how do we know when we have "found ourself"..

[sweethonisti]

I guess what I am wondering is how do we know this? HOw do we know when we have "found ourself?" I could never understand the psychobable (by the way I hear a lot of it since I am going to grad school to be a counselor)...of how we need to be happy with ourselves before we can be with someone else. We should not marry someone if we are only marrying that person to complete us??? what is this stuff and what exactly does it mean? I love life...I truely do but I realize that I still do a lot of dumb things (I am 32 by the way and should know better)...What am i asking really? what is the meaning of life? what makes us complete? and if we are so complete by ourselves why do we all want someone to share it with? I somehow became 32 and not sure how this happened?

 

I was brought to this website because i was looking for others going through a break up as i had...and never posted just read...that was months ago now and i have to say that the insight i have read has been very helpful...and insightful...

 

I would like to know what others have learned about self discovery...books they have read...things they have discovered over the course of their life....please share...

 

i know i am babbling... so many questions but hard to get the specifics out so i thought i would start with some general questions...

 

...life is good...i know this...everything has its purpose...and we are given the same lessons until we learn from them...my question is " why does it take so long to learn the lesson?" even if we know there is a lesson to be learned from???

 

thanks for any responses...and have a great ...ah tuesday (it was a great day to call in sick!! )...

[Outcast]

I could never understand the psychobable (by the way I hear a lot of it since I am going to grad school to be a counselor)...of how we need to be happy with ourselves before we can be with someone else. We should not marry someone if we are only marrying that person to complete us???

 

What kind of counsellor do you intend to be?

[Curmudgeon]

I knew I'd "found myself" when I became my own best friend and perfectly happy in my own company. That took two years of living like a monk, post-divorce, meditation and concentration on me and what part I played in what went wrong with my life.

 

As for the rest, marriage is not a matter of two halves coming together to make a whole. It's a matter of two wholes coming together and enhancing one another.

 

By the way, all that was 10 years ago and the journey has only just begun.

[7on]

yeah, pretty much what Curmudgeon said.

 

I had to find myself a while back when I first joined LS. But I didn't know it at the time. For me it was when I became happy with myself, knew that I chose who I wanted to be, and figured out my ultimate desire for life (that didn't involve anyone else). More of a refining of my dream - chiseling it away to the exact specifics. Because at the time I was still chasing my general childhood dream which was pretty vague. I narrowed my goals and became the person who I wanted to be.

 

That was it for me. ;-P

[monkey00]

good question. they say each human's prime objective from youth to death is finding one's self. Some never find themselves, and some do. But it has a lot to do with personal growth and experiences (good and bad which shape us)

 

im still in the process of doing so, although i believe im headed down the right track, at this point the road appears to grow more narrow as the years go by.

 

what morals/codes, values, beliefs do you live by in life? And the goals/ambitions that drive you to the point that you have no doubt in your mind about your actions and attitude. since h.s. until now i question that about myself almost everyday...And i answer those questions in the process by reacting to my environment and responding to it, either negatively/positively/or neutrally (which is no reaction). Personal growth has a lot to do with overcoming obstacles in life, but how you react to it plays a definite role in shaping who you are (or who you want to be).

 

remember, every little or big decision you make brings you one step closer to defining yourself.

To answer your question, i dont believe anyone ever completely finds themself, it's an ongoing process from birth to death.

[RecordProducer]

You stop comparing yourself to others and desiring to be like them.

 

You start basing your attitudes on your experiences and not on your hopes and desires.

 

You know what you can achieve and what is not realistic for you.

 

You stop concentrating on what others think of you and start concentrating on what YOU think of them.

 

You become self-critical when you make mistakes rather than drown in guilt or blame it on the whole world, because now you recognize a certain pattern.

 

You know that when you say "no" it means "no" and when you say "yes" it means "yes."

 

You feel comfortable in your own skin and wouldn't trade your mind for anyone else's.

 

You see a huge difference between you then and you now, but you can connect all your personalities through life stages.

 

You see sex as a way to please yourself, not to please others.

 

You can predict your own behavior in the future, because you know your strengths and weaknesses.

 

You know what you like, you know what you don't like, you know that what you don't know - you don't know.

 

Nobody can persuade you that you possess qualities or faults that you don't possess.

 

You feel that you know yourself just ... too well to fool yourself.

[RecordProducer]

Regarding the marriage question, I think whenever two things are necessary to create a certain interactive product - it's symbiosis. Whether it's two parts making a machine, two wheels making a bicycle move or two people making a community, one part needs the other one to make a whole.

 

Just like the whole society - every household lives separately and has its own life, but it needs others to function in the best way.

 

And in order to accept constant interaction with someone, they need to complete your needs (emotional, intellectual, sexual, parental, social, etc.)

 

If two partners are too much independent, there is no symbiosis. I think there's a massive general misunderstanding about this theory - one whole vs. two wholes. How do you define what "whole" means?

 

I wish someone could explain this to me better than what I've already heard a million times that you have to be happy with yourself, blah-blah-blah.

 

Happiness depends on many external factors. If you're broke, your parents are sick, your dog passed away, your best friend moved away, you don't have love,... how does that make you incompetent and not eligible to find your true love? Happiness is most often about what things in life you have (health, career, love, friendship...). Compatibility is about two people that are able to love each other and get along.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[silktricks]

You've found yourself when you quit looking.

[RecordProducer]

You've found yourself when you quit looking.

That's a very good one.

[Mary3]

Regarding the marriage question, I think whenever two things are necessary to create a certain interactive product - it's symbiosis. Whether it's two parts making a machine, two wheels making a bicycle move or two people making a community, one part needs the other one to make a whole.

 

Just like the whole society - every household lives separately and has its own life, but it needs others to function in the best way.

 

And in order to accept constant interaction with someone, they need to complete your needs (emotional, intellectual, sexual, parental, social, etc.)

 

If two partners are too much independent, there is no symbiosis. I think there's a massive general misunderstanding about this theory - one whole vs. two wholes. How do you define what "whole" means?

 

I wish someone could explain this to me better than what I've already heard a million times that you have to be happy with yourself, blah-blah-blah.

Happiness depends on many external factors. If you're broke, your parents are sick, your dog passed away, your best friend moved away, you don't have love,... how does that make you incompetent and not eligible to find your true love? Happiness is most often about what things in life you have (health, career, love, friendship...). Compatibility is about two people that are able to love each other and get along.

 

Just my 2 cents.

 

I think it means to be happy with yourself first before you contemplate a relationship with someone. Being comfortable in your own skin. ( For instance )

 

If you don't know who you are and you're miserable inside then your partner picks up on this.

 

We are all eligible to find true love but finding it with the right person, keeping it strong and lasting: THAT part can be difficult because you have to FIND the person first !.

 

For those of us who have not found * the one * then we have to have faith that person does exist out there.

 

Maybe we had something great once and we feel another person could not come along and stir our senses but I believe we can find that person....

[sweethonisti]

I have not decided yet...I would love to work with soldiers coming back from the war...I was in the military and have a special spot for our soldiers and their sacrifice...otherwise I will most likely be working with children and women.