Wondering?

[Lost4Words]

It's been over 3 months now that my G/F and I have broken up and I could say it really sucks. I have never felt so lonely or heart broken ever in my life. It seems like everthing that mattered to me in my life means NA-DA right now. I tried my best to make her happy that I lost sight in what made me happy. I knew in my heart that this was the one. But somehow with the time apart I feel quite differently. We spoke about our break up a couple of days ago and she says that she doesn't want to get back together because she has too many things on her mind right now. Her time is too scarce and a relationship wouldn't work at this point. I respect that but if you truly loved someone wouldn't there always be time even though there is so little to give? Right now she gives majority of her time to her new friends she met at her new job. I know that because she tells me everything when she calls ( I refuse to call her!). Is that selfish or what. I might be overreacting but her attitude tells me different. Anyway I want to send her a letter with what I have to say about this whole thing. It just hurts too much to love someone when you feel they're not there! I need some help on this one! Thanks!

[Third Wheel]

I've been there my friend, but unfortunately, this is one that you just have to let go. The pain of talking to her will be too much to go through, and you need to move on. I'm guessing that the breakup was her choice, which makes it seem a little unfair for her to keep calling you -- at least for now.

 

It always takes time to get over someone you love -- it took me a year in one case -- but the truth is that getting over someone doesn't start until all contact is broken. I know you want to write the letter, but I would write it ONLY if you make it a goodbye letter and not one where you want a response. The reason? You will be setting yourself up for agony if you pour your heart into the letter, and you will lie in wait for her response -- wondering how she felt when she read those words, etc. It's obvious she is not ready for something now, so if you write anything, make it a goodbye, and not the beginning of a conversation that can only lead to more heartache.

 

It's been over 3 months now that my G/F and I have broken up and I could say it really sucks. I have never felt so lonely or heart broken ever in my life. It seems like everthing that mattered to me in my life means NA-DA right now. I tried my best to make her happy that I lost sight in what made me happy. I knew in my heart that this was the one. But somehow with the time apart I feel quite differently. We spoke about our break up a couple of days ago and she says that she doesn't want to get back together because she has too many things on her mind right now. Her time is too scarce and a relationship wouldn't work at this point. I respect that but if you truly loved someone wouldn't there always be time even though there is so little to give? Right now she gives majority of her time to her new friends she met at her new job. I know that because she tells me everything when she calls ( I refuse to call her!). Is that selfish or what. I might be overreacting but her attitude tells me different. Anyway I want to send her a letter with what I have to say about this whole thing. It just hurts too much to love someone when you feel they're not there! I need some help on this one! Thanks!

[Laurynn]

First off, I have to tell you...I have little respect for people who break up with someone, knowing full well how much that's going to devastate them..they then make it clear that they don't want to get back together, but they continue to keep contact with them. That's rude, hurtful, inconsiderate and selfish. Of course you know, I'm referring to her.

 

She has no business calling you to tell you about her new job or new friends. Good for her, here's a quarter, call someone who cares. She obviously knows that you still have deep feelings for her, and for her to call you up to give updates on how great her life is going, that's a really bitchy thing to do.

 

My advice is this: don't take any more of her phone calls. None, nada, zip. Get yourself an answering machine or caller ID and screen your calls. And if she leaves a message, do not return it. This isn't a 'revenge' thing...this is about maintaining some dignity and not letting someone further rip out your heart. She sounds like a childish little game-player and you don't need someone like that in your life.

 

Don't write her a letter telling her how you feel. Don't give her the satisfaction of thinking that you give a damn. You know how you feel, that's all that counts. If for some reason down the line, she suddenly decides she wants to get back together with you, rest assured she'll find a way to let you know this. But don't sit around putting your life on hold, waiting by the phone, hoping this will happen. From this point on, start making some changes. Keep busy, get in touch with old friends, make new friends, hang out with your current friends. Get into a hobby or sport. Spend more time visiting family. Go get some good books. KEEP BUSY.

 

She's got the best of both worlds right now....she's free/single, has all these new friends, this fancy new job....she think she's the cat's a** (no offense to cats)....and then she has you to run to, to tell all her great stories of happiness and good fortune to. Pfffft. Let her find someone else to brag it up to. When she sees that you've 'moved on', she'll either get the hint that your life doesn't revolve around her, or she'll stop and realize how she really feels about you (whether she still has feelings for you, deep down inside). But regardless, you move on with your life, as tough as that seems. You've got self respect, dignity, pride and a lot to offer the world. From this point on, you don't have time for insensitive, selfish, immature people.

 

Laurynn