Controlling Mother-In-Laws...Any solution

[hillaryhof]

I have been married to my husband for 4 years. My husband is from Austria and I am from America. I am African American and he is Caucasian. As you all can probably imagine there are many cultural differences among the both of us but we like to think that love conquers all.

 

When we first got together we had extreme language barriers (especially between myself and his family) I often thought that his family's seemingly cold ways were attributed to the fact that we could not really effectively communicate.

 

After having a complete family blow-out between (husband/his parents) when they found out we were going to be married I moved to Austria. After the wedding I wanted to begin doing some of the duties like banking, cooking and cleaning as I became pregnant and staying at home during this time. My mother in law who is also a teller at the local bank refused to turn over my husbands account info. She would come into our home and clean up when we were gone. She would also bring my husband food after I could cooked in the evening.

 

After I had our daughter the situation seemed to worsen as she was then always giving me advise and what worse; is when I didn't take it or blew it off; she would cry and tell my husband that I was mean to her. After being fed up with living in a town of 600 and my in-laws we relocated to the United States. I just recently gave birth to my son which she was upset about us having. She is planning his Christening during their visit in September. She asked my husband to bring me a hand-me-down christening outfit from our nephew. I screamed no thank you and she heard me. Now of course she is pissed and barely speaking to my husband.

 

To give you some background my mother-in-law lost her mother at 12 years old and likes to feel needed. Whenever it is made clear that she is not needed she becomes really offended to the point of getting mad. Can someone identify what this personality disorder is and does anyone have any advise for how to handle it?? I am not anticipating her arrival because of the drama that usually ensues during the visit. I feel that while I don't want to constantly cause stress, I must make the boundary very clear since my husband will not all the time...

 

 

I am anxious to hear your thoughts...ideas.

 

hofgirl

[angel915]

wow! talk about control a freak. it sounds like your mother-in-law has a problem letting go of her son. like you said she likes to feel needed but i think she also fears losing her son. your family moved to united states far away from her where she can't do anything about it. she feels threatened of your presence in the family and also over shadowing her authority. most mother-in-laws are like that. they just have a hard time letting go of their sons, and would like to stay in power as long as it's allowed, they don't want to feel that they are being replaced by someone new. you're doing the right thing by sticking to your own decisions. and responding to her when you don't need her help. maybe later on in the future if she suggested something that you should do, just let her know that you'll keep it in mind but do what you have to do in the end. a simple No to her won't work so make it seem like you're acually considering her ideas. oh about her background, her mother died when she was young she seems like she never grew up and there was no mother for her to show her the way of how relationships should be handled.

[bicky_62]

I have been married to my husband for 4 years. My husband is from Austria and I am from America. I am African American and he is Caucasian. As you all can probably imagine there are many cultural differences among the both of us but we like to think that love conquers all.

 

When we first got together we had extreme language barriers (especially between myself and his family) I often thought that his family's seemingly cold ways were attributed to the fact that we could not really effectively communicate.

 

After having a complete family blow-out between (husband/his parents) when they found out we were going to be married I moved to Austria. After the wedding I wanted to begin doing some of the duties like banking, cooking and cleaning as I became pregnant and staying at home during this time. My mother in law who is also a teller at the local bank refused to turn over my husbands account info. She would come into our home and clean up when we were gone. She would also bring my husband food after I could cooked in the evening.

 

After I had our daughter the situation seemed to worsen as she was then always giving me advise and what worse; is when I didn't take it or blew it off; she would cry and tell my husband that I was mean to her. After being fed up with living in a town of 600 and my in-laws we relocated to the United States. I just recently gave birth to my son which she was upset about us having. She is planning his Christening during their visit in September. She asked my husband to bring me a hand-me-down christening outfit from our nephew. I screamed no thank you and she heard me. Now of course she is pissed and barely speaking to my husband.

 

To give you some background my mother-in-law lost her mother at 12 years old and likes to feel needed. Whenever it is made clear that she is not needed she becomes really offended to the point of getting mad. Can someone identify what this personality disorder is and does anyone have any advise for how to handle it?? I am not anticipating her arrival because of the drama that usually ensues during the visit. I feel that while I don't want to constantly cause stress, I must make the boundary very clear since my husband will not all the time...

 

 

I am anxious to hear your thoughts...ideas.

 

hofgirl

sounds like she needs to be put on a medication to help with her personality disorder your not the one who's causing the stress, she is