ryan05 Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Lately I feel that my wife and I are growing apart. We're never on the same page as we used to ALWAYS be. I feel as though she is quite content w/ putting our marriage on cruise control and focus more on herself and the things that benefit her the most. Me on the other hand, I'm such a mixed bag of beans so to speak. On one hand, I can be the most loving person on this earth. I try to do the little things that put a smile on her face. I'm always looking on how to improve our marriage, I really try to pick up on subtle things that happen between us, and things she says, and use those to try and make myself, and ourselves have a better life together. But then sometimes I get so frustrated because it seems that it's all for not. I never get quality time w/ my wife. The one on one, lets go out by ourselves and have some good conversation, some good times where we can look back on say, god, that was a really good time. When we go out, it's 99% in a group atmosphere where I don't really talk to her more than everyone talks amongst each other. So I guess I'm upset I don't get to bond w/ her that much anymore. We do have really busy lives both of us but I'm just bummed out by the fact that even when I ask for one on one time w/ her she doesn't give. I have to book a day with her 2 weeks in advance to do so and to me thats not right. So I get really frustrated, and when this happens, which it does alot, it puts me in a really strange headspace. So much has happened in the past year or so and there have been signs that she wants things to work out, but I feel she talks a good game, but rarely does she follow through. I wish she would see inside me and realize what where I'm at. I can tell her, but she doesn't see it. I really wish she were more sensitive. I'm really starting to doubt whether or not I'm really willing to put up with it all anymore. I'm pretty obvious when I'm upset as well, you know, sleep on the couch, or distance myself from her, and when I tell her whats going on with me she will just make excuses on why things are the way they are. And she'll say, we have all of the weekend to do stuff together, but for instance, this weekend, we're going to the island where her best friend is, and I know for a fact she will be attached to her hip the whole weekend and it'll be me and her best friends boyfriend who will do the most bonding. Anyways, there's more on my mind, but I don't want to write a novel so I'll end it here. Link to post Share on other sites
Lennox Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Wow Ryan, you really impress me with your sensitivity to the issue of spending quality time alone together. Most of the time, it's us ladies that are in your position vollying for quality time. You seem like a really nice guy. You gotta stop that What I mean is that you need to exhibit some of those testosterones and take charge a weekend. If you already have set plans for this weekend, then make plans for the following weekend and inform her of those plans, don't ask. Make those plans so that they are only the two of you doing something without interference from others. Something you both like to do. And cut out the throwing yourself out of your bed routine! That's like you paddling yourself for doing something wrong. That's YOUR bed too buddy! And you distancing yourself from her is giving her exactly what she wants. Your not punishing her, you're punishing yourself. You're justifying all the excuses that she's giving you. If you're really that close to throwing in the towel, at least try a radically different approach before you do. Assert yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ryan05 Posted June 27, 2006 Author Share Posted June 27, 2006 thanks... I totally understand what you're saying. I guess I'm just bummed by the fact that I have to force her into spending time with me. I get pretty defensive as well in my times of frustration. I've tried so many ways of dealing with these types of things in the past that sadly, now I just do my own thing and hopefully forget about it as time passes on. So I know I have myself to blame as well lately but honestly, I can't just sit there and keep dwelling on something that wont get better anytime soon. So when I do retire to the couch, it's because I don't want to sleep next to her and let her know that I won't put up with it. Plus, we have a very comfy couch. Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 I said it once, and I will say it again. I don't think that your wife is into you much anymore, you have been having issues with her off and on and I think she is holding onto you as a "rock" until she finds someone else. Everything you have said here makes me feel bad for you cause you really do seem to care, but love and marriage is a two way street and right now you are just running your car into a dead end :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts