Why so many failures? I'm tired of the disappointment! (long)

[dgiirl]

Pada, I can relate to not being approachable. Online, i get approached a lot. Offline, very very rarely. I've been told that I intimidate men. I'm not sure how true that is. And like you, I'm not down for the ons. I'm a relationship type girl. The only thing I see you possibly doing wrong, is staying TOO long in dead end relationships. You seem to be attracted to men who are emotionally unavailable to you. Charlie, where he cannot be affectionate, and the other guy where he cant commit. You need to get these men out of your life, spend some time alone, and grow as a person. Right now you are frustrated and you are lonely. Everything that I feel right now too. But I truely believe that once you become happy with everything in your life, you will find the right guy. I believe it, because it already happened to me once in my life. Needless to say, we grew apart, but this is how it started. So right now, just keep enriching your life by doing the things you want to do. Also, I dont see why you cannot do some of those things you listed alone. You cant be scared to live your life because maybe something bad might happen. Yes, bad things happen. But the chances of it happening are rare compared to what you fear. Just keep your wit about you and pay attention to your gut. Also, there's plenty of online single meet up activities. Check out some of them, possibly girls only activities, so you can make some new single friends. You just have to challenge your comfort zone a little.

[basscatcher]

I'm a relationship type girl.

Me too.

The only thing I see you possibly doing wrong, is staying TOO long in dead end relationships

This is true. I carry to much faith and hope in people. I believe all things are possible and wait to long to see if it will happen. Always faith and hope..Too much faith and hope. I need to reign in my boundries on those things I know.

You seem to be attracted to men who are emotionally unavailable to you. Charlie, where he cannot be affectionate, and the other guy where he cant commit. You need to get these men out of your life,

These men did't show who they were in the beginning. It took about 3 months for me to recognize Charlies issue and 2 months before the other guy laid down his 'called to be single' on me. This guy is valuable to me. The only time I fall vulnerable to him is when the loneliness kicks in with me. Otherwise I am fine with him as he is and not having a future with him. He is useful.. (sounds like I'm using him--maybe I am but he helps me grow as a person. He doesn't allow me to lie to myself and he makes me face my issues--much like LSr's do.)

 

spend some time alone, and grow as a person. Right now you are frustrated and you are lonely.

I am alone. I've pretty much been alone for the past 2 months. I want company.

But I truely believe that once you become happy with everything in your life, you will find the right guy.

I am happy with where my life is other then wanting/needing a different job and would like to have a partner to share life with. I have good friends, close family, and the basic living essentials. I miss love, comfort of love, security of love from/with a man. That is it. Everything else is pretty good.

 

So right now, just keep enriching your life by doing the things you want to do. Also, I dont see why you cannot do some of those things you listed alone. You cant be scared to live your life because maybe something bad might happen. Yes, bad things happen. But the chances of it happening are rare compared to what you fear. Just keep your wit about you and pay attention to your gut.

I can't just go out to a park in this huge city and be alone. It is NOT safe to be alone. There are lots of warnings out to women in the metro. There are lots of trees and sheltered areas in the parks around here. It's not wide open so its not safe for women to be in these places alone.

I've been raped one too many times in my life I don't want it to happen again. (granted it was by men I knew but still..)

 

I am content where I am with myself and my life other then I would like a partner to do things with and share with...

 

I go shopping by myself. I get bored and I will cruise around the city and drive through residential neighborhoods for something to do. I go visit friends to get out of the house. I go dancing almost every Friday and Saturday night with a group of 3 to 8 women... I want to be able to have some male companionship too. Most of my time is either with women or alone...

[dgiirl]

I am alone. I've pretty much been alone for the past 2 months. I want company.

 

Girl, two months is nothing. Try 1.5 years! It's not exactly what I'd call fun, but I've been living alone for 1.5 years now. And it's definitely the best thing for me. I'm learning so much about me than I ever did in my entire life. And it's not THAT bad. Plus, I've been able to conquer a LOT of fear. All that fear of something bad might happen to me. It made me paralyzed. You cant live like that. I refuse to live like that anymore. Living alone gave me the opportunity to realize that if things are really crappy in my next relationship, i know I can get out. I dont need to put up with what I did in my past because of fear of being alone. I'm more empowered now. I have options now.

