Dating..Waitresses.. Dates

[Push Comes to Shove]

How do you go about trying to initiate a date with a waitress. There is this restaurant that i Frequent for lunch where this pretty young woman often catches my eye. THere have been more than a few times where, even though her table section is in another section/part of the restaurant she has gone out of her way to pass my table and we've exchanged smiles, looks.

 

Thing is, maybe next time I should aske to be seated where her section is, but alas, I have not, and to my dismay, the few times I have gone there for lunch, I have been seated where her table section was not.

 

My question is, I have flirted with waitresses in the past, but the thing is, Don't they Hear that all the time and what's the real possibility they are really interested in you?

 

Actually, my biggest problem right now is, not the fear of rejection, fear of the unknown, being shy, or what not, I guess if I really wanted a date, I'd ask her, but i'm just wondering how you usually go about asking a waitress out or for her number to start or whatever.

 

The other issue that has recently been an issue, does not involve anybody but myself. Thing is, my past 2 relationships have been with young woman who used me. Actually, the one destroyed my entire self-confidence and my apartment, even though she dumped me cause she was cheating on me, anyway, that's all in the past now, but one of my closest friends recently, has become an ex-friend.

 

Long story, but to sum it up, I bailed him out of jail once, paid his rent for over half a year, when he needed money, i gave it to him, basically, cause he was going through a rough time, but all that, many people said i was dumb for. Well, that's just who i am and he was my closest friend.

 

Well thing was, the money, even though i basically went broke over loaning(giving) him money, i never cared about that. Even if he never, which he never will, pay me back, that never bothered me.

 

But the thing was, I put my neck on the line, defended him to everybody, even to my own family, and he bascially

 

F---ed me over. Turned out, I was the one who was wrong about him.

 

But this has really started to get to me.

 

And that is the real issue, cause my last 2 relationships I've not been a good judge of character, and one of my, if not my closest friend, well, i wasn't a good judge of character there either.

 

I still have really good friends and family who tell me that i shouldn't let it bother me, blah blah, but it really has bothered me.

 

Oh i've learned from these experiences, but the real issue is, I really have no desire to trust anybody. I tried for a little bit, but somehow, someway, I somehow could not.

 

Maybe i knew all along, but never wanted to accept or see it, but i guess it takes a toll on somebody when you put yourself on the line for your closest friend and he screws you over for one, and after all that I did for him;

 

he wanted to fight me, he told his family i was a fake friend, and basically, his family, who is like family to me, Hates me now too.

 

All of this cause, we were roommates, and I got transfered at work and decided the 2 hour commute was not worth it for one, and for another, he started to scam me and my other roommate and well, there's a lot of other things that went down, that well, all i can say is, i guess i'm the bad guy.

 

COnfused with the long boring story....

[BeenThere]

...the cute waitress:

 

Yes, it is her job to be friendly. It helps with the tips! But should you ask her out? -- Why not? If she's really interested she'll accept. If not, than you'll know for sure whether or not she was really "flirting." I know it's easier said than done, but you shouldn't allow your past bad experiences with people to destroy your self confidence. We all have fears of rejection. There isn't a human being alive who doesn't have a fragile ego. And whether we care to admit it or not, NON of us are good at judging character when it comes to someone we haven't invested the time to get to know. Unless you are a clairvoyant, there is no way to predict how another human being will behave...or how friendships and relationships in our lives will develop. We are ALL idealists, and very rarely do people live up to our own expectations.

 

As for the rest of your post, I'm sure myself and many others on this forum can certainly relate. I don't think there is anyone who can say they haven't been where you are at some time in their life. The question is: WHAT exactly have you "learned" from these experiences? Have they made you a wiser and stronger individual -- or has it damaged your esteem and self-worth??

 

These lessons are good only if they teach us to be more cautious when dealing with the people in our lives. If we turn them inward and become paranoid of the world around us than we are at risk of loosing our sanity.

 

Here's some info that turned Me around!...YIKES!

 

(PPD) Paranoid Personality Disorder:

 

* A pervasive distrust and suspiciousness of others such that their motives are interpreted as malevolent, beginning by early adulthood and preset in a variety of contexts, as indicated by four (or more) of the following:

 

1. Suspects, without sufficient basis, that others are exploiting, harming, deceiving him or her.

 

2. Is preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of friends or associates.

 

3. Is reluctant to confide in others because of unwarranted fear that the information will be used maliciously against him or her.

 

4. Reads hidden demeaning or threatening meanings into benign remarks, events.

 

5. Persistently bears grudges, i.e., is unforgiving of insults, injuries or slights.

 

6. Perceives attacks on his or her character or reputation that are not apparent to others and is quick to react angrily or to counterattack.

