Status after talk

[Janice]

My boyfriend and I talked last week about "where our relationship was going". I want more out of the relationship than he does. He has not called me in a week at all. Do I assume we are broken up? He told me he wanted to take one day at a time. He also told me he was very busy w/ work and he wanted time to think. How much time is enough?

[Peaches]

Call him or email him just to say hi. Ask him whats going on...it can't hurt. Then you will know and you won't have to think about it anymore.

 

Peaches

My boyfriend and I talked last week about "where our relationship was going". I want more out of the relationship than he does. He has not called me in a week at all. Do I assume we are broken up? He told me he wanted to take one day at a time. He also told me he was very busy w/ work and he wanted time to think. How much time is enough?

[Carrie]

He told you he didn't want anything serious, in other words, he doesn't want a serious relationship with you. You said you wanted a serious relationship with him. Both of your wants are totally different and you're not going to change his mind anymore than he is going to change yours.

 

Whether it's over or not, it's definitely not going to work out right now. Who knows if he'll change his mind somewhere down the road, but he's not going to right now. It's not you and it's not anything you did, so definitely don't put the blame on yourself. If he does call, which I'm sure you will hear from him again, what would be the point? He'll call, you'll talk, he may say he misses hanging out with you, want to get together, you'll get excited and happy, hang out and he's still may not change his mind, and it may be another few weeks before you see or hear from him again. In the meantime, you'll end up crying and torturing yourself, wondering why - when he's already told you why. I'm not trying to depress you, but I just want you to see that you already have an answer, whether he calls again or not. At least he was honest with you, which at least shows he respects you. He could have led you on, but didn't. It's going to hurt, but you have to find somebody who has the same wants that you do, which will happen, though it doesn't feel like that now. YOu need to keep telling yourself not to waste time on someone who can't and doesn't want to give you what you want, until you actually believe it. One day you'll realize your energies are best used on someone who's really worth it.

 

Just be happy that he talked to you about his feelings, most girls may have just been totally blown off without an explanation, never to hear from the guy again - now that stinks.

 

P.S. And please don't call him. That would be a big, huge mistake. He'll call you if he wants to talk to you.

[Tony T]

If you are wanting more out of the relationship than he does, that is, you are wanting more out of the relationship than he wants to give...why wouldn't you already have written this guy off? There is nothing further to discuss and no reason to remain in the relationship.

 

I don't think you can change somebody to want more out of a relationship than they already do. It's just a feeling a person has.

 

I don't think you should assume that the two of you have broken up quite yet but I think you should know in fairly certain terms that this isn't a guy you want to continue seeing.

 

If you have a serious talk with a guy about a relationship and afterwards he doesn't call for a week or more, that's a major statement.

[BeenThere]

My boyfriend and I talked last week about "where our relationship was going". I want more out of the relationship than he does. He has not called me in a week at all. Do I assume we are broken up? He told me he wanted to take one day at a time. He also told me he was very busy w/ work and he wanted time to think. How much time is enough?

[Peaches]

the fact is, I don't get paid to post messages, and I really don't know what I am talking about (i.e. I am not a relationship counselor or anything).

 

I guess calling him might be bad.

 

If it was me though, I probably would even if it is a bad idea.

 

Peaches

[Tony T]

There is no wrong or right advice. It's just that...advice, recommendations based on a person's first hand knowledge and experience.

 

Some people respond differently than others. You may very well be right here. It's up to the person who posted who is in the situation to read all the posts and see just what fits.

 

You'd be shocked at how many people who post leave out important information and details.

 

Your advice was perfectly fine and worthy of consideration by the poster.

 

Just because BeenThere happens to agree with others does not mean those get a Pulitzer Prize. Look how close the last presidential election was. Some will agree and some will not.

 

Be cool!

[Peaches]

Ugh...I guess that did come off as a bit snippy on my part. I didn't mean for it to. I had kind of a bad day at work, plus school is bogging down on me.

 

I really love this board and everyone that posts on here, (except maybe curious...what a freak)...hehe.

 

Peaches

There is no wrong or right advice. It's just that...advice, recommendations based on a person's first hand knowledge and experience. Some people respond differently than others. You may very well be right here. It's up to the person who posted who is in the situation to read all the posts and see just what fits. You'd be shocked at how many people who post leave out important information and details. Your advice was perfectly fine and worthy of consideration by the poster. Just because BeenThere happens to agree with others does not mean those get a Pulitzer Prize. Look how close the last presidential election was. Some will agree and some will not. Be cool!