 

 

I can't just go out to a park in this huge city and be alone. It is NOT safe to be alone. There are lots of warnings out to women in the metro. There are lots of trees and sheltered areas in the parks around here. It's not wide open so its not safe for women to be in these places alone.

I've been raped one too many times in my life I don't want it to happen again. (granted it was by men I knew but still..)

 

I understand the fear you must have. That's why you need to take precautions. Have you ever taken a self defense class? Although I've never been raped, I lived 8 years in fear of living my life. I feared going anywhere without my exh. I feared so so so many things. Him leaving forced me to realize what I was doing to myself and forced me to face those fears. I'm not saying it will never happen to me. But I refuse to live in fear anymore. The only one who suffers is me.

 

I go shopping by myself. I get bored and I will cruise around the city and drive through residential neighborhoods for something to do. I go visit friends to get out of the house. I go dancing almost every Friday and Saturday night with a group of 3 to 8 women... I want to be able to have some male companionship too. Most of my time is either with women or alone...

 

But dont you see. This need to have some male companionship is what is bringing these types of men into your life. When you dont NEED them, then the right guy will come along. There's truth in the saying "As soon as you stop looking, you find the right one".

[basscatcher]

Girl, two months is nothing. Try 1.5 years! It's not exactly what I'd call fun, but I've been living alone for 1.5 years now. And it's definitely the best thing for me. I'm learning so much about me than I ever did in my entire life. And it's not THAT bad. Plus, I've been able to conquer a LOT of fear. All that fear of something bad might happen to me. It made me paralyzed. You cant live like that. I refuse to live like that anymore. Living alone gave me the opportunity to realize that if things are really crappy in my next relationship, i know I can get out. I dont need to put up with what I did in my past because of fear of being alone. I'm more empowered now. I have options now.

 

I understand the fear you must have. That's why you need to take precautions. Have you ever taken a self defense class? Although I've never been raped, I lived 8 years in fear of living my life. I feared going anywhere without my exh. I feared so so so many things. Him leaving forced me to realize what I was doing to myself and forced me to face those fears. I'm not saying it will never happen to me. But I refuse to live in fear anymore. The only one who suffers is me.

 

But dont you see. This need to have some male companionship is what is bringing these types of men into your life. When you dont NEED them, then the right guy will come along. There's truth in the saying "As soon as you stop looking, you find the right one".

 

 

I dont fear being alone. I have been divorced for almost 9 years... In those nine years:

1 man lived with me for 6 months-I kicked him out

1 man lived with me for 1-year-I left after the lease was done.

1 man lived with me for 4 1/2 months-he left.

 

The only other man that lives with me is my son... I have been pretty much alone without a man in my bed for about 7 years... I am not afraid to be alone... I am alone...

 

I dont NEED a man. I WANT a man to share with. Share time, activites, to touch, hold, hug, kiss. I want the affection.. I desire the affection. I crave the affection and attention and NOT with ANY man. Its the companionship I miss. The MAN in the MAN.. I am surrounded by women.. I like the leadership a man can bring.

 

Its not about NEED its about WANT.. I dont need a man to hold me up or take care of me.. I don't need a man to feel whole or have value. I want a man to share with, to love and be loved. to care for and be cared for..

 

I don't think what I want is unhealthy or bad. I'm not super desperate--if I was desperate for a man I would take the offers of booty-calls from the players at the clubs on the weekends. I would drap myself. slut myself, and hit on every guy in the club to get attention... I am not desperate..

 

Wanting and Needing are different.

I don't NEED. I WANT.

 

I understand what you are saying DG I just want to make my stand clear that I'm not easy and I don't sell myself short. I have my head pretty straight and I know what I want, need, and who I am pretty well. I am 37 almost 38 years old. I have lived more life then some 80 year old people.. I have read lots of books, taked with lots of people, seen many different councelors to understand myself and heal my broken dysfunctional past.

