stronggirl Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 Has anyone ever had someone break up with them by saying "I love you. I am just not in love. Meaning I care for you and for what happens to you, but it is that chemistry between us that I no longer feel" but then, after time, realize that what you did have was real love and come back? I am not necessarily hoping for this or holding my breath at all, but am curious if it has ever happened to anyone. Telling someone you are not IN love with them seems pretty final to me. It's just that I feel like we certainly had the "I-Want-To-Be-With-You" type of love, and not just the "I-Care-About-You" type of love, and maybe the change/progression in the relationship, from us both getting physically sick the previous month before the breakup, to the end of the "honeymoon" to work through, made it all cloudy for him? I know he wanted to be with me, because we spent a little time nearly everyday together, many tims instigated by him........ Loss of chemistry. It happens i guess, even when you would least expect it. I'll get through it, but i still have a lot of questions in my mind to work through...... Link to post Share on other sites
attheready Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 I got the same thing in this most recent break up with my wife. But the last time we spent time together, she looked me dead in the eyes and said " I love you" ........I'm confused as hell about it. Link to post Share on other sites
GW7147 Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 Stronggirl, I can sympathize with how you feel. My ex and I went to Cancun in April. We were together for a total of 6 months. During our trip, she said to me "I Really love you". She was so sincere and genuine. Two days after that, she gave me an Easter card saying her life has been blissful since she's met me and she was looking forward to all of our future times together. Two days after that, she needed to be on her own!! She told me "I don't share the same feelings that you have for me". My jaw just about hit the ground. I have a difficult time believing she could feel one way (or so she said) and then four days later, say she didn't share the same feelings. It boils down to "I love you but, I'm not in love." I still don't know if she was trying to be spiteful after I didn't put up much of a fight to get her to stay. We exchanged about 4 emails after that and I've not spoken to her or heard from her in the past 7-8 weeks. I've adhered to strict NC. So, sorry to say, in my situation, it doesn't appear as if she has any intentions of changing her mind or she's having second thoughts about her decision. I've done a lot of thinking about or relationship/break-up. I've come to the realization that it was rather one-sided most of the times. She took me away for the weekend of my birthday in March. On the night before my birthday, we went out to dinner, she drank too much. The following day (my birthday), she was hungover. She stayed in bed until 7 p.m. and the only time she got up was when she had to get sick!! When we had our break-up "talk", she said "I didn't have a good time the weekend of your birthday" (she wasn't refering to being hungover). At the time, I was more concerned with her wellbeing. Now, I think..I didn't have much of a birthday thanks to her. She never said sorry for me having to sit in a dark hotel room while she puked all over the place (Happy Birthday to me!!). I was never big on celebrating my birthday but I wished we could have spent the day doing something other than sitting in a hotel room. I guess what really bugged me is she didn't care how I felt. It seems it just didn't matter to her, what kind of weekend I had. Sorry, I guess I'm ranting... I guess the point I'm trying to make is..My ex hasn't had second thoughts, at least not yet. I think she's a little to self-absorbed for her to ever think that way. And if she did, she would have ALOT of explaining to do to win me over and consider going back out with her. I still sit and think about things on occasion but, I'm doing pretty well considering how upset I was at first. It's difficult to let things go but I think we sit and run different scenarios in our minds and wonder what the other person is doing or thinking. Maybe One day, we'll get some answers to our questions. I wish you the best!! Best Regards, GW Link to post Share on other sites
jmars Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 Hey! I recently got the same line from my wife of 8 years, 2 kids, and one half-paid mortgage. I couldn't help but wonder what the heck that was supposed to mean after 8 years together. I mean, I've been looking at her daily for the last EIGHT YEARS, it's not like I'm all starry eyed or catch my breath every time I see her anymore myself. But I am dedicated. THAT is love in my book. Passion comes and goes, like the ocean tide. However, I know that one thing that has contributed to her feelings is simply TOO MUCH TIME spent together, and not enough freedom to do things seperately, as individuals. That was a tough pill for me to swallow. So, now that she has had that freedom for more or less two months now, things are moving forward. Very slowly and uncertainly to be sure, but with me backing off, she has actually instigated contact, asking me over to her new place or to go out shopping or whatever with her a couple of times. It still seems to go from one way to the other from day to day. Moody, moody. And I don't really know that things will go my way in the end, but sometimes time and space are the best remedys... regardless of how it might go in the end. Good luck with your "predicament" stronggirl! Link to post Share on other sites
Diver012 Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 It seems like there are to many people in todays society that are chasing Passion and Romance, and not interested in Commitment. Link to post Share on other sites
BUTAFLY Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 The dreaded 'I love you but not in love w/you.' I thought that was only in the movies people said that until it happen to me. WTF? I couldn't believe those words came out of his mouth. But after saying that he is still around, still calls, ect... Talk about mix signals. I think that phrase is very final....I don't see how there could be any type of relationship after that. Link to post Share on other sites
rkman Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 Unfrotunately it takes some time for people to realize that love is much more than just a feeling. "If you want to feel love, choose to love and be patient." Link to post Share on other sites
Author stronggirl Posted June 26, 2006 Author Share Posted June 26, 2006 "If you want to feel love, choose to love and be patient." who is that a quote by? it is very true. i am not saying that anyone could be with anyone, but i think when you HAVE had that spark, there is something there, but then it is just how to tend to it that determines where things go....... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 That line is old and tired. It's used by people who have overlyromantic and unrealistic expectations of what love and marriage are all about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stronggirl Posted June 27, 2006 Author Share Posted June 27, 2006 That line is old and tired. It's used by people who have overlyromantic and unrealistic expectations of what love and marriage are all about. thanks, i agree, and that's what i needed to hear. it's ok, he's going to regret it later down the line, if he doesn't already. Link to post Share on other sites
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