Guest Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Hiya I could do with some advice here. I have been with my husband for ten years...since I was 15. We have had our ups and downs but have got through. The only problem we have is that he just cannot talk to me. I know none of his hopes, dreams or fears. Don't get me wrong he does talk about trivial stuff but just cannot talk about anything deep. Am I being selfish by demanding that this has to change? I feel like I am missing out on something and our relationship is shallow... I really don't want us to split up but I do not think I can carry on with this feeling. Please ask if you need any more details!! Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Wow, talk about demanding. Don't be a Mrs. Hilter and maybe he might open upto you. Some people are just like that but that doesn't mean you need to take offense to it. Good chance he doesn't even know himself and often a person doesn't know what their true hopes are. It's not what you say it's how you say it. For example I can ask it in two different ways: 1) I really need to know what your hopes, fears, dreams are. I mean really if you can't tell me that even though we are married how can we be close? If we can't be close then maybe we shouldn't even be married! or.. 2) What did you want to be when you were a kid? How about now? What was/is your biggest fear? I'd really love to know if you feel like talking about it sometime. Which way do you think you are going to get farther with him? Here's a hint. Try #2 and then just let it go until he's ready to talk. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 If you google the words... "Why Women Leave Men, Marriagebuilders", you'll find an article there that deals with this sort of thing. Print it out and share it with him. It's designed to help a man understand what a woman wants in order to feel emotionally close. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Thank you for your replies and I will look at the google search later. As for the "Mrs Hitler" thing...I really hope I am not coming over like that! I used the hopes, fears thing as an example, he does not discuss his views on anything. He agrees with me all the time. I mean about topics in the news etc. I never get to hear what I consider to be his true feelings. He is very tactile and affectionate, which I feel he uses to get out of talking. He will agree with everything I say after an argument and just want to cuddle. Although he has just blurted the exact opposite in a big blazing row! This is why I am so frustrated and I do not know what to believe. Link to post Share on other sites
tearful_soul22 Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Have you considered attending a counseling session? If you've been married that long communication shouldn't even be a major issue so it seems to me he's hiding some inner unexplained feelings thus he agrees with all the time so he doesn't have to deal with anything. I suggest counseling. A properly trained professional can help you get to the root of the problem and work on all the issues affecting your marriage and your life. Good luck and i wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
larryblenn Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 This may seem a bit abstract but try to align yourself with him. By that I mean continue talking about the trivial stuff. The more you talk, the more likely he will begin to open up. Right now it must feel like if he zigs - you zag kinda thing. You think the things he speaks about are trivial but for him they may seem important otherwise he wouldn't be talking about them. Link to post Share on other sites
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