 

Just because I get down, depressed, frustrated and sick of the way things go sometimes doesnt mean I am helpless, hopeless and need to be saved, picked up, scrapped up off the ground... I am a survivor, I am a fighter, I am stubborn, I am determined, I dont quit, I dont give up. on ME.. There are times when I want/need support and help in understanding things. Thats when I reach out.

[Mary3]

Curm---The line 'come and get them' I sadi to Alpha was not connected to this thread personally. He and I have been joking about me sending my 'panties' to him FedX... This was a smart-alike remark I posted in this thread.

 

Although, what you said in regards to using this line in the context of this thread I totally understand what you are saying.

I do need to clarify that I don't 'chase' men. I don't approach men. I normally don't start conversations with men.

I look. I may smile and say hi, I may watch from a distance. I don't hold eye contact to long or I feel my face get hot (blushing). I don't hang on men when I'm out in the clubs.

 

I rarely get approached unless the man is dilillusionally drunk or is drunk and looking for the last minute booty call for the night. (I don't accept these offers.)

 

I asked a guy once who was flirty with 2 of my gfs as we stood outside the club one night-he wasn't intoxicated--I had just enough alcohol in me that I stepped up to him and asked him directly "could you tell me something?' he obliged with a smile on his face, I asked him "why am I unapproachable by decent men?' he looked me square in the eyes and said, 'you carry yourself too well, you look intimidating, I seen you and I thought 'I don't have a chance in hell with her'.' He stated 'This is what I thought, maybe this is what other guys think.' I told him I didn't believe him and that he was only saying this not to hurt my feelings and he swore in front of everyone including his friends that what he said is what he really thought.

 

He means that you are simply not approachable. Whether its your facial expressions or body language. Do you smile when someone says hello ? Very beautiful women and men can actually have a time with dating because no-one wants to approach them out of fear they won't fit into that persons league.

 

Maybe this is why I get the alpha man types that come up to me. The dominate men, men who have egos and chips on their shoulders. The arrogant men who are full of self confidence.

 

So you say decent men do not approach you but rather instead Alpha male types approach you . When approached by an arrogant man with a chip on his shoulder how do you react ?

 

I maybe unapproachable by the way I physically handle myself. My gfs have told me that I act too conservative unless I'm drinking and have a good buzz going. My gfs said I dressed too conservative also which I have changed when I'm out on the town with them.

 

Being ultra conservative can make men feel you are truly not approachable. When you go out just dress simple but sexy. That could mean a cute top and some nice fitting jeans . Men want simplicity. If you are a District Attorney of course you are going to dress like one. But out on the town or just taking a walk you want to look natural and approachable.

 

Yes, I have gone through a lot of men since I was 14. None of them worked out. I am not too picky but picky enough I'm not going to willingly choose to get involved with a man who obviously only wants me for sex or a man who is severly over weight and doesn't attempt to take care of himself and is very lazy.

 

Thats good . But what weight do you consider severely overweight ? Could you honestly go out with a man who had that type of appearance. I always say : Fat guys need love too. They make great boyfriends. Now of course my idea of fat and yours are probrobly different. I like big men and my friends say anything over 180 lbs is not cool. I can go out with someone up to 250 if hes built like a football player and quite tall.

 

I may sound desperate and as if I am looking under every rock, nook and cranny but I'm not. I feel the feeling of desperation and talk it sometimes-'like I'm going to be alone forever" but I don't act desperate.

 

Desperate acts show themselves. So far you don't seem desperate. You dont pick drug users, abusers, the chronically unemployed.

 

It's hard for me to meet people. I don't get approached very often by decent men. I don't meet new people easily either unless its online.

I joined the dating service so I could meet men without them judging me in a public place and not getting to know me. Appearance is a factor if a man will approach her--her beauty, her manners, her attire. Apparently, I don't have a approachable appearance!

