sweethoneybee Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 I am a black woman who is deeply in love with a white man. The feeling is mutual and the relationship is advancing to the next level. My family has never had a problem with anything interracial, especially since our background is of mixed race. However, my friend's situation is not the same, and someone close to him is opposed to interracial marriage. He is torn between his love for me and his love for them. I would never want him to turn his back on either or have to choose between one or the other. I know the decision has to be his. What can I do to help him? Any advice at all would be most appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 You had it right the first time. The decision has to be his. I guess all you can do is quietly let him make his own decision and hope it's the best one for both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweethoneybee Posted June 26, 2006 Author Share Posted June 26, 2006 I just feel helpless, and even more sad for him and what he has to go through. My love for him is deep. I've never met anyone like him before. We've both been through so much before finding each other. We make each other happy and can spend hours talking about anything and everything. I feel he is my soulmate. He feels the same. It's easy for me to say that I believe our love will prevail because that's what I hope and pray will happen. I just wish I could make it easier for him. Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 I have started a relationship as yours it is not as far along as yours but hopefully it will be. I am not sure if evryone on my family will approve but I have waited a long time to meet someone like him. It is up to him to let his family know just how important you are to him, MY best wishes go out to you and him as well, it may take some work to turn the difficult family memeber around. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Buttaflyy Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 The only thing that you can do is express what you feel for him; to him. If he feels the same about you, no one should come in the way. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 Be supportive of him. Ask him what qualities this other person would like to see in his 'mate'. Perhaps if you can highlight those qualities in yourself the other person will be more accepting when they see how much the two of you love each other. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't. Ask him what you can do as a person to help ease the tension. If this person is someone important in his life then you definately don't want to force him to make a choice - that will hurt everyone involved. Show that you are proud of who you are, not what you are - and that you are proud of your family for who they are too. Make sure that his family knows that you not only respect, but are happy that they are proud of who they are too. If they have an issue with race - keep it their issue. Sometimes it just takes a long time. Be patient. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweethoneybee Posted June 26, 2006 Author Share Posted June 26, 2006 I appreciate the advice everyone. It helps. I talked to him about it and expressed everything as you all have suggested. He has been through a lot in his life lately and I feel that he doesn't need this. I also know that he needs love and I know that what we have is good for both of us. I believe we will be able to withstand whatever comes if we continue to strenghten what we have so far. Thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 I think also it's good that he is talking to you about it instead of keeping it to hisself. This has to make you closer to each other. I also think like HokeyReligions said also be patient because maybe his family will get to know you and realize what a lovely person you are and can eventually look past your race. I don't feel however that you should have to "bough down" to them. I agree that it is definitely his decision to make but as for me if I love someone nothing my family said would make a difference. If they love me they have to respect my decision as to who I want to love. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 I'm sorry for your delima, this is a toughy! Just hang in there and be supportive (said above), everything will eventually work out for the best. TRUST ME! By the way, the person who doesnt believe in interracial relationships is what to him? Family or friend? Link to post Share on other sites
tweett70 Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 He will have to decide who is more important to him. If he loves you, and he is a grown man, he will not let this other person stand in his way of being happy. If he can't make a decision without this other person interfering in the relationship, then you may want to cool the relationship down for a while to let him see what he really feels. There is really nothing that you can do to change the situation, your boyfriend has to be an adult and work this out for himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweethoneybee Posted June 28, 2006 Author Share Posted June 28, 2006 The person he is having the conflict with is most of his relatives, but more particularly, his dad. He has expressed to me that he has never understood his family's way of thinking. And right now, because of his dad's health and other family delimmas, he's having to live with his dad. His mom has recently passed away. He said that if she knew that we were in love she would have been supportive of us. If it weren't for him having to be around his dad right now, there would be nothing standing in the way. Link to post Share on other sites
Buttaflyy Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 The person he is having the conflict with is most of his relatives, but more particularly, his dad. He has expressed to me that he has never understood his family's way of thinking. And right now, because of his dad's health and other family delimmas, he's having to live with his dad. His mom has recently passed away. He said that if she knew that we were in love she would have been supportive of us. If it weren't for him having to be around his dad right now, there would be nothing standing in the way. If I were you, I'd stay away from his dad. He can keep his biggot thoughts to himself. I went through something similar before, but it wasn't such a big issue with me because I understand that ignorant, negative people can not affect me as long as I don't let them. My ex's family who is puerto rican made comments about black people all the time in my presence.They actually didn't think that I would be offended because they saw me as an "exception" to their stupid stereotypes (WTF?) I would set them straight and that would be that. Sometimes I had to distance myself from them when they really hit my nerves. I felt sorry for them because they were so ignorant and stupid. Now, we get along just fine. And I'd like to say that I've opened their minds to alot about different cultures. I don't expect that this would be your case, but I just want you to realize that if you don't make it an issue between the two of you (you and your SO) then it won't be. Ignore the rest of them. You don't have to have a relationship with them. He doesn't have to choose between any of you either. Since he lives with his dad, he should respect his fathers rules of the house but when it comes to you, you two have your own relationship. I wouldn't want to go around there anyways. Hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweethoneybee Posted June 29, 2006 Author Share Posted June 29, 2006 I never thought of it that way. It does help. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts