figgurinoutlife Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I have a question. If your ex has broken up with her boyfriend, says she's still in love with you and says she wants to get back together, but is moving slowly to get back with you, how do you handle it? I've waited for a long time to get back with her and it could happen, but she is not making an effort to actually come back, but just says she wants to. Sometimes I don't think she really wants to get back but is making sure I'm there just in case. She still hangs around her ex and a new guy where she works, which makes me nervous, especially about the new guy. She could fall for him. She tells me she misses me all the time lately, but last night I heard she found out that this new guy she works with may like her, now she is being kind of distant with me. Am I being too impatient? I am tired of waiting for her. She is staying with relatives out of town, her ex boyfriend lives in the same town and it's where she works. So she could pack her stuff and leave anytime to come back to me. What should I do? Cut her off and go NC without an explanation? Wait around? Tell her how I feel? Tell her how I feel, then cut her off? I do want her back and feel I am soo close and want to play it right, so how do I do that? What's the best move? Thanks for reading Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Ohhh... what I wouldn't give for the sniff of a second chance. I have absolutely no hope of that. I suck. Anyway, back to the matter at hand. Her words and her actions definitely don't seem to be in concert. She is keeping her cards close to her chest. What are the circumstances of her saying she wants to get back with you? Like, how and when does she raise the subject? Link to post Share on other sites
Author figgurinoutlife Posted June 27, 2006 Author Share Posted June 27, 2006 She told me last weekend that she wanted to get back together and she missed me, etc. The only circumstance she really said was what was she supposed to do with her dog, and I told her I wouldn't mind. She also mentioned she needed to save some money before she came. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 She told me last weekend that she wanted to get back together and she missed me, etc. The only circumstance she really said was what was she supposed to do with her dog, and I told her I wouldn't mind. She also mentioned she needed to save some money before she came. On the phone... in person?? I guess on the phone then, given what you have written. How far is she away from you? What was your reply to her when she said that she wanted you back?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author figgurinoutlife Posted June 27, 2006 Author Share Posted June 27, 2006 Actually she was in town, and dropped by for a sec. and told me in person. She lives a couple hours away in a small town right now. My reply when she told me she wanted me back was i acted kind of shy, but in a happy sort of way. I think I said "really?" I then hugged her. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Actually she was in town, and dropped by for a sec. and told me in person. She lives a couple hours away in a small town right now. My reply when she told me she wanted me back was i acted kind of shy, but in a happy sort of way. I think I said "really?" I then hugged her. So it was a bit of a shock? Were you kind of stunned? Maybe there was the chance right there and then to explore "it" a bit more? (Sorry, I don't mean to suggest it was necessarily a missed opportunity.) And what has transpired since that moment? Has she mentioned it again? Have you said or done anything to "follow it up?" I bet the hug felt good!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author figgurinoutlife Posted June 27, 2006 Author Share Posted June 27, 2006 She mentioned days later that she was packing her stuff, or getting her stuff together to come be with me. And she asked about her dog being okay. I said it would be fine. Then thats the last I've heard of it and that was 3 days ago. I have not brought it up cause I don't want to seem pushy and get my hopes up too high. I just wonder if she's changed her mind cause she likes this guy at her work now. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Maybe a stupid and irrelevant question - but is she bringing her dog? (Or is she asking because of possible separation anxiety? Her's or the dog's, or both even.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author figgurinoutlife Posted June 27, 2006 Author Share Posted June 27, 2006 No, she is really wanting to bring her dog. She doesn't want to be separated from her. Link to post Share on other sites
confused423 Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 sometimes its just better to move on. Not to sound cynical even though i know this is how its gonna come out, but theres a guy who will put his heart out every time for her even when she kicks it back, he will wait for her. Just as there is a girl for you who can give you a straight answer and come running into your arms. Heres a question or two: why did you break up? did she cheat? did you break up with her? vice versa? and what makes you think this time its gonna be different. Most people, unless they work really hard and i mean really hard with there SO, they will find that the track dosen't move and the trains going the same way as it always did. please dont get me wrong im tottaly for relationships working out, but just want to make sure everythings been thought of. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 What is her concern about her dog then?... since she is coming with her - is it a rough neighbourhood for dogs?? When did you find out about her liking this dude at her work? I mean, it has only been three days since you hugged and spoke about moving back in together?! Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 and what makes you think this time its gonna be different. Most people, unless they work really hard and i mean really hard with there SO, they will find that the track dosen't move and the trains going the same way as it always did. A very, very good point - why will it work out this time, when it didn't before? What has changed? Link to post Share on other sites