 

I would ask your friends or a fashion consultant ( if you can afford one ) to analyze your wardrobe. Ask someone near your age range. Not you mom, lol

 

Everyone on LS knows me better then the majority of people who know me in real life. That is sad.....

 

This probrobly holds true for alot of us. Who is going to let us pour our hearts out like this and have 10 responses of people we have come to know at LS. Our closest girlfriends know us. But here we can even get deeper ...

LSr's know me better then my own mother...

 

You feel comfortable here. You know we care. We help all dilemas because we enjoy helping and also LEARNING ! I have learned a wealth of information about men and why they act the way they do.

The only two people who really know me is 1 gf (my best friend of 9 years) and the alpha manfriend that everyone seems to think I need to steer clear of.. No else has taken the time to really know me to look at my thoughts, feelings, wants, needs, desires, dreams, likes, dislikes, interests, and reasons why I am who I am.

 

Because he is there and fills many of your needs you need him in your life. But it gets hard when you don't want the same things.

 

My most successful relationship of all the relationships I've been in was with a man I meet online. The problem we had was him. He admits that he couldn't handle being with someone that treated him so well. It's not familiar to him. He's use to be treated like a yo-yo. He is addicted to drama. I didn't give him that... (he is seeing a councelor now.)

 

Ditto. You treat them very well and they wonder what planet you are from. Some men never get that there are women out there that won't rape their wallets or put their hearts through a meat grinder.

 

----

When I do get a date with a man. I go out with him to get to know him. Not with intentions to marry him.

 

I used marry as an extreme form. Thinking maybe your ultimate goal was to find someone special and spend your life with that person. Sorry .

 

I know what is important to me in a partner and first its being able to be friends. I'm not looking for just a dick between my legs, and him to open his pocket book up to me. I want someone I can enjoy life with and he can with me too.

 

I agree with that.

 

I don't need a man to FIX me or make me WHOLE. I can do that myself. I want someone for company, companionship, friendship, love, and to make life a little easier in sharing our lives together. I can carry my burdens of life on my own but its so much nicer to have someone help me carry my load and I enjoy helping him carry his..

 

You like the whole relationship thing. Someone that is there for you. Someone you can love and be loved by. Alot of us single girls feel you.

 

I'm not totally immature about all this.

Problem with me is its hard for me to meet decent men.

When I'm out shopping I am on a mission to get my stuff done. I don't lollygag around when I'm out. I do what I need to do and move on. I don't hang out anywhere. It's boring. I don't have anyone to hang out with--my gfs have busy and full lives too.

 

So I get this image of a hurried no nonsense shopper who rarely stops and sits to watch the water fountains at the mall. Next time , slow down and enjoy the experience of the mall. Not that I go to Malls all that much but when I do I take in the people by sitting down and just observing. I don't suggest looking for guys at the Mall. I don't. But I do admire the cute ones that walk by...

 

I know where Charlie is at. I still talk to him. He still wants to date me but he doesn't want anything serious. I don't want that. He isn't affectionate.

This would not work for me. No affection.

 

His conversations are dull and we are going in differet directions.

 

Sounds like the fire is burning out. Do you still talk to him about where you both are going in life ?

 

All he talks about and wants to do is drive around on his New Harley...

 

I love Harleys. May I make a suggestion. Get involved ! With his ride....He will see you in a new light when he realizes you want to climb on the back

 

I want to go fishing, I want to go for walks, I want to hang out at state parks, I want to relax and watch a movie once in awhile, etc.

 

I love all you said above. Except I don't fish . But outdoorsy I am. You need someone who enjoys the same things as you.

 

All he wants to do is drive his Harley, drink beer and sit in bars/clubs at night.

 

He's got a certain carefree rider mentality. Not all riders drink. But many do. Its part of his lifestyle. You won't change that. But then , who wants to change a person ? Not me.

 

Dating him is not a good thing for me.. He isn't healthy for me. He isn't balanced for me. He and I aren't looking down the same road.

