Asafan Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 How do you tell your wife you just can't stand her anymore? I love her but I just can't stand her. I feel controlled all the time. God forbid I try to stay up passed 10 P.M. and don't go to bed with her. She makes me feel like a bastard for wanting to stay up a little bit. She is not working because of all her "ailments" so I am the sole provider. Back problems, migraine headaches, neck problems, sinus problems, insomina, and she is constantly going to doctors. I can't take it anymore! I so want to leave, but I don't want to put the kids through that. Maybe I should have put this in the rants section. I am just so tired of it all. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Do you feel these are excuses she has, these "aliments" or does she really have these problems? Some people really have alot of medical problems, then again she might just be a hypercondriac. Do you spend enough quailty time with her? Maybe thats why she wants you to come to bed with her when she does. Then again she maybe have control issues that need to be delt with by a professional. Link to post Share on other sites
sugarplum Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Trying to look at the bright side...could your wife be depressed? Many of the physical symptoms (yes, it can cause physical symptoms) are also her "ailments" that you described. That could also explain the unpleasant mood. This of course, doesn't make the behavior okay, but maybe explain it so you can not take it personally and find a way to deal with it from another perspective. I have dealt with bouts of depression/anxiety in my lifetime and I wasn't really sad or crying all that much. I was mostly a bi*ch! Being mean to others somehow made me feel like I wasn't the only one suffering. Also, I tried to control a lot. I couldn't control my own life or emotions, so I took charge of others lives! A bad way to be, but i didn't realize it at the time. I could be totally off on this too, just a thought..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Asafan Posted June 28, 2006 Author Share Posted June 28, 2006 The back stuff is legit. She was in an accident 2 months ago and has disk problems in her neck and back. But the head stuff has been going on for YEARS. The woman has a migraine every day. Numerous CAT scans/MRIs show NOTHING. She definitely has control issues. When I am home all we do is spend time together. We are together 24/7 sometimes and it is still not enough. I feel like Im suffocating sometimes. Don't get me wrong. I love her. I just don't know what to do. When I try to talk about it with her she just does the old turn it around trick and acuses me of the same thing. Which, for the most part is not true. Link to post Share on other sites
The slayer Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 You say you still love her, so to me it sounds like it's not that you can't stand her but that you can't stand the way she is behaving. I would suggest try telling her exactly that...I love you, but I really can't stand the way you are behaving at the moment........ Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 How do you tell your wife you just can't stand her anymore? I love her but I just can't stand her. I feel controlled all the time. God forbid I try to stay up passed 10 P.M. and don't go to bed with her. She makes me feel like a bastard for wanting to stay up a little bit. She is not working because of all her "ailments" so I am the sole provider. Back problems, migraine headaches, neck problems, sinus problems, insomina, and she is constantly going to doctors. I can't take it anymore! I so want to leave, but I don't want to put the kids through that. Maybe I should have put this in the rants section. I am just so tired of it all. My gosh you just described me when I was married. I was a bitch. totally. I was miserable, unhappy, didn't want to be married and it was catching up with me. I didn't trust my spouse because he was rarely home when I needed him, lied to me several times, hide things from me, was selfish in his affection (it was about his needs without regard to mine too.), He took advantage of me and also my family. He put his family first before his son and me. I wasn't happy in my relationship therefore I became a controlling bitch. Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Maybe you should try "alternating" actions. Like, send the kids to a sitters and take her to a romantic evening one night a week (or get some good take out and a rental if she has these headaches all the time). Then, take one night a week to go out and do whatever you want, alone. I guess what I am saying is show her you love her and love being around her regardless of her issues, BUT that you need to have your independent unstructured unguilted time as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Asafan Posted June 28, 2006 Author Share Posted June 28, 2006 My gosh you just described me when I was married. I was a bitch. totally. I was miserable, unhappy, didn't want to be married and it was catching up with me. I didn't trust my spouse because he was rarely home when I needed him, lied to me several times, hide things from me, was selfish in his affection (it was about his needs without regard to mine too.), He took advantage of me and also my family. He put his family first before his son and me. I wasn't happy in my relationship therefore I became a controlling bitch. I don't treat her like that at all. She calls me several times a day and we always say I love you when we hang up. She tells me constantly what a good husband I am and how lucky she is. I NEVER put her or the kids second, unless I get fed up and need to have some space. Sometimes I don't even work OT even though we need the money because I want to be home to help her with the kids. (my step-son has ADD and can be a handful at times). Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 I don't treat her like that at all. She calls me several times a day and we always say I love you when we hang up. She tells me constantly what a good husband I am and how lucky she is. I NEVER put her or the kids second, unless I get fed up and need to have some space. Sometimes I don't even work OT even though we need the money because I want to be home to help her with the kids. (my step-son has ADD and can be a handful at times). If you stepson has ADD do you think its possible she has ADD as well and maybe thats where some of this is coming from? I would think ADD can manifest in different forms, maybe these miargrains she says she has is a way to get attention or something? Her control issues are away to get attention as well? I'm not sure on that, but just a thought maybe. Link to post Share on other sites
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