Sending A Card

[Lost4Words]

Well here I am again with a new posting. I've just finished talking to a very good friend of mine. We're really close as

 

she was very concerned about me and how I'm dealing with my break up with my G/F. She givin me very good pointers on how

 

to deal with the whole situation but of course it goes in one ear out the other. Anyway we started talking about Christmas and asked if I going away this year!( I always go somewhere when Christmas comes around.ie: visit parents or friends) Well this time I'm staying put but she asked me if I was going to send my ex a card. I told her "yes" and she became upset! She told me why would you do that after all that she has done. She doesn't call you and if she does it's only to check up on you and not to "talk" to you. I told her that I don't want to be rude and seem like I don't care about her anymore. I still love her even though we're not together anymore. Just because you break up with someone doesn't mean you stop caring or loving the other person. Some people can do that at a drop of a dime and some individuals can't. I fall into the latter category.She told me I was wrong and I should reconcider my decision. Well what do you think? Should I send my ex a card or shoudn't I? I know that's my decision to do what I feel but I just what to get some opinions on this one. Thanks again for all who respond!

[Tony T]

Forget the card, a break-up is a break-up...PERIOD.

 

If you send her a card, you will end up feeling like a fool because you will get nothing in return except a bunch of empty feelings.

 

You have obviously not let go of her yet or you wouldn't be thinking about sending cards. Do whatever you need to do to get over this.

 

The two of you dated but you are not friends and you can't be friends. There would be no point in the friendship and you couldn't handle her telling you about all the guys she's been going out with, screwing, or whatever.

 

Forget the card, forget email, forget all contact at all. Get over her now and find a nice lady to spend the holidays with. I know it's tough but we all have to go through it.

 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

[Miss Mojo]

hi there,

 

listen to your friend. listen to your friend very closely. she is providing you with honest, objective advice and i totally agree with her.

 

i know you still have feelings for her, but this girl obviously doesn't have your best interests at heart. what on earth would sending her a christmas card achieve? she knows how you feel. a christmas card isn't going to change anything. you'd be a sitting duck for more pain from her. you'd make yourself weak in her eyes, while inflating her ego at the same time.

 

you don't have to send cards to show that you still love and care for an ex. i actually had a card sent to me this year from an ex. when i found out who it was from, i was annoyed. we'd broken up and even though he still cares, it just really pissed me off because i couldn't understand what part of "we've broken up, it's over" he didn't understand. i know this sounds cold and callous, but i am far from that. i am a very sensitive, emotional person and yet i felt so annoyed at this ex.

 

this girl is obviously more concerned with herself and is not even the type of person you'd want as a friend. a friendship with her would only break your heart 10 times more than breaking-up did.

 

once again, listen to your friend. she is right. your friend DOES have your best interests at heart. she knows you. she has very good advice and you know that. forget this "in one ear and out the other" response to her advice. above all, look out for yourself here and not your ex and trust the advice of those who care for you.

 

best wishes

[Laurynn]

...send her a card for a complimentary consultation at the Proctologist of her choice, to get an estimate to have her head removed from her..........

 

but seriously...NO, DO NOT SEND HER A CARD. It's not quite a month til Christmas so it's too early to send a card now, and I hope for your sake that by the time Christmas is near, you'll wake up and smell the coffee, and will not have a need to contact her whatsoever.

 

Yes, you still love her and care about her. You are entitled to feel this way. Nobody can take that from you. And yes, it IS hard to just stop loving someone at the drop of a hat.......but on the other hand, you shouldn't let someone crap all over you cuz not doing so is about LOVING YOURSELF.

 

Loving YOURSELF is the most important person in the world to love. Do you really love yourself? Yes? Then love yourself enough to respect yourself........and realize that continuing contact with her is only hurting you more and more, likely giving you false hopes that one day she'll 'see the light' and want to be back with you.....and it keeps you from moving on with your life. You're currently stuck in a major rut.

 

You can love her all you want, but there is no need to let her know that. She has made it clear that she is not interested in a relationship with you. SHowing your love to her is not going to suddenly win her back. It will only boost her ego and make you look a little (or a lot) pathetic...desperate.

 

I don't know the specifics surrounding WHY she chose to end the relationship (can you tell us?)....but she obviously chose to.

 

Your friend is absolutely correct. Do not waste your time sending her a Christmas card.

 

And stop making excuses as to why you're just not able to ignore her calls. Have a roommate answer the phone and if it's for you (if it's her, or her sister), ask them to take a message/ask who it is and they can decide from that whether or not to tell them you'll call them back. Come on now, get a backbone. She's playing you like a fiddle.

 

Don't you think you're worth more than that? Don't you think you deserve better than that?

 

L

[Ed]

If you want to send somebody a card, send one to your friend.

 

She is right. Listen to her, me and the others who have posted here. Put a plug in one ear so no more of her good advice seeps out. While you're at it, plug both ears and read all these posts again and again until it has taken root inside your head.

 

No one expects you to stop loving or caring at the drop of a dime. You are being dramatic. That is not the point of not sending a card. The point is for you to ALLOW your feelings to diminish over time. By keeping in contact with her, via phone or mail, you are inhibiting the natural process of letting go and moving on with your life.

 

No one is looking out for you, except YOU. Your own disregard for yourself and your happiness is the worst thing you can do for anyone, including yourself. All the advice in the world will not help you if you don't put YOU first.

 

Staying in contact with your ex is not helping you one bit. Don't send her a card. If you have to talk to her again, tell her that you wish her well, but staying in contact with her under these circumstances is not good for you and ask her not to call anymore.

 

It's not an easy thing to do, but that's the next step you'll have to take to move along and regain the happiness you deserve.

 

Best Wishes for the Holiday Season.

[arthropod98]

yep, i TOTALLY agree with all the responses on this one!!

 

sending a card will get you absolutely NOWHERE, you're just prolonging the agony here, and it's time to move on.

 

believe me, i've been in this type of situation before, and with the help of someone very special to me, i've learned that this only leads to you feeling USED -- you don't deserve that!! you NEED to start this "letting go" process . . . it will save you MUCH pain with this and in the future too!

 

don't be that "d*ck in a glass case, break in case of emergency" for her . . . as chris rock put it!

Well here I am again with a new posting. I've just finished talking to a very good friend of mine. We're really close as she was very concerned about me and how I'm dealing with my break up with my G/F. She givin me very good pointers on how to deal with the whole situation but of course it goes in one ear out the other. Anyway we started talking about Christmas and asked if I going away this year!( I always go somewhere when Christmas comes around.ie: visit parents or friends) Well this time I'm staying put but she asked me if I was going to send my ex a card. I told her "yes" and she became upset! She told me why would you do that after all that she has done. She doesn't call you and if she does it's only to check up on you and not to "talk" to you. I told her that I don't want to be rude and seem like I don't care about her anymore. I still love her even though we're not together anymore. Just because you break up with someone doesn't mean you stop caring or loving the other person. Some people can do that at a drop of a dime and some individuals can't. I fall into the latter category.She told me I was wrong and I should reconcider my decision. Well what do you think? Should I send my ex a card or shoudn't I? I know that's my decision to do what I feel but I just what to get some opinions on this one. Thanks again for all who respond!