 

Being in an unhealthy relationship is toxic. At least you see this. Maybe we can help to show you its time to move forward now.

 

As for Hot guys and FWB no thank you. I have had HOT guys hit on me in the clubs. They are drunk and are only looking for a peice of ass. I'm not a pick up girl for the night.

 

Well beg my pardon for shooting me prematurely

but isn't Charlie somewhat like a FWB ? You both sleep together ( ? ) He wants no committment. You do things together but he frees himself for that special girl to come along and commit to ?? If ever,

 

I think my next line when I'm out is going to be "Do you want to F*ck me, or do you want to get to know me?" sarcasticly, when some fool comes stumbling up to me an hour before closing. Usually, these guys are old enough to be my son... I typicall ask them how old they are and when they say 22, 23, 24 I typically giggle and say I'm old enough to be your mother. That about floors them. I continue playing the banter until they get the hint I'm not going home with them and they aren't coming home with me.

 

Nothing wrong with someone younger if its not a problem for you. But remember again : A man will TELL you what he wants in the beginning. You dont ASK him. Please try to remember that. Men are funny creatures with that committment and * the talk * stuff

 

---

The whole thing is --YES I want to meet someone whom I'm compatable with that I can enjoy and share time, struggles and interests with. I'm not lookinig to run to the alter and get married in a year. NO NO NO. Marrage is the furthest thing from my mind these days.

 

I apologize for thinking you wanted to walk down the ailse.

 

I don't meet that many people even though I've dated a lot. Most of the men I've dated were when I was 16-17 and last summer when I was meeting men from online dating sites..

 

They say you should have your foot in different pools of water and test the waters til you find the right temperature. Tell the man you have went out with " I enjoyed our date. I am seeing others at this time ( not sleeping with ) so that I can get more experience and find the right person I might want to settle down with " That should floor some men because rarely can a woman say that.

 

It summer time and lots to do. NO one to do things with. My gfs are busy and also have bfs. I don't. I am not going to ValleyFair alone, I'm not going to the country fair alone. I'm not going to the Reinasaunce Festival alone, I'm not going to concerts alone, I'm not going to a club alone, I'm not going to go walking/hiking in a state park alone, I'm not going to rent a boat and go fishing alone, I'm not going to go to a car race or a ultimate fight alone. All these things can be boring and dangerious to do alone.

 

But you CAN do things alone. I do things alone and with friends. Go to a movie ! Shocker I know but once you try it , not a big deal. I did go to Ren fair with friends but I would go alone next year if I had to . I have vacationed with friends and my sis but I went ALONE this year and I went and flew across the US. So YES you can do things alone. Its your mentality that prevents you from saying : Hey this great band is playing and I cant find anyone to go to the concert . So I am going " " I do it because my friends don't like the same music I do. Does this prevent me from living life ? NO . Once you date more and do things alone more you will feel more comfortable being alone. When you take the stress off your head THATS when you will find someone who is compatible.

 

I am normally a active person, I like to do things on weekends and the only thing I get to do these days is go dancing and drink with my gfs at night. I'm getting really sick ot it..

 

What would you like to be doing ? Going to an intimate dinner with a man ? Then start dating LOTS of men and get different dining experiences. Each man is different and they all bring something different to the table of life. Hopefully some of the areas above that I highlighted might help.

[basscatcher]

Wow Mary you really covered a lot of ground like I did.

 

Let me see if I can give you answers and a little more insight.

 

I dont' dress like a nun but I don't dress like I belong in the red light district either (normally--I have for fun.)

I would say I dress to fit in the crowd. Not stick out as being over dressed or under dressed. I know the clubs we frequent and I know the attire that fits the scene and I dress approprietly--sometimes one step up as in a sexy club type shirt that is unique and I've never seen on anyone else. (I just bought a black one this weekend-halter type, all lace which meets in the middle of the breasts with a ring in the middle, semi-sheer except over the breasts. It is really cute. Even my mom liked it.

