, who this guy was and what the hell she was doing hugging him. I said that hugging is more-or-less what passes for sex between her and I these days. And then gave the entire "I've bent over backwards to make this separtion as easy as can be for you" speel" and then went into how I've bent over backwards to make the separation easier on her, and then the promises we've made to each other. She assured me that he is just a friend, one of the delivering guys from her work, and that he is not any kind of competition. The hug was just a friendly pat on the back, a thank you type hug, as he is going to be using his truck to move the last of her things over to her place in the next few days. As the kids were right there when "it" went down, I believed her, but nevertheless expressed that any lying at this point would be HIGHLY counter-productive, ie. would turn 110% of this nice guy into a 110% fricking a-hole, and asked her to not do that again. She was very humble during that conversation..... even though she's been a bit of a testy bitch for the past few days. Anyway, stick to your guns, mate! I'm manning the battlements here myself. Hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst. Somehow I think both you and I will come out ahead in the end, no matter how things go with our significant others. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 I'm wondering if you can commit her to the hospital, let them do a full assessment. Or atleast she can start to see a therapist?? No matter what the outcome is, she does need professional help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author attheready Posted June 30, 2006 Author Share Posted June 30, 2006 No matter now..............She picked him............Life is what happens, after you make plans...........thanks to allI'm gonna go suck my thumb, LOL Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 30, 2006 Share Posted June 30, 2006 No matter now..............She picked him............ She's a fool...... That really is awful. Sorry that you're sad. Get a blanky instead, you don't want your teeth to become buckteeth from thumb suckin'... Link to post Share on other sites
foolishinobi Posted June 30, 2006 Share Posted June 30, 2006 Well, there is no other way for you now than to just get on with your life.. And if you want her back.. try your best to improve yourself.. make her feel that she made a mistake choosing him.. juz remember.. no one else could love her more than you do and for that reason she already lost a gem.. (read it from my friend's blog) you got a child.. concentrate more on your child.. that would be the best way to do.. Link to post Share on other sites
piminto Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 Your nuts.Get a life dude.The world is filled with women dying to get to a man who wants a soul mate. Keep messin' with that one and I guarantee you'll miss the right one. Your soul mate will give you the same awsome connection , sex , feelings of validation, the works. Go find her...she's lookin' for you too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author attheready Posted July 5, 2006 Author Share Posted July 5, 2006 Your nuts.Get a life dude.The world is filled with women dying to get to a man who wants a soul mate. Keep messin' with that one and I guarantee you'll miss the right one. Your soul mate will give you the same awsome connection , sex , feelings of validation, the works. Go find her...she's lookin' for you too. All I want to do now is focus on myself and recreate the happy passionate guy that existed during our first separation. I got real comfortable with being alone and want to get back there. After 2 failed marriages and 2 tries at the second one, I don't see much point in tossing my heart out there to get clobbered again. This weekend, I had several friends and family members say, " You know Greg, she'll be back." I told them that if that were true, then it was her problem and that she would just end up leaving again so, I'm not inclined to relive the past 9 months of hell again in 3,4 or 5 more years. I put in my 14 years, never cheated, supported her decisions, treated her with tenderness and affection. Like the song says " Love lies bleeding in my hands". Relationships all end crappy, either someone dies or someone leaves. She left and a part of me now feels dead....I don't think I want to revive it....with her or at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author attheready Posted July 9, 2006 Author Share Posted July 9, 2006 WTF!!!??? Now she's IM'ing me being all nice and concerned. "how are you?" , "how was your road trip?" ect... I just said OK. More "nice" crap followed .... I asked her why she was doing this...what would HE think of her contacting me like this....why did she really care since, she had made her decision of wanting him and not me? " I still care about you and don't want to lose my best friend." ?????????? LOSE how about tossed your best friend for a guy you have nothing in common with( I didn't say that, I just thought it LOL) I basically told her that soon we would need not have any concern for eachothers welfare because we will soon be divorced. I guess some people have trouble living with their choices....too bad. Link to post Share on other sites
AriaIncognito Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Attheready, I admire your strength. I wish I could be to the anger stage as you seem to be :-) It's working well for you. Keep it up, you deserve much more than she'd ever have given you. We're all here. Jennifer Link to post Share on other sites
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