 

7. Has recurrent suspicions, without justification, regarding fidelity of spouse or sexual partner.

 

LMAO!...How many of us (including myself) are headed for that psychiatrist's couch?!?! *wink*

 

How do you go about trying to initiate a date with a waitress. There is this restaurant that i Frequent for lunch where this pretty young woman often catches my eye. THere have been more than a few times where, even though her table section is in another section/part of the restaurant she has gone out of her way to pass my table and we've exchanged smiles, looks. Thing is, maybe next time I should aske to be seated where her section is, but alas, I have not, and to my dismay, the few times I have gone there for lunch, I have been seated where her table section was not. My question is, I have flirted with waitresses in the past, but the thing is, Don't they Hear that all the time and what's the real possibility they are really interested in you? Actually, my biggest problem right now is, not the fear of rejection, fear of the unknown, being shy, or what not, I guess if I really wanted a date, I'd ask her, but i'm just wondering how you usually go about asking a waitress out or for her number to start or whatever. The other issue that has recently been an issue, does not involve anybody but myself. Thing is, my past 2 relationships have been with young woman who used me. Actually, the one destroyed my entire self-confidence and my apartment, even though she dumped me cause she was cheating on me, anyway, that's all in the past now, but one of my closest friends recently, has become an ex-friend. Long story, but to sum it up, I bailed him out of jail once, paid his rent for over half a year, when he needed money, i gave it to him, basically, cause he was going through a rough time, but all that, many people said i was dumb for. Well, that's just who i am and he was my closest friend. Well thing was, the money, even though i basically went broke over loaning(giving) him money, i never cared about that. Even if he never, which he never will, pay me back, that never bothered me. But the thing was, I put my neck on the line, defended him to everybody, even to my own family, and he bascially F---ed me over. Turned out, I was the one who was wrong about him. But this has really started to get to me.

 

And that is the real issue, cause my last 2 relationships I've not been a good judge of character, and one of my, if not my closest friend, well, i wasn't a good judge of character there either. I still have really good friends and family who tell me that i shouldn't let it bother me, blah blah, but it really has bothered me. Oh i've learned from these experiences, but the real issue is, I really have no desire to trust anybody. I tried for a little bit, but somehow, someway, I somehow could not. Maybe i knew all along, but never wanted to accept or see it, but i guess it takes a toll on somebody when you put yourself on the line for your closest friend and he screws you over for one, and after all that I did for him; he wanted to fight me, he told his family i was a fake friend, and basically, his family, who is like family to me, Hates me now too. All of this cause, we were roommates, and I got transfered at work and decided the 2 hour commute was not worth it for one, and for another, he started to scam me and my other roommate and well, there's a lot of other things that went down, that well, all i can say is, i guess i'm the bad guy. COnfused with the long boring story....

[Carrie]

Firstly, about this ex-friend/roomie thing. Why kick yourself for learning? That's what life is for anyway, experiencing, growing and learning. You've learned and there is no right, wrong or time limit on the lesson. I've been there with an ex-friend of 13 yrs. I lived with her for 5. It took me 13 yrs. to realize how horrible a person and friend she was. I was a trusting soul and defended her to everyone. Everyone saw it but me, and that's ok. At least I figured it out and so did you. It just showed that when you believe in someone or something that nothing will change your mind. It shows strong character and it's called having a mind of your own and not believing what you hear until you see it with your own eyes. That makes you a good friend and a good person, with a good heart. He may be cutting you down to his family, but of course they're going to take his side. That's just how it is. Your family and friends will be on your side, his will be on his side. It's killing him just as much as you, but it will fade over time.

 

As for lending the money and not getting it back, that was a decision you made. Never lend money unless you expect not to get it back and don't be surprised or angry when you don't get it back.

 

Now for the bad relationships part. Everyone has had them. It again doesn't mean that you're a terrible judge in character, it's another lesson. You're learning. If you didn't recognize that you were chosing the wrong people, then you'd really have a problem. You're learning little, by little, what you want and what you don't want. Hang in there. You'll get it one day.

 

The waitress. My suggestion isn't to ask for a phone number. That's kind of going to be uncomfortable for her, especially cause she hardly knows you. You first need to find out if she's involved with someone or not. Try to start a conversation with her about waitressing or something. Ask her how long she's been working there, what her best experience with a customer was, what's her worst experience with a customer was -- stuff like that. Get her comfortable with talking to you as a person before you make any moves, otherwise you may freak her out a bit. Figure out what section she's working in and then casually ask the hostess if you can sit at that particular booth/table. I'd do that for a couple of weeks. By then the waitress will become more comfortable with you. Don't ask right away, but wait a couple of times. Finally, once you two get talking and she's more familiar with you, you can ask if she maybe wants to get together for a cup of coffee or lunch one day to continue the conversation, so that you won't get her in trouble talking too much to a customer (you) while working. If she's interested, she'll pretty much make a plan right then and there or maybe even give you her number to call her. If she's not, she'll hesitate and say something "yeah maybe", "I'll let you know" or "that's sweet, but&".

 

Everything will work out slowly, just don't be so hard on yourself. Good luck.