StayClose Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 All: There's a current news stories about how Americans have fewer friends than ever. By friends, we don't mean acquantences at the office or in the neighborhood that you chat with about the weather or the TV you watched last night. I'm talking about close friends (other than your spouse) with whom you share personal issues with, who you would feel comfortable calling on evenings or weekends if you needed some help. In my experience, I had friends in high school, in college and during the single years there after. But after moving in with the women who was to be my wife and moving to a new city we became socially isolated. Friends closer the acquantances at the office are difficult for me to come by for a variety of reasons, including... 1) I perceive that most married peoples' lives are filled with spouse and family obligations, 2) We have no kids, so there's no social scene for us that centers around soccer of swim team. 3) We're not religious, so we're not part of a church social scene. 4) I don't feel it's right to frequently hang out in bars after work when my wife is sitting at home. Occasionaly, yes, but not frequently. Plus my coworkers don't do much of this. 5) I like to discuss topics like politics & religion, and many people are reluctent to discuss contraversial issues. 6) My interested in watching or discussing professional sports is practically zero, which can make it difficult to connect with men. 7) Also, men have a tendancy to want to appear to "have it all together" to other men. It's hard to open up and share areas we have doubts or problems in. To other married people on the forum.... Do you have close friends other than your spouse? It is more difficult to find friends as a married adult than as a young single adult or student? If you meet someone you'd like to be friends with, how to you get past the acquantance barrier? Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 All: Do you have close friends other than your spouse? Yes I have one very close friend that would help me bury the body with no questions asked. And would never tell. It is more difficult to find friends as a married adult than as a young single adult or student? Yes because if you bring them into your married life both of you need to get along with them. Match morals, standards, ...... Way less free time when keeping up a home and business. (exception of my day off today screwing around on LS when I should be out making real friends! ) If you meet someone you'd like to be friends with, how to you get past the acquantance barrier? Go out drinking or you work on various projects?? I am very picky about who I share my time with. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Do you have close friends other than your spouse? yes, a best friend from high school (girl), a best friend from college (guy) and handful of close college friends, a former sister-in-law, and then my "other family" -- my two co-workers and their families. LOL, I've made more good, close friends as an adult than I did as a youth! It is more difficult to find friends as a married adult than as a young single adult or student? Nope, because my friends from HS/college are the same age as me, so we married within a 4-5 year period; the friends from work were already married with family; my SiL was family. The other thing is that I've found it easier to make friends as I got older because I was meeting more people who had common interests ... not the same sad pool of classmates I grew up with but had nothing in common with otherwise. If you meet someone you'd like to be friends with, how to you get past the acquantance barrier? find what we've got in common then pursue that past-time. One girlfriend, an older divorced lady, loves to go to flea markets and antique stores, and she is a Scrabble player. So when she was living here in Tyler, we'd get together every couple of weeks to do "girl things" and it was fun. The guys I ran around with in college will send emails proposing we meet up for some event, like a concert, and we plan that with our spouses, or if I'm visiting them, we'll plan a quick trip to a ballgame or whatever my little girlyheart desires that they're cool with. I've not met up with anyone from cyberspace, but there are a couple of folks from this place that I'd love to meet in person because I think they're interesting folks. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Oh, yes it can be a challenge I moved to a new area....and a rural one at that...and had to start from scratch, friendship-wise. I mean, I still had old friends I could email or call to chat with. But it's not the same as living right down the road from your best friend, which is something I was lucky enough to experience for years. I think working has been a godsend for me. Pretty much all my friends and my SO's friends are from our jobs. My SO also has some family around and we are friends with them. It can be a challenge, but keep looking for opportunities to broaden your horizens. We don't do sporting events or have kids, either. I know what you mean about that limiting who you get to meet and socialize with. Look for clubs in your area. Do they have hiking or canoe clubs? Or if you love animals, a club for people that own that kind animal (trust me, even in my little neck of the woods, there's a Pug Club!) Do some volunteer work that interests you. I am going to volunteer at a local animal shelter and hope to meet other animal lovers! You can also take classes at local community colleges that cater to adults. Joining an excercise class or a gym can also help you meet health-oriented people. Link to post Share on other sites
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