 

I smile all the time when I am out unless I am unhappy, super bored or don't feel good. I am a pretty happy person when I'm out on the town with my gfs. We goof around so much and laugh tons... We aren't boring normally.. We attract lots of guys to our group but I don't get much attention from them because I step back and observe mostly. These guys are young and I just don't want a guy thats in my son's peer group.

 

as for weight in men- average men for weight and height I'm attracted to is 5 ft 8 up to 200 lbs (nice cuddly stocky build) and typically men around 6 ft 2 in to 185 lbs (nice height, nice thin build). This is the two normal usual types for me. I don't do much inbetween. I like bald (shaven) men as well as long hair if the face and body fits.. I'm not all that into body builder types (more muscle then brains) I think really cut men are gross in build. I want cuddly not a rock to snuggle up too. I like a little lovehandle as well. I find it attractive.

 

I had problems when I was much younger attracting the drug users, abusers, and losers.. Men who couldn't budget themselves, take responsibility, and stop partying.. I still get a few that drink a bit too much and like to party a little bit. I don't tolerate illegal drugs of any kind. I won't...

 

I hate shopping.. I really have to be bored numb to do it.. Or like I said on a mission. Mall exhaust me. I don't feel good in them. I'm not happy in them. I feel like im in a ant hill with people scurrying to and fro. I can't stand sitting by the waterfountains, etc. I had gfs who use to like that and I was bored. I enjoy sitting on a park bench and watching cars go by more then sitting on a mall bench watching people shop..

 

No Charlie and I are not FWB.. He calls me. I occassionally (maybe 1x per month) will met up with him for a drink and appetizers and thats it.. Mostly for socializing.. He wants to talk about his work, kids, his Harley and friends. We don't talk about us, our futute, what we want because its not going there. It wont.. He is dillusional a bit anyway. He stated one time that everything is fine between us and I pointed out bluntly that he and I are NOT a couple, we are NOT dating, I am free game for anyone.. He got quiet when I said this.

O well. I have made it clear to him I am no longer his and he shouldn't have any expectations of him and I. He will never give me what I want or need in a relationship..

I have been thinking about taking my hold off the dating service. I have 8 match's I have paid for and I don't know how long they will hold them for me. I'm ok about meeting other people at this time. Maybe this is what I need to do, to open up and move forward. Also, show Charlie that I am serious about being fair game for anyone and he doesn't have me.. I sense that he thinks he and I are still a couple sometimes. He is a distant man to begin with in a way. Maybe--Maybe the way he and I now is his comfort zone on dating. I don't know. But I don't need to dig into that. I want to move forward.

 

I don't want to jump on the back of his harley.. I sense he reads into everything. If I get on the back of his bike (first women!) he will tote me around showing me off at the pubs he stops at. He already talks about benefit rides, festivals, and such having me along. This shows me that he doesn't view me as just a friend. he wants me as arm candy.. I'm not someone's trophy.. I just know these things about him knowing him as I do.. He calls me... He trys to set up dates with me.... He is the one who makes daydream plans for future things with me..... I don't do this.

 

I turn him down and sometimes don't even answer his phone calls...

He is showing his dysfunction more and more. He likes a distant woman who pushes him away, Thats why he was so hooked on his Xgf that he couldn't get over... Now I have backed off and he is chasing.

 

I don't want this. That is why there is NO FWB with him.. NO NO NO NO..

The only way he will back off without legal action (no need to do this) is for me to get involved with another man--eventually.. The more I tell him to back off the more he manipulates.. I just go about my business and do my own thing.. Charlie is Charlie... He is harmless just a pain in the butt (he's a shadow).

 

As for doing things alone. YES, I can do things alone. I don't want too. I enjoy company. I enjoy companionship.. I do what I have too alone.

 

Some people are able and content doing things alone--either naturally or by learned choice.

I just don't have the urge or urgency to force myself to make that choice or change in my life..

[Mary3]

Wow Mary you really covered a lot of ground like I did.

 

Thanks

 

Let me see if I can give you answers and a little more insight.

 

I dont' dress like a nun but I don't dress like I belong in the red light district either (normally--I have for fun.)