rkman Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 She has to show you the effort more than say it. Coming to be with you is great, that's not even close to enough though. Trust - you can't just GIVE it back to her Commitment - Does she understand this word? Communication - Do you both understand more the need to improve and TRY in this respect? Selflessness - Is she capable of this? When this type of s*** happens, I always try to get the question answered, will this person divorce me? I do not ever want to be divorced. The most important skill in life is risk management. You'll be taking a huge risk, but what's the realistic paybout? A possible reason she's probably being so hesitant is out of fear and humility. She knows she did something very stupid, it is STILL on her part to take the next step in demonstrating her humility to you and herself. Do NOT support her until she does. She is also probably scared of being rejected, for the same reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
Author figgurinoutlife Posted June 27, 2006 Author Share Posted June 27, 2006 Do you think I should have a talk with her, tell her I'm moving on and am tired of waiting and can't talk to her anymore because other girls out there actually DO want to be with me and are making an effort? Link to post Share on other sites
GB111 Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Stop playing games. If you want her back, tell her and ask her what her intentions are. Sounds to me like this is a lost cause. Maybe you'll get her back for a brief ego boost, but she doesn't sound committed to me. A woman who really wants you and is ready to commit and love only you cannot be stopped. There would be no "why hasn't she called" or "I wonder what she's doing". I wouldn't look at this through HER eyes. Look at it through YOURS. Don't you think you deserve someone who wants you that badly? Doesn't sound like this is the one. Best, Garrett Link to post Share on other sites
confused423 Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Do you think I should have a talk with her, tell her I'm moving on and am tired of waiting and can't talk to her anymore because other girls out there actually DO want to be with me and are making an effort? yes do talk to her, but you dont have to mention that there are other girls out there for you its more of a thing for you to know. The whole point is that you CAN live life without her, and she can without you.I think that you should talk to her yes but not tell her your moving on unless that is where your at with her, if you still want to try and work things out then do it! Tell her your feelings, your insecurities, and see what reaction you get, and by that you'll definatly know where you stand with her, if she blows your feelings off. Thats attitude is not gonna change when you get together your just gonna be back in the same game as if you never left. If you are ready to move on which i hope you are because your right there are other girls out there PLENTY, ones that care for you. And there is definatly a woman out there for you who wouldnt do this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author figgurinoutlife Posted June 28, 2006 Author Share Posted June 28, 2006 She hasn't called in a day and a half, which is very untypical for her. We usually talk several times a day. She probably found someone else she likes cause that's how she acts when she does. What if when she does call or text, I completely ignore her from now on instead of having a talk w/her or heart to heart. What would her reaction be? Link to post Share on other sites
confused423 Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 its been 2 days, what was her reaction? Link to post Share on other sites
Diver012 Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 This girl sounds flighty to me. I would move on. Fast Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 What if when she does call or text, I completely ignore her from now on instead of having a talk w/her or heart to heart. What would her reaction be? Why do you feel you owe her something? Link to post Share on other sites
john1776 Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 I don't believe in 2nd chances anymore. If one of my exes who dumped me asked to have me back I would tell them that it's completely out of the question. No ifs and/or butts about it. I wouldn't stand there looking all shocked and saying "really". Even if you do take her up on her offer you should not show that you are excited to get back together. Don't tell her that you are excited. Don't tell her that you are happy to be back. Just act like it's not that important to you. Showing your excitement will just convey to her that you have been dreaming for a long time that this day would come. Don't do it. Link to post Share on other sites
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