Mr. niceguy :) Posted November 19, 2001 Share Posted November 19, 2001 I have a question, it's kind of vauge tho. I have been w/ my girlfriend for about 1 year now, and we have ups and downs, but for the most part we are so happy and both satisfied mentally and physically. When we first started dating she had a huge hatred for her ex. She couldn't even think about him or talk about him w/o getting really mad, almost in tears. Now she claims that she has no more hatred for him, but still doesn't like him as a a person, and could careless about him for what he has done. Does that mean that she has found someone(me) that has replaced the love loss from another relationship? Is this a good sign for me, that she has found another great love? Y Link to post Share on other sites
arthropod98 Posted November 19, 2001 Share Posted November 19, 2001 that could be the case, but also, some TIME has passed here, so it may be as simple as that. are you looking for something to make you feel good here?? just not sure the exact purpose of your post. I have a question, it's kind of vauge tho. I have been w/ my girlfriend for about 1 year now, and we have ups and downs, but for the most part we are so happy and both satisfied mentally and physically. When we first started dating she had a huge hatred for her ex. She couldn't even think about him or talk about him w/o getting really mad, almost in tears. Now she claims that she has no more hatred for him, but still doesn't like him as a a person, and could careless about him for what he has done. Does that mean that she has found someone(me) that has replaced the love loss from another relationship? Is this a good sign for me, that she has found another great love? Y Link to post Share on other sites
Carrie Posted November 19, 2001 Share Posted November 19, 2001 No one can replace someone else, if you really love/loved them. It also depends on how she and her ex ended things. If he really hurt her and broke it off with her, she's going to have anger (or as she put it - hatred) for him until she's over it. It's a natural process that takes time, until she, in her head, has decided it's time to let go of the hate. Now that she's been with you a while, her feelings have grown for you and she is now realizing that you have given her more than her ex could ever have. In other words, you are better for her and she is realizing it. Her feelings are now focused onto something healthier (her relationship with you) and she's realizing she's wasting emotion on someone who is no longer worth it (her ex). This is the thing I like to tell a lot of people (even myself) when they're going through a break-up. It's ok to mourn over a break-up with someone you really cared for. It hurts and it's a natural process. But what can sometimes help ease the pain, is to know that one day you will meet someone who's going to be better for you and make you even happier than the person who broke your heart. That's what this girl is now realizing that a lot of people have trouble seeing, when they're feeling rejected by an ex. If this girl had known then, what she knew now, she would have been ok with the break-up with her ex and I don't think it would have affected her as much. Unfortunately, we can't see into the future and we have to go with the old "time will heal" method. Anyway, it sounds really good for the two of you, and I hope things continue to move forward. I hope all works out. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted November 19, 2001 Share Posted November 19, 2001 It is not a good sign that she feels any emotion for her ex at all. The emotion of anger or hate is right there in the brain next door to love. Hate is passionate and people feel that towards people who mean something to them. I "hate" to break this to you but it sounds like you may very well have been a rebound or transitional relationship for this lady. When you start dating a girl, the last thing you want her to do is constantly talk about her ex...in any fashion. The fact that she did when you started dating and has only recently toned it down means she is getting over him and is ready to move on. You are going to have to do some serious talking and some serious work if you want to keep this on track. Once she has healed from her previous relationship, where she was obviously in love with the guy and very much hurt, she may or may not want to continue seeing you. Transitional, healing relationships seldom stand up to the test of time. I hope for your sake you can pull this out. But remember for the future not to date girls just out of relationships and not to allow them to talk about their ex's a lot with you. Don't let women use you to get over other guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Jimbo Posted November 19, 2001 Share Posted November 19, 2001 Tony, I don't think that I ever said she "always" talked about her ex, and where in my question say that she was just out of a realtionship? She was actually done w/ this guys 3 years befores me. He was abusive to her and was also a real ladies man, and she was very hurt by it. ***Note to self...Tony jumps to conclusions...**** I have a question, it's kind of vauge tho. I have been w/ my girlfriend for about 1 year now, and we have ups and downs, but for the most part we are so happy and both satisfied mentally and physically. When we first started dating she had a huge hatred for her ex. She couldn't even think about him or talk about him w/o getting really mad, almost in tears. Now she claims that she has no more hatred for him, but still doesn't like him as a a person, and could careless about him for what he has done. Does that mean that she has found someone(me) that has replaced the love loss from another relationship? Is this a good sign for me, that she has found another great love? Y Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted November 19, 2001 Share Posted November 19, 2001 Sorry, disregard my post. I stand by my position that a person should not see someone who is not over a relationship and she certainly was not over the relationship even if it was three years before. It's highly unusual to harbor that much hate for someone. I don't think this is someone I would be interested in. No, I don't jump to conclusions. I just sometimes misinterpret posts or fail in other ways. You get your money back in full. But best of luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Mojo Posted November 20, 2001 Share Posted November 20, 2001 hi mr niceguy, i can't understand what you are so worried about. i have an ex who i couldn't stand for ages. like your girlfriend, i reached the point (quite a while ago now), where i just don't have any feelings towards him whatsoever. i don't like my ex as a person, because he's not a nice person. i never, ever think of him in a sentimental way (puke). i feel this way because i have well and truly moved on from him. stop reading into this. it's not about 'replacing love' that is lost from another relationship. losing relationships happen to people all the time. when a relationship is lost, you move on to bigger and better things and put the past behind you. it seems like she's done just that. i think it's a good sign for *HER* that she has moved on. other than that, i think you need work on your insecurities. that's what stands out more than anything in your post. best wishes Link to post Share on other sites
Third Wheel Posted November 20, 2001 Share Posted November 20, 2001 Yeah this is definitely something not to be concerned about -- actually, if, after a year, she was STILL seething with hatred over him, that would be an issue of concern because it means she does not have the emotional ability to work through her feelings -- something which is crucial in any relationship. So the fact that she feels better now is NOT because of a "replacement love" as Ms. Mojo noted, but because of her own ability to work through feelings -- a sign of a stable and emotionally mature person. good luck hi mr niceguy, i can't understand what you are so worried about. i have an ex who i couldn't stand for ages. like your girlfriend, i reached the point (quite a while ago now), where i just don't have any feelings towards him whatsoever. i don't like my ex as a person, because he's not a nice person. i never, ever think of him in a sentimental way (puke). i feel this way because i have well and truly moved on from him. stop reading into this. it's not about 'replacing love' that is lost from another relationship. losing relationships happen to people all the time . when a relationship is lost, you move on to bigger and better things and put the past behind you. it seems like she's done just that. i think it's a good sign for *HER* that she has moved on. other than that, i think you need work on your insecurities. that's what stands out more than anything in your post. best wishes Link to post Share on other sites
civic Posted November 20, 2001 Share Posted November 20, 2001 I'm sorry, but someone that shows that much emotion for their ex, be it positive or neg., is not a good thing. The mere fact that she still hates him so much shows she's not over him, even though she may think or say she is. I have a question, it's kind of vauge tho. I have been w/ my girlfriend for about 1 year now, and we have ups and downs, but for the most part we are so happy and both satisfied mentally and physically. When we first started dating she had a huge hatred for her ex. She couldn't even think about him or talk about him w/o getting really mad, almost in tears. Now she claims that she has no more hatred for him, but still doesn't like him as a a person, and could careless about him for what he has done. Does that mean that she has found someone(me) that has replaced the love loss from another relationship? Is this a good sign for me, that she has found another great love? Y Link to post Share on other sites
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