I would say I dress to fit in the crowd. Not stick out as being over dressed or under dressed. I know the clubs we frequent and I know the attire that fits the scene and I dress approprietly--sometimes one step up as in a sexy club type shirt that is unique and I've never seen on anyone else. (I just bought a black one this weekend-halter type, all lace which meets in the middle of the breasts with a ring in the middle, semi-sheer except over the breasts. It is really cute. Even my mom liked it.

 

Sounds cute and it seems you are wearing the right clothes.

 

I smile all the time when I am out unless I am unhappy, super bored or don't feel good. I am a pretty happy person when I'm out on the town with my gfs. We goof around so much and laugh tons... We aren't boring normally.. We attract lots of guys to our group but I don't get much attention from them because I step back and observe mostly.

 

Step back and observing is fine for the first few minutes but unless you blend in and start interacting with the other males , you just kind of dissapear into the background. Reverse the situation. You see a group of men and all are smiling and laughing except one. Do you approach him ? Or leave him alone because he is shy >?

 

These guys are young and I just don't want a guy thats in my son's peer group.

 

Young guys are great for many reasons but if you can't see yourself with one then you just can't.

 

as for weight in men- average men for weight and height I'm attracted to is 5 ft 8 up to 200 lbs (nice cuddly stocky build) and typically men around 6 ft 2 in to 185 lbs (nice height, nice thin build). This is the two normal usual types for me. I don't do much inbetween. I like bald (shaven) men as well as long hair if the face and body fits.. I'm not all that into body builder types (more muscle then brains) I think really cut men are gross in build. I want cuddly not a rock to snuggle up too. I like a little lovehandle as well. I find it attractive.

 

So you have a well set preference. Did it occur to you to step outside of your zone and * maybe * date someone you would not normally ONLY because that could turn out to be a great guy !

 

I had problems when I was much younger attracting the drug users, abusers, and losers..

 

The important thing is that you dont NOW date those kind

 

Men who couldn't budget themselves, take responsibility, and stop partying.. I still get a few that drink a bit too much and like to party a little bit. I don't tolerate illegal drugs of any kind. I won't...

 

Agreed !

 

I hate shopping.. I really have to be bored numb to do it.. Or like I said on a mission. Mall exhaust me. I don't feel good in them. I'm not happy in them. I feel like im in a ant hill with people scurrying to and fro. I can't stand sitting by the waterfountains, etc.

 

As I stated I don't go to Malls except maybe xmas time to see the decorations so that shows you how much I like malls too, lol

 

I had gfs who use to like that and I was bored. I enjoy sitting on a park bench and watching cars go by more then sitting on a mall bench watching people shop..

 

No Charlie and I are not FWB.. He calls me. I occassionally (maybe 1x per month) will met up with him for a drink and appetizers and thats it.. Mostly for socializing.. He wants to talk about his work, kids, his Harley and friends.

 

Okay. You are not sleeping with him. He sounds like a platonic friend.

 

We don't talk about us, our futute, what we want because its not going there. It wont.. He is dillusional a bit anyway. He stated one time that everything is fine between us and I pointed out bluntly that he and I are NOT a couple, we are NOT dating, I am free game for anyone.. He got quiet when I said this.

 

He sounds like he is not sure what he wants.

O well. I have made it clear to him I am no longer his and he shouldn't have any expectations of him and I. He will never give me what I want or need in a relationship..

 

If they can't *give* of themselves then it just does not work.

I have been thinking about taking my hold off the dating service. I have 8 match's I have paid for and I don't know how long they will hold them for me. I'm ok about meeting other people at this time. Maybe this is what I need to do, to open up and move forward. Also, show Charlie that I am serious about being fair game for anyone and he doesn't have me.. I sense that he thinks he and I are still a couple sometimes.

 

You are not a couple.

 

He is a distant man to begin with in a way. Maybe--Maybe the way he and I now is his comfort zone on dating. I don't know. But I don't need to dig into that. I want to move forward.

 

Move forward baby !

 

I don't want to jump on the back of his harley.. I sense he reads into everything. If I get on the back of his bike (first women!) he will tote me around showing me off at the pubs he stops at.

 

I KNOW you don't believe this but its not about a trophy chick on the back. The guy LIKES you and wants to RIDE !

 

He already talks about benefit rides, festivals, and such having me along.

 

Thats a BIG part of the biking world.

 

This shows me that he doesn't view me as just a friend. he wants me as arm candy..

 

Unless you can give me specific facts to support this , I disagree

 

I'm not someone's trophy.. I just know these things about him knowing him as I do.. He calls me... He trys to set up dates with me.... He is the one who makes daydream plans for future things with me..... I don't do this.

 

I turn him down and sometimes don't even answer his phone calls...

He is showing his dysfunction more and more. He likes a distant woman who pushes him away, Thats why he was so hooked on his Xgf that he couldn't get over... Now I have backed off and he is chasing.

 

These kind of men are like dogs chasing a car....What will they do when they catch the car ?

 

I don't want this. That is why there is NO FWB with him.. NO NO NO NO..

The only way he will back off without legal action (no need to do this) is for me to get involved with another man--eventually.. The more I tell him to back off the more he manipulates..

 

Some men just LOVE drama ! Just like the last guy I was seeing. Gawd glad thats over

 

I just go about my business and do my own thing.. Charlie is Charlie... He is harmless just a pain in the butt (he's a shadow).

 

As for doing things alone. YES, I can do things alone. I don't want too. I enjoy company. I enjoy companionship.. I do what I have too alone.

 

Good to hear

 

Some people are able and content doing things alone--either naturally or by learned choice.

 

For me being an introverted artist it came easy to self entertain with reading and art.

I just don't have the urge or urgency to force myself to make that choice or change in my life..

 

Good luck and I hope you find happiness. I highlighted above...

[basscatcher]

Good luck and I hope you find happiness. I highlighted above...

 

 

Thanks Mary.. I think you understand me and where everythng stands. I dont' believe I am out of balance or being unrealistic. I am lonely.

 

I desire companionship to enjoy doing things with someone.

[Mary3]

Thanks Mary.. I think you understand me and where everythng stands. I dont' believe I am out of balance or being unrealistic. I am lonely.

 

I desire companionship to enjoy doing things with someone.

 

Hugs

[Curmudgeon]

I was't inferring that you look under every rock and everything you said makes perfectly good sense.

 

My wife stayed single for 18 years after she divorced her ex at age 30 and had no social life, whatsoever, for the last 12 of those years. She, too, grew weary of mens' foolishness. Over time she acquired the reputation of being the "Ice Maiden" because of the way she carries herself and her no-nonsense approach to people and issues. Quite frankly, I think most men found it/her intimidating so they kept their distance.

 

Thankfully, I found her intriguing and I've always loved a challenge so I ultimately ended up with the prize.

 

I hope you end up a lucky as I did!

[jerbear]

Pada, I have always though of you as an interesting person.

 

I've always liked challenges however even in a chase, the prey has to be caught. It seems that you maybe attracting the wrong men and repeating your history.

 

You also seem to have a entrepreneural spirit, small little spark, not a flame but a spark that keeps you going and motivated. Maybe it is knowing your son is becoming a man? with the entreprenural sprit, failures lead to success. John D. Rockefeller almost failed. Milton Hersey failed about 3 times before the Hersey bar took off. Edison tried 10,000 materials before the lightbulb.

 

I do believe you can do it. Sometimes with all the dating mediums, you spread yourself to thin. You are increasing your male applicant pool, however the number of frogs tends to increase in additional to number of princes you may find.

 

I would have to just say, hang in there.

[sagiterre]

The greatest disappointment in life for a woman or a man is to find out that he/she has married the wrong person and failures in life makes us hopeless. Marriage is not an easy thing at all, it takes time to see it work, and when it doesnt, we become so frustrated that divorce/annulment/separation or coldness become th only 